


In My House is My Heart

by Luvkyloreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Affection, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Seduction, Car Accidents, Dominant Ben Solo, Dominant Phasma, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Dubious Consent, Eventual Romance, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Forgiveness, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Good and Evil, Hate Sex, Homelessness, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Innocence, Inspired by Art, Kindness, Lack of Communication, Loneliness, Loss of Control, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Marriage, Masochism, Memories, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mother-Son Relationship, Multi, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Past Violence, Pregnancy, Pride, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sleep Deprivation, Slow Burn, Stolen Moments, Therapy, Threats of Violence, Understanding, Violent Sex, Violent Thoughts, Watching Someone Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:16:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 58
Words: 40,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvkyloreylo/pseuds/Luvkyloreylo
Summary: ------***COMPLETE***------Rey rearranged the living room again...she liked watching the sun rise through the large front windows.  The house wasn't  huge...she had been enjoying it all spring...but losing her apartment  had sucked. She travelled a while before observing this place. She cleaned for Maz as needed, and in her computer this property  was down as unused. It was simply being maintained by a lawncare service. The utilities were paid automatically,  most furniture  had been covered  by sheets. The owner travelled  the world, had not been back in over a year...it looked so empty.





	1. Possession

Rey cleaned out the small backyard garden. Planted what she needed.

There was a rooster wandering around...so she bought a chicken from a farmer down the road and built it a little house so she'd  have eggs.

She dusted, mopped, scrubbed ...until the house was perfect.

She walked to the store for supplies as needed, but tried not to leave if possible. It was several miles to anywhere.

She knew no one had been  there in over a year, but based on her investigation locally...it had been much longer...the mailman said no mail came to the address in over 5 years at least...there was a post office box used. But even that was rare. 

The farmer who sold her the chicken  said the family owned properties  all over the world...travelled...stayed over seas mostly. 

She told Maz she would be available as needed. Maz didn't  have work for her. She would need a vehicle  to work. 

Rey found an old motorcycle  in the barn. She decided if she could get it running that would ensure a small income later. She had some money saved in a tin box .  

There was a large empty room she thought may have once  been a social area. Rey decided it was great for painting. One whole wall became her canvas.  She started with mountains...trees...then a river...a pond...a cabin...deer... flowers...birds...clouds...the sunrise...

She read every book in the dusty library, dug through every drawer...there weren't any family pictures anywhere. 

Rey danced around the small kitchen when she cooked singing to herself.  She felt at home. 

There was no washer or dryer, she washed her clothes in the sink and hung them on a line she set up. 

She was careful not to be seen entering the house, but even the lawncare service only came once a month. They only mowed and trimmed the bushes around the property. She knew when they came. Neighbors were far apart...separated by woods. 

She had a cheap flip phone just in case, and only used it for emergencies. Her minutes always rolled over from nonuse.

She chose to sleep in the living room or the library.The big old couch was so soft and comfy. The quilts she'd found were warm after she washed them. She didn't feel right using any of the beds.

Her landscape was finished...she was proud. Her only real prized possession was her paints. She looked it over and her heart soared. 

She needed one more part to get the motorcycle  working. The local mechanic  had ordered it for her.  She needed to walk to town to grab it. The machine was clean, but needed new paint and some love. 

* * *

 

She'd  now been here months, the summer was beginning and she was excited. She had never felt like she had a home. This abandonned place had truly become hers. 

The air smelled of jasmine and fresh grass.

She fell asleep listening to happy crickets.


	2. Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey loved zooming down the back roads on the old Harley Davidson. The power between her legs...the freedom. She could enjoy her solitude at the property she'd adopted yet still venture out to work for a few bucks for Maz, always cash, and visit nearby towns.

The wind whipped through her hair...she adored it.  

The sun warm on her tan skin, the summer was shaping out to be her best ever.

Finn, Jessika, and Rose hoped she would come back to Florida soon so they could swim... surf...relax...

They didn't  like that she wouldn't  tell them where she'd gone.  Finn more than the girls...Rey left sporadically but never this long.

She needed her time alone though...her life had always been hectic...not her choice...she wanted to not answer to anyone for awhile...no timetable...no responsibility...just be 19 and free.

Just her...the quiet...

The house looked great inside. She'd  cleaned out the barn, attic, and basement too. 

A bonfire rid her of broken things, clutter,...she found a silver chain in the barn with a St. Christopher charm. She wore it happily around her neck. Once cleaned with toothpaste it had looked like treasure to her.

Her garden had produced so many goodies. She ate well. 

She found herself chatting at her chicken sometimes when she gathered eggs.  Rey named it Chewie. She heard morevthan saw the rooster...but named him BB.

The small grocery store in town was her weekly or biweekly  trip.  

She decided to make s'mores tonight and set up wood for a little fire. It was so nice out under the stars...peaceful.

 


	3. Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gazed at the stars every night from either the old porch or on a blanket in the field behind the house. She created pictures in her head combining them...linking. She decided her next landscape wall in that empty room would be a night sky of stars for sure, constellations maybe...

She made just enough money for treat foods, essentials, a bit of gas,  and paints. 

She was easy to please and content. 

She only used the Harley some, enjoying her leisurely  walks.

* * *

The house had a dated central unit, Rey fiddled with it.

But she could tell it was blown... there wasn't going to be enough money for replacement...she laughed at the idea. That anyone just had wads of cash lying around... thousands.. millions...

No...fan it was...at least someone kept the power on here...the water...they're just pissing dollars away on an unused home  benefited  her. 

The fridge ...the stove...though she longed for a washer and dryer...

She bought a box fan in town, and ran around in the house mostly in her bra and panties when the temp rose too high.

The summer humidity felt  thick at night...she would lay naked in front of the fan to sleep...

She found a cool creek in the stretching woods behind  the house.  Wading her feet in felt  amazing...

* * *

 

She picked wild flowers early in the morning to place around the house in coffee cups. Rey wanted the scent everywhere.

"What will I  have tonight Chewie?" Rey asked her chicken.

She tucked her into her little home on the back porch. The small wooden structure and wire fencing kept her safe and from wandering too far.

She set to task, her pan on the stove beginning to boil...cookies baking...

She chopped veggies and ham cubes ...tossed in the pot...added her seasonings and inhaled the glorious smell of deliciousness. 

Rey retrieved the sweet crunchiness to cool on the counter.

"Mmmmmm..." she hummed.

She sang and swayed around the room gathering a plate ...a fork...her water cup...

She felt calm and free.

The July  night was creeping in and she was glad...with a full belly, she added a few dashes to her sky painting.

The two walls were covered...she hoped someday if anyone bothered to pop in here, after she did finally vacate, that they would appreciate  it.

Tonight with no breeze the clothes were shed, the fan turned on, one the quilts stretched out, she curled up and let her lashes drift closed.

The hum of the fan, the cool hit against her hot skin,  and she was lost to dreams.

* * *

 

He drove up late, his last stop was alright but he was ready for a dose of being away from the noise... people in general.

He'd emailed the lawnservice company to make sure his property was in good standing. A quick call earlier to the utility company assured  him he could count on a hot shower when he arrived.

He knew tomorrow  or the next day  he would need to purchase a new washer and dryer, and possibly  have the old central unit maintenance done. Disuse could have left it damaged or destroyed.

His parents used the property in Italy mostly now. His uncle was trekking across China. 

This property  was just his and had seen him little. After so long, he knew a cleaning service may need to be hired. 

He needed groceries...his truck thrummed up the long driveway. He loved the neighbors were so far away. 

Yes...tomorrow he would start on his to do list. He would relax here a bit before he headed  to England to visit his friend Hux.  

His headlights grazed the back porch.

He saw two or three odd things...

One ...he saw his mother's garden that did not look overgrown ...

Two...he saw his dad's  old Harley clean and propped up near the porch...

Three...he saw a chicken...looking quite comfy in a little coop.

He left his things in the car,  but grabbed his phone to turn on the flashlight mode.

In the kitchen he saw cleanliness, dishes from someone's  dinner laid our drying...a plate of cookies...he grabbed one...

...the living room was dust free and arranged oddly...

...the old entertaining room...two walls were painted with beautiful details...a landscape and the other a night sky that looked like something he'd  see in an upscale gallery...

Every room he checked was clean...no sheets...no dust...flowers in coffee cups in every room...his old room too...his parents old room...spotless and smelling like jasmine or daisies...

He began to sweat...yep... the unit had probably  died...

He heard the steady hum of a fan...nearing the library he saw a faint light.

A small camping lamp sat on the floor next to what he might call a nest of quilts spread out. 

He froze...

Laid out on the quilts...near the fan whirring...was a form.

Draped in the slight lighting...dark lashes closed in sleep.

Naked as the day she was born...a girl...

Young... lithe... long dark hair...

Tan legs curled ...arms wrapped...on her side...so still...

He stared a moment then backed up...

He decided he would not stay tonight...

He got back in his truck and headed to crash with his buddy from college. He headed back to town. Poe would be up even at this hour night owl that he was...

Tomorrow...he would face her...maybe...

 

 


	4. Bang bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ret woke to loud banging and the sound of large trucks. She threw on her ratty AC/DC tshirt and cutoff jean shorts. Peeking out the window she saw a van and a Lowes truck. There were two men with clip boards walking up to the front door. It was early...maybe 7am...maybe...she'd already slept through BB's 4 a.m. cock-a-doodling...she groaned...

Rey answered the door warily, she didn't know  what else to do.

"Can I  help you?" She asked the gentlemen timidly.

The first one was from Lowes, "Yes, ma'am...we have the order placed." He glanced at his clip board, "We will install everything quickly and haul off the old ones. Everything  has been paid... I  just need your signature please."

Rey signed and he waved his men into the house.

The second man was from a heating & cooling place.

The van was his. "Hello miss ! We have the new unit ready to put in and will take the old one off. We need to check and possibly  replace vents in the house... etc....everything was paid by phone so I  just need you to sign and we can get to work."

Rey again signed, not knowing what else to do.

She watched the men from Lowes bring in new appliances. Washer, dryer, refrigerator,  stove...

Later when the unit was installed she closed windows and set it to cool the house.

She caught one man as they were leaving, "who paid for all this?"

He looked confused, "I  assume your husband ? ... homeowner was down as ordering and paid by  phone."

Rey sighed...homeowner. 

Once everyone was gone she inspected...The new appliances were top of the line.

* * *

 

A truck pulled up, men jumped out and went to work on the outside of the house.  Painting, repairing any damage.

"Excuse me?" Rey tried to get the one directing the other's  attention. " who asked you to come ?"

"Ma'am...we had an order called in to spruce up this old gal. You don't  need to lift a finger,  it's  paid for and we should finish quickly. " He replied.

"Oh..." Rey watched as the house looked new again. Just as she had brought life back to the inside... now the outside was beginning to. 

She watched the men work...they left and returned the next day. 

The house was beautiful again.

* * *

 

She picked weeds out of the garden and grabbed a few tomatoes  to make spaghetti  sauce.

* * *

 

She called Maz...no one was down to return to the property, no cleaning ordered. Still just lawncare. 

* * *

 

Dinner was small but delicious.  She nibbled on one of the cookies remaining. 

Sticking the few leftovers in the fridge, she turned out lights and ran upstairs to shower.

She decided since there was a washer and dryer now the bedding and curtains all needed to be washed.

She gathered them all and started the first load.  Reading an old romance novel while she waited. 

Eventually  she got tired and started the 3rd load in the washer. Then went to curl up on her pallet.

The moonlight trickled in,  and the house seemed content.

She wondered if she should go ahead and leave the next day. Surely the homeowner  might be returning if they were fixing up the place... 

Rey just didn't  want to leave...she liked the place...

* * *

 

After two weeks of nothing...Rey decided  maybe they weren't  coming back.

Maybe they were going to finally sell the place they never used.

She figured if she saw a realtor she would leave.

* * *

 

Another week still no one... nothing...

* * *

Then came mail...

The mailman left something in the mailbox one afternoon. Something small. 

She saw him stick the package in and leave.  She walked down the long driveway and opened the box.

It was a letter. The sender was Leia and Han Solo, the address was a city in Italy.

It was labelled to be to a Benjamin  Solo. 

Rey put the letter on the counter in the kitchen. 

She stared at it for a long time.

She left it be, went to rehang curtains and remake the beds. 

* * *

 

The 3rd wall of the empty room would be painted as an ocean...she decided...with islands and sealife...

Rey hummed as she moved...her brush fast as if it had a life of it's  own...

That night she slept in front of her work, no fan on, curled up in a big quilt. She had not slept much...wary of intruders or the homeowner...it finally caught up with her. 

She conked out. Her head full of waves and an ocean breeze...

 


	5. Quiet as a mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben enjoyed a couple weeks hanging out with his college buddy Poe. He slept on his couch, drank a beer or two, and caught him up on where he'd been. He ordered new appliances from Lowes, since he was at it got new ones for the kitchen too. He called and ordered a new central unit, for the house to be repaired and painted on the outside...then dropped a change at the post office so that he would receive his mail again at the house. He collected the few things in his post office box. He wondered what his little squatter thought of his improvements or if she'd left by now...he needed to know...

Ben waited until night to return. 

The house appeared dark. He could still tell it was spruced up.  A fresh few coats on the outside, etc.

He went around back, to enter through the kitchen.

The chicken was still there. The old Harley was still there.

The kitchen looked like it had been used tonight, new flowers in the counter in a coffee cup.

On the the counter was a letter.

He picked it up, it was from his parents. he'd  actually  forgotten he told them he was coming here. 

The new refrigerator and stove looked good, he heard the rumbling dryer in use. 

He crept toward the library... inside...no one.

Ben moved on to the painted room...curious.

Inside he was awed again...the newly painted wall held an ocean... islands...he could imagine just stepping in and onto a beach. All 3 walls were lovely, the girl had tallent. 

The house was cooler, the new unit was doing it's job. 

Then he saw her. Laying near the ocean scenes, wrapped up in one of his grandmother's quilts...the girl...

Not naked this time,  he grinned.

Her face was blushed,  ...freckled, ...her hair wild ...he saw his St. Christopher necklace around her neck...well maybe his...he'd lost it years ago when he was young...it would be interesting though if it was his...

An angel...

Do you disturb an angel...no...

He left her be...

Gathered his things from his truck, made his way upstairs  to his room. He noticed the bedding was clean this time.  

He brought in groceries.  In the morning  she would wake  to the smell of waffles, bacon, and scrambled  eggs...

The orange juice and milk were put away, he had grabbed some yogerts and apples too. He had no idea what she would  eat but figured food was food. 

He just didn't  want her to run. 

He fell asleep in his old bed dreaming of waves...

His alarm set for much earlier than he ever woke up.

 


	6. Mmmmmm waffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey blinked...the sunlight creeping in hurting her eyes. Then she smelled it...she thought she might still be dreaming...of waffles...of bacon...wouldn't be the first time...she used to be hungry more than fed...but no ! She really did smell food !

Rey reached in her bag and pulled out a Minecraft tank to throw on and green shorts.

She  pulled her hair up into a messy bun.

She peeked out the window, saw a huge black truck. 

Oh no...the homeowner? 

Nothing looked out of place...but now the closer she got to the kitchen ...she could hear it...

She peeked around the door,  desperate  to be invisible...she saw HIM.

He was built ! Rey felt her breath catch.

Thick locks of deep black velvet hair...

His back to her...and bless him he was wearing just loose sleep pants...

The breakfast  smelled divine...and she observed there was a ton of it...two places set at the table...

"hello ! I suppose  I should introduce myself since this is my house...I'm Ben. And you are ?" He turned around smiling. 

Rey was still stunned. "Rey..."

"Well, Rey...everything is ready. I've got waffles, eggs, and bacon...I  bought oj and milk...help yourself." Ben said, he fixed his plate...poured himself a glass of orange  juice...and sat down.

Slowly Rey did the same. 

She sat down across from him and inhaled her food.

"No one is going to take it from you..." he teased.

Rey giggled, "I  know I have the table manners of a rabid monkey... sorry. Bad habits...um...I  can be outta here pretty quick... I  am sorry I kinda stayed here thinking it was unused...but thankyou...for ya  know ...breakfast..."

Ben smiled at her again, "no rush...you improved this old place... and you weren't wrong per say... I  haven't been here in more than 5 years...my parents haven't stepped foot here in longer than that... maybe 10 /12 years...I  own it now...it was my grandparents  place."

"I guess it was you who bought the new stuff, unit, and sent the painters...thought maybe someone would appear sooner or that it might be being prepped to sell the property..." she stated.

He glanced around, "I like the wild flowers you stuck around ... your artwork in the entertainment room. I can tell you have been busy a while...you cleaned... got my dad's old Harley running... organized... worked on my mom's  old garden...I met ur ...um ...chicken."

She laughed, "Chewie...is her name...yeh...this place is amazing..." 

"How long have you been...pardon me...squatting here ? And no ...I  have no plans to have you arrested for trespassing." Ben asked.

"Um...since early spring. I cleaned out the barn, basement,  and attic too...so I suppose I've earned my stay here." She grinned at him. 

He loved her smile, he knew he would...she was sunshine...he wanted to bask. 

"So a while...and definately  been busy...thanks for all the work. My  next call would have been a cleaning service...the company  I  use for the lawn offers cleaning too...guess I  won't  need to." Ben interjected.

Rey grinned mischievously, "yeah...I  know they do...it's how I found the property. My boss doesn't  guard her computer well...I  saw this place was vacant...had been a long time. I only work for her occasionally...I'm not from here...but as I said I can leave."

Ben nodded, he did not want her to leave...he didn't  care how she got here...just thanked the universe this hot intriguing girl was sitting across from him. 

"You can use one of the bedrooms, and I look forward to seeing what you paint on the 4th  wall..." Ben got up, taking dishes to the sink to wash. "By the way, I like your St. Christopher...I  had one when I  was younger..."

That got her attention,  "I ... this might be yours...I found it in the barn when I cleaned out all the junk..."

Ben started washing dishes, "then keep it...let it keep you safe and inspired."

"Thanks...you really don't care I painted your walls?" She sounded hopeful. 

"No...they are beautiful. You are quite gifted. " Ben glanced back catching the blush rising into her cheeks. 

Rey brought her dishes to the sink, washed her own. 

He was putting what remained of the food away for later.  "I have a friend in town, so I will be in and out. I'm  not sure how long I will be staying...England is my next stop. Another  friend of mine has a flat there."

"Oh...nice. You really do travel alot..." She felt very uneducated  in that moment...he was a man of the world...who was she?

"I do...I  suppose I'm a sponge for knowledge and culture. But I missed this place, I  loved my summers here with my grandad and gran. They were the best. You've already made yourself at home...you can make dinner tonight. " He gave her a wink and left the room, headed upstairs.

She assumed to shower and dress.

Rey went outside to see Chewie. "make me any eggs?" She only clucked and pecked.

She gave her some dried corn and seeds.

She  left the house, with her sandals in her hand, making her way to the woods.

This was going to be interesting...if Ben stayed a bit. 

He was angled...warm...abs for days ... soft brown eyes...

Rey sighed, his lips were quite kissable... not that she would get to taste them...

 

 


	7. Wanderlust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey laid on the quilt staring up at the stars gleefully...her brain too full to sleep...

Ben had heard her rustling around then leave the house...peeking at his clock he couldn't fathom where she could be going...at 2:34 a.m. ...

But...curiousity got him and he swept down the stairs. He looked out the back window and saw her form moving away...

In no more than a pair of panties and a star trek tank...she carried a quilt to the hill ...spread it out and laid down...

What the absolute fuck?! He found himself  thinking.

Sleepwalking? She  looked awake.

Against his better judgement... he crept closer, staying in the treeline shadows. His bare feet chilled by the damp grass...

She was humming...and talking to herself..."let's  see...a spaceship... fightng a...dragon!"

"No...mountains covered in ...snow!" She laughed. "Oh mom...I  miss doing this with you..." 

His heart clenched...she was imagining pictures in the stars... like she'd  done with her mother... who was long gone?...and he was spying....

He intended to move but the sight of her long legs and just her in front of him so ...human...froze him in place...

Rey continued like that until she grew slient.

Ben inched a hair closer...he discovered she'd fallen asleep.

Crazy woman...he thought.

But also...captivating...

He scooped her up along with the quilt, and carried her back to the house. He laid her in his parents old room...tucked the covers up to her chin.

She didn't  wake...but snuggled in tighter. She seemed lost in her dreams.  

* * *

 

"So she's  still there huh?" Poe asked. He had found the whole  situation  hilarious.

Ben smirked, "yeh...she's not typical. I hope she doesn't  bolt.  I  want to see what happens...find out more..."

"Well....robbers don't usually  organise, clean, repair,  or decorate...or grow veggies in your backyard. You said she painted walls too? Fancy stuff?" His buddy wanted more info on the cute chick that made Ben hide at his house for 2 weeks. "And hot huh?"

Ben chuckled, "yeh...really intricate landscapes, skies...amazing detail...yes...hot"

"You my friend  are not leaving for Hux's any time soon...you should tell him you're staying a bit. He won't  care...he will be like me and want to see this come to fruition... you don't get interested in people ...ever." Poe was like a dog with a bone.

Ben got defensive, "I  have dated !"

Poe laughed,...mocking him, "no...you have fucked a few girls that you couldn't kick out of your bed fast enough...you have me...and Hux...and I guess Phasma counts as your friend. You barely speak to anyone in your family. You...are doomed my friend !"

"Shut up!" But deep down Ben knew he was not wrong.

 He hung up his phone and pulled into town. He wanted to grab some beer for later...and a few essentials.

She was cooking tonight...he wondered what he had to look forward to. 

 


	8. Bare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey flitted around the kitchen sniffing this pot, rolling dough, mixing her lemonade...singing as she worked...stirring her sauce...

"She walks into your heart,

Like she danced into your soul,

Left a fire burning bright as the sun, 

Left a smoking, gaping hole,

You crave her like ocean breeze,

You hunger for every touch,

Inside she leaves you hollow,

Inside she makes you whole,..." Rey sang and danced on light toes, swishing her hips, adding spices to her sauce...

Ben heard the song, he didn't recognize  it...he tried to be quiet. He was always watching her it seemed...she was just always bringing him in...like a magnet... 

Her voice was angelic...he wondered if she even knew...

Whatever she cooked smelled delicious...

"Take my hand, 

I won't  bite your fingers,

Take my love,

I won't  eat your heart,

Drown with me,

In this moment of rapture,

Fly with me,

In this moment of lust,..."

She swelled with joy...he had never seen such freedom...

"Mmmm...yep you my dear saucey sauce are yummy! Let's check on the bread...perfect! Alright...time to create art !" Rey smiled.

She laid the bread she'd  baked on their plates, they looked like stars. Cheese was sprinkled on top, then sauce, then more cheese...chicken was added...grilled...more sauce and cheese. "Perfect!"

She chopped strawberries and peaches and added them to their drinks.  Grinning, she plucked 3 flowers from the basket on the counter and slid them in a small slender vase. It sat between the plates. 

"Ben! Food is ready! Hope your hungry !" She hollered. As she added silverware.

Ben waited a minute then sauntered in..."smells great." 

"Thanks! Momma was a good cook...limited funds meant turning whatever was on hand into something yummy. Or at least pretty. " she joked.

Ben cut into the meal...most of his plate was empty before he spoke again. "This...is...good..."

Rey poured him more lemonade and got him another serving of food." Glad. I  had fun making it..."

He swallowed and continued.  

After dinner he insisted on doing dishes. 

She let him. Disappearing out the back door.

He thought about asking where she was going, until he heard her talking to the chicken.

Ben came out onto the porch when he finished putting away dishes and leftovers. 

"Thankyou...that was nice. Chicken ok? She mad because you ate her cousin?" Ben teased.

Rey laughed, "no...she just gets lonely. I can't  leave her out, coyote could get her."

"Ah, you going to paint tonight or fall asleep  outside?" He asked.

Rey froze, "you took me to that bed...I  thought I sleepwalked... sorry...I am not used to sharing space...even when I've stayed with friends they've  always given me a wide berth."

She closed Chewie's small door. "I'm  probably  not painting tonight... or watching stars...I  actually think I'm going for a walk..."

"You can't  now...it's dark...late... coyotes..." Ben was feeling protective. 

Rey giggled, "join me Ben? Listen to the night with me? I won't  bite..."

She grinned and headed away toward the edge of the forest...he followed...

...she was like a nymph...

...a siren...

...a flame...

He walked slowly close to her path...but dared not touch her...

Her skin glowed in the moonlight...

She looked magical...

"Hear the animals? The birds? The breeze? The night has a different tone than the day...the sunlight dances over everything at once and the moonlight caresses ...gentle as a lover's  fingers..." Her words gripped his senses.

...a lover's fingers...he couldn't help picturing  his own digits running across her skin...

In a wide clearing he saw her spinning, arms out, eyes closed, grinning ear to ear...like a child...

"Fly Ben !" She yelled.

He stuck his arms out and spun... feeling quite foolish...but very alive... young...

She collapsed  to the ground hysterically  giggling.

He fell at her side.

"You are going riding with me tomorrow  on your dad's  old bike...no argument." Rey stated.

Ben glanced over at the freckled girl, "So I am..."

* * *

 

"Hux, I told you man, I'm not sure. I  will hang around my grandparent's old place a while...the girl I texted you about...she's still here and I want to find out more...I was just planning on popping in before London...but I need to see more. She's  been squatting here since the spring... there's alot to it...I  will explain  later I swear..." Ben didn't  feel like explaining it all on the phone. 

"Ok ok Ben,  just remember she could still be out for your money...or your throat so keep your wits. And your mother expected you here...so call her." Hux reminded him.

Ben sighed, his mother would show up if he didn't  talk to her.

He pulled out his phone and told his mother he was doing improvements  to the old property before he went to London to see Hux. That he would  send her pictures if she didn't  bother him, and would come see them after London.

His mother seemed satisfied.

He saw Rey's  backpack in the floor, he knew she was in the barn. He had a moment. 

He dug into her bag, her license was current...but had a Florida address. Probably way old address. Her last name...he saw it. Rey Alanon. 

He pulled his phone out again, sent her name to his lawyer. He told Mitaka to find out everything he could about her. He would touch base with him later.

"Ben! You ready to go?" She yelled. "Grab my pack for me !"

He shoved her id back in, and joined her outside.  

"Ready?" Rey hopped on, he slid on behind her...hands around her waist. "Let's go." 

The old Harley roared to life. 

Ben couldn't  help feeling like his dad Han would love this...

 

 

 


	9. Roar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vibration is almost too much... the speed whips your hair... the roar of the loud engine leaves your hearing impaired after... but oh how it feels...like flying... like an orgasm... like death... like rebirth... that's how Rey describes it... Ben can't summon a single word in response ...he climbs on behind her...

"What's wrong? ...scared big guy?" Rey teased.

It's not that Ben is scared per say... but his dad's bike is old and sat unused a long time...

But her grin...

He tightens his grip...

All he can hear is the roar...the wind...she's speaking off and on but he can't understand a word...

And she feels so warm...smells so good...

The world flies by in a blur...

It's minutes...

It's  hours...

It's years...

It's  lifetimes...

Or it could be...he dreads letting her go...

He rode with his dad when he was young...but it never felt like this...

This spitfire, crazy girl...where had the universe been hiding her?

He knew they had left the small town... he stopped seeing anything  familiar long ago...

Rey slowed down, she guided the bike off the road into the woods.

They stopped.

"Beautiful huh?" Rey asked.  She was looking out at mountains before them. 

He gazed at her instead, "yes, gorgeous..."

"Come on...we are gonna chill here a bit. I stumbled  on this place. It's  a drop at the edge, but the view... it's breathtaking...I love to sit here and read..." Rey glowed.

Ben smiled, taking a seat at the high drop with her...this fearless creature. "It is pretty high up Rey...does anything  shake you?"

"I'm  human...people scare me more than anything  else...they can be cruel... messed up...I've seen the ugliest parts of humanity..." she looked sullen. 

He tensed...knowing he'd been the not so nice guy many times...but right now he hated anyone who had burst her happiness...he wanted to erase any bad she'd  experienced...kiss every scar...

Lord...what? 

He didn't  know this girl...she could be a con artist...anyone...

He fought against  his better judgement and slowly  took her hand...

She glanced up and smiled... blushing...

She didn't  pull away...

He found his mind wandering... what else could create such a lovely shade of pink to decorate her cheeks...lower?

 

 

 


	10. All these voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben woke the next morning, yanked the jeans on the floor beside the bed on...the house was too quiet. He wandered downstairs rubbing his sleepy eyes. He saw the bike gone.. her bag gone..."well damn..." he mumbled.

He sulked. 

No, she did not owe him any explaination of where she went...but he couldn't help being annoyed.  

Where would she even go?

He opened the fridge hunting breakfast.  

There on a covered plate with a post it.

A pink post it with a smiley face.

Under the smiley face was a note.

_enjoy._

He pulled the cover back to see an omelet.

He warmed it in the new microwave. The first bite made him close his eyes. 

"Mmmmm...."  he hummed.

* * *

 

He stared at the 4th  wall.

After he'd gone to sleep she'd been busy...

She'd  started a mountain range scene...the scene she took him to...

Ben mused, examining every inch. She had to have worked all night...

People...two tiny people...

...no.... them!

There they were,  sitting at the edge looking out...looking happy.

He warmed...

He was relieved  she wasn't there to see the blush on his ears.

But the scene had been lovely...and her wanting to share it with him...made him smile.

It wasn't finished...but he looked over it again...

Heading out to the back porch, he noticed Chewie. "Hey girl...missing Rey? Any eggs for me?"

There were a couple.

 He grabbed them, gave the chicken some seeds, and washed the eggs. He stuck them in the egg bowl she'd  made in the fridge.

He chuckled, Rey always talked to Chewie like a boy...but it was a girl. He wondered if the chicken knew the difference...or would care. 

He doubted it...if she pampered the thing...

He walked out to look over his mom's  garden closer...she had made it look new again...his mother would love the idea...

He hated pulling weeds for his mother...but now...if Rey asked...he realized he would gladly set to work. 

* * *

 

Later in the afternoon he was finishing going through his massive e-mails...he despised it.

Most of them were junk...

Rey wasn't  back...

He felt like a stupid teen with a crush...

She was definately  not so preoccupied  by thoughts of him...and she was way younger...

"Ben...get your head out of your ass !" He said to himself.

He texted Mitaka again...trying to see if he found out anything  yet...

He texted Poe about swinging by for a beer...

He texted Hux that he'd contacted his mother...

He noticed missed calls in his notifications.

Business....yuck...

Phasma...yikes...

mom...eeeeeepppppp...

Unknown  number...?...

Listening to voicemails sucked...he deleted them...mostly...

Several  properties he was liquidating were sold...relief.

He wanted less responsibility...

But when he found  himself sprawled out in his bed after a hot shower late that night...his mind drifted...

To freckled cheeks...

To Hazel eyes glinting gold...

To bare feet...

To a soft voice...

To the form he'd seen draped in moonlight...

To giggles...

Ben huffed...this was not good...

And to his anxious brain...he worried...she was still not back from wherever she trapsed off to...

He needed a distraction...thoughts of her only created unwanted reactions...he wasn't  some carnally driven bafoon...he wasn't so weak...

He resisted to urge to grip himself... choosing to roll over and force himself  to sleep...

* * *

 

"All the voices in my head get loud...I  wish that I  could shut them out...!"

He vaguely heard music blaring...

Eminem...he thinks he hears it LOUD.

And yes...it's still night. 

Well...Rey must be back...

Ben sighs...sliding out of bed.

He finds her painting...adding to the mountain  scene...

singing along to the booming tunes...

dancing about as she painted...

barefoot in pale blue panties and a star wars tank...it has the death star on the back...

Her hair wild in a ball on top of her head...

He grins...

The next song...the next three songs are Adele...and her voice raises...she must really like this one...

He doesn't move...just watches her end up with splotches of color on her arms...legs...face...messy in her movements...

When she stops a moment finally, sets down her tools, she sits down staring.

The music is turned off.

"hi Ben..." Rey greets. "Sorry if I  woke you up...I  got a burst of inspiration when I got back and ...well...I  forgot about you being here a minute..."

"Forgot me...huh...it looks good though. Where did you end up today?" He prodded.

Rey laughed, "needed some cash so I left early to clean a couple houses for Maz. Not too far, next town over. One just took a while...but I got a few things at their Walmart."

"So you have star trek and star wars tanks...which do you prefer? I'm  partial to star wars..." Ben inquired. He was trying  not to acknowledge  her lack of covering.

Rey giggled, "I like both...but I guess I think it'd  be cool to have powers..."

"Have you ever marathoned all the movies? " he asked. He had enjoyed doing that with his granddad. Jumped around with his toy lightsaber pretending to be a jedi.

Rey shook her head, "nah...I only like the ewoks and droids...the rest kinda struck me as a space soap opera...besides I had a crush on captain Kirk..."

Ben laughed, "you are full of surprises..."

 

 

 


	11. Poe the kind of smartass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sat drinking a beer on Poe's patio. They'd been sitting like that since noon...

"Man, it's getting  close to 7, you hungry?"  Poe asked.

Ben shrugged, "I can always eat."

The pizza arrived and they stuffed themselves.

 Poe listened to all the gory details  of Ben's  houseguest. "So Mitaka  hasn't  gotten back with you about her yet?"

"No, he says he's not done yet...but nothing popped up immediately. That might not even be her real name...people use fake ids all the time. She has an accent...maybe she's  illegally here. She's unique ...but I don't  think there's  motives to rob, blackmail, or murder me... " Ben added.

"Young huh, you said 19? Wow...out of high school...college age? She sounds like a free spirit hippie type, I  don't  think she expected  anyone to show up...the things she's  done...I  think she could  like you..." Poe  said thoughtfully then snickered.

"Phas keeps trying call me..." Ben  looked annoyed.

Poe smirked, "well...dude...you finally let her almost sleep  with you after dating-ish for over 6 months...and left her on her knees in a hotel in Berlin...she's entitled to ask why and be pissed."

Ben looked at the floor, shamed, "yeah, I've  been known  to be an asshole...I couldn't.  I felt nothing for her...I  mean my dick reacts to them...but my mind doesn't...it's just empty. I  have enjoyed  fucking in my screwed up life but I  want more now...I  want what you found with Kay. You laugh...cuddle...fight ...fuck...live a life together...and congrats...I  really am happy about your daughter coming. "

"Thanks, I'm  lucky...but I was kinda a whorish bastard before her...I  met her and it like woke me up when I  didn't  even realize how dead I was inside. And now...I  am going to be a daddy...I can't  wait to kiss that girl and protect her.  Kay gave me those gifts...she's precious  to me. I  want you to find that..." Poe  grinned.

Ben took another swig and tossed his bottle on the trashcan. "There's  something  with this girl...I feel it..  it is terrifying...she's just a world of possibilities I  never knew I wanted but know I don't  deserve..."

Poe patted his shoulder as they went in the house. "Just let it ride man, don't  fight it...regret leaves a sour taste..."

* * *

 

Mitaka sent Ben a long email. It had attachments...

He'd  found her. 

She was from England originally... her family had taken her on vacation in Mexico when she was two.The small picture of the little version of Rey stared up at him with wide eyes, wrapped in a blanket. They'd  been attacked with other tourists by a drug cartel. The parents killed, the children  sold. She'd  been  recovered in a raid on an incoming  shipment in Florida. Human trafficking. She'd been placed in the system. Her case sealed, for her protection.  Bounced house to house, emancipated at 15. Graduated early because of her intellect. Spotty job history. No felonies.

She was an orphan...had suffered trauma.  Ben winced. He wouldn't  have guessed...where he was broody and bitter...she was singing and sunshine. She was smart... very...and fiercely  independent. 

He stocked up on groceries, head still pounding from his stay over at Poe's. 

He would tread carefully...if she felt cornered she'd  bolt. 

He smiled, glancing over the art section, he bought her various sized brushes and paints. 

When he got home she was not in the house.

He unloaded the food.

He took the art supplies and arranged them like a bouquet  in front of the wall she was still adding to. 

He started dinner. Decided tacos would be easy. He stuck a pan of brownies on the counter. He couldn't  bake but he could buy...and this wandering girl had a sweet tooth.

He text Phasma back, asking her not to contact him again...he was an ass and sorry...

He went upstairs  to take a shower...thinking of chestnut  locks...tan legs...

He was in trouble...

 


	12. Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat by the creek for hours reading, took a nap, listening to nature...it was centering. She missed her parents. The idea of them was clear and solid. She remembers those small things...but their faces even blur in her memory now. She hears her mother's voice...she smells her daddy's cologne....the people that killed them and took her and the other children that day robbed her of having more...

Rey saw him leave, briefly  questioned where Ben might be going...it wasn't her business. 

He was gone all day and that night. 

Maybe to see his friend he mentioned in town? ...to see a girl?

He hadn't  mentioned a girl... girlfriend...ex...nadda...

She liked him...he was cute... awkward...maybe broody... 

He had definately  been kinder than most upon finding her in his house...on his property. Maz had found Rey's story hilarious...

Told her if he didn't have her arrested or ask her to leave maybe he wanted a date. Rey had laughed it off. He had who knows how much money...he could do better than a squatting orphan.  

She did miss his company that night though at dinner. When he wasn't back in the morning she decided a day of walking and sketching was perfect.

Rey threw her sketchpad, charcoal,  and color pencils in her pack. She made snacks and tossed a couple bottles of water in too. 

She sketched trees, birds, flowers, the creek...it was serene.

She planned to head back in late afternoon  or at least by dinner. 

Dipping her toes in the cold water she felt some smooth stones... worn by time and waterflow...

She really loved this place...maybe Ben would let her keep taking care of the property officially  when he left again...he'd mentioned going to visit a friend in England...going to see his parents who were staying in Italy...his life had been travelling for last handful  of years...surely he was still on that path...the property would need maintenance...love...or it would fall to disrepair...if neglected again...she decided to ask him when the moment  was right.

Rey wondered if he'd  let her draw him...she blushed. She liked his eyes, lips, the way his hair framed his face...and his body....yikes! 

* * *

 

Ben saw her approaching...it was almost dark. Dinner was actually  ready. 

Perfect timing.

He set the table, added the cup of daisies to the center. Wildflowers like her. She'd  been daily sticking them about, she would appreciate  the effort.

Ben casually  fixed his tacos wondering where Rey had been all day.

The door creaked open, "mmmmm tacos...I  was just debating  what to make...you beat me to it Ben."

She reached around him and started making hers.

"I hung out with my buddy Poe in town last night, I  told you about him...well him and his girlfriend Kay are expecting  a little girl. We had a bit too much to drink...you out in the woods all day today?" Ben smiled.

Rey grinned, "awesome  for them! Yeah, just walking...sketching."

They sat and ate, she touched the daisies. Grinned. "I've  rubbed off on you Solo."

"Definately..." he replied.

Rey ate a second plate then washed her dish, snagged a brownie. "Mmmmm chocolatey num numminess..." moaning soft.

Ben stiffened, that sound went through him. 

She licked her fingers, "oh yeah,... I had a question...you said you were fixing the place up...stopping in a bit. But ultimately planning to head back out of country again for who knows how long...right?"

"Yeah...at some point." He stated.

"Well, this place needs regular care. I  could maintain  it for you... officially...if you want. I like this place...the area. I am going back to see my friends in Florida  soon, but I kinda wanted to come back here after... with permission this time..." Rey explained  hopefully. 

Ben smirked, "I would be fine with that. I  was thinking of hiring someone  before I found you here...when are you going to visit your friends? I won't  be leaving to go to England for a while yet.  Not until possibly October."

"Ah cool, yeah I'm thinking in a week, visit them a couple  weeks, then come back....thanks !" Rey sauntered  out of the kitchen.

Ben grinned.

Not even a moment  later she came squealing back in and hugging his neck. "The brushes and paints ! Thankyou! That was so nice !"

He was blushing...there was no way he wasn't  with her wrapped around him so tight. She was beautiful  and warm... smelling like flowers...he was in hell or heaven ...he hadn't  decided yet.

But he didn't  try to make her touches linger...or hold her back.

"No problem...just a thankyou from me for what you've  done around here." He declared. Her joy made his heart swell. 

Rey beamed, "I love it. Anyway, I'm  going to work on my mountains a bit...cya....you should let me sketch you sometime..." 

Before he could answer she was gone. 

 

 

 


	13. Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has the house to himself for two solid weeks...Rey had gone back to Florida to visit friends. He hated it...the house...it's empty without her noise...her life...he has never needed such things...distractions... weakness...but she melts his icey exterior...knocks down his walls...armed with a simple smile...he was a fool...

He kept telling himself he was not missing her... 

She really  was a stranger.. questionable....

She was odd...so different  from anyone he'd  met...

She was...magic walking...

He tuttered around deciding what else he wanted to fix...improve. The front door needed new paint, the shudders needed replaced, barn painted, his gran always wanted a gazebo...new shrubs along the driveway...brick mailbox put in, he thinks the wood floors would benefit from a new wax job...

Poe said pool...Hux said pave his ridiculously  long gravel driveway...

So Ben did both...

He had landscapers make the whole area look nice when the pool was done. 

Gazebo nestled near the pool. The pool was laid out wide, with one side housing a slide, the other a rock waterfall. A poolhouse added including a bathroom inside and tiny kitchen.

A bit extravagant...but he knew who would adore it....

...all the greenery...a hammock added in the shady spot he'd seen her sit many times...he put in a bench on the hill she liked to watch the sunset on. A burnpit for bonfires...he guessed...another Poe suggestion.

He was a fool...why did he want to give this girl every single thing he could think of...

...she didn't ask...

...she valued tiny joys...

...he hoped she'd love this place enough to never leave...

Oh lord...he thought...

The  giant tree he climbed  as a child sat distinctively...he had a swing added to it...childish yes... but he thinks his gran would be proud. 

His granddad adored his gran...had a long list he wanted to accomplish  for her here...never quite had the funds...Ben's parents had done well... he had money to spare...

He'd  used it to travel...experience the world after college...but that was mostly done alone...this place felt warm again because of her...his grandparents would have welcomed  her.

He pulled weeds from his mom's old garden...no Rey's garden. It was hers...

When he told his parents about her finally ...they'd had a million questions... most he didn't  have answers to...but they liked he found someone to fix up the house.

They liked him having an interest...a task...

He kept the more personal  moments to himself. 

His mother loved her garden had new hands in it's  earth...

His dad was thrilled she got his bike working...laughed his ass off that Ben got talked into riding.

He sent them pictures of rhe improvements...he paid extra to have everything  done faster...

They were excited he'd  be coming to stay in Italy with them in the fall.

Maz was glad to give Rey the job of upkeep at the property  when he was to leave. Ben had known the old bat forever...they decided on Rey's  fee per week and he asked Maz to let him know if Rey needed more. 

Ben walked her paths, sat by the creek, talked to Chewie, and stared at her paintings. 

Chewie got a new habitat...

He sent pictures of the walls to Hux and Poe.  

They were astounded as he had been. 

He fixed easy meals. Poe and Kay  joined him a few times.

The baby would be a Christmas baby it seemed. They were still at odds about the name.

But Kay  hugged him crying when she came home to his gift...he bought all the baby room furniture  and had the nursery painted for them.

Poe was in shock too. Ben started the baby's  college fund for them. The deposit was $5,000. It would be his god daughter...he argued he had the means. 

For his oldest friend...anything. Ben wasn't easy to know.

Now he waited anxiously...for Rey. 


	14. Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn, Jessika, and Rose practically pounced Rey when she arrived. They shared a house a mile from the beach and each held little part time jobs. Rey would stay on their couch when she came back...they just never knew for how long. Rose worked at her dad's shop with her sister Paige so when Rey rolled up on an old Harley they were stoked.

"Oh my god Rey!" Rose squealed. "Finn is gonna die ! Why didn't you let us know ?"

Rey smiled, "I wanted to surprise you guys. Finn at the coffee house?" She asked as they hugged.

Rose shrugged, "I think so. Jess is at work too, she's  a lifeguard at the resort beach. But hey, I'll get off early, here's my key...just head home and take a nap."

"Sounds perfect, I drove all night." Rey yawned.

"When you gonna tell is where you been? It's like August and you left in March..." Rose  asked.

Rey grinned mischievously, "you know I never tell...and I don't do social  media so no one can find me unless I want them to...see ya later chik!" 

"I'll let Jess and Finn know to head straight home after work. I'll make  quesadillas." Rose waved at her as she left.

* * *

Rey stretched out on the couch... sighing. It felt good. She would hang with her friends and socialize a bit. 

Her phone wrang loud on the coffee table...

Maz...

"Hey Maz, if you got a job for me it'll  have to wait...or go to somebody else...I'm not available  this week or next...I'm in Florida visiting friends." Rey explained. 

Maz laughed, " no honey, ...it's about a future job. You must have made quite an impression on the Solo boy...not only did he not have you arrested for trespassing or kick you out, ...now he's  asked me to set you up as sole caretaker of that property and house when he goes back to Europe  for a bit. He set up your pay as weekly with stipulations that if funds are ever needed for the home ...repairs... etc...I  make arrangements to get you additional money..."

Rey giggled, "really? I asked about staying on...I  didn't even consider getting paid...figured free board was enough...I  really like the place..."

"Benjamin Solo is like his father... he doesn't trust easy...there are no hand outs...I  hear he's  been busy already doing more improvements. It's a good gig for sure my dear... and more money than you're used to. " Maz told her.

Rey felt pride. Ben trusted her. He was impressed by the work she did.

Her curiousity got the better of her, "hey Maz...is he single? Been married or is he a playboy type?"

"Well...he's had a rough go of it...family drama...and women have tried to nail him down for years... money comes with fake friends and gold diggers unfortunately... he's dated but nothing serious. The boy did a little modelling  when he was younger... that was not a good experience  for him...his mother Leia is an old friend of mine...still calls me to vent. You have nothing to worry about...he seems to like you honey...respects whatever you've  done over there. His grandparents  were close to him...that place holds his best memories." Maz was glad to give Rey the information she could. "Hey I'll  go over contracts with you later...have fun with your friends."

"Thanks, cya!" Rey hung up. And fell out. She was exhausted.

* * *

 

"Rey!" Yelled Finn as he jumped on her on the couch. 

Jessika followed suit, "omg Rey we have missed you ! You have got to quit vanishing like you do."

Rey grunted, "yeh yeh, you know me...food done? I am starved!"

"Yeah, Rose beat us home but let you sleep. I  ... me and Rose are kinda dating now..." Finn  looked so excited  to tell her. 

"That's amazing...so happy for you. I  got a steady job lined up where I've been living,  Maz just called me earlier...it'll be good money. I'm  totally ready for it. The place  is so beautiful...the owner travels like I said so he's letting me be caretaker officially. " Rey bragged.

Finn hugged her up tight, "congrats sunshine !"

Rose hollered from the kitchen, "food!"

The three practically ran.

The dinner was nice.

Rey felt home. She had no real family...but made her own.

Maz was like a mom...Rose, Finn, and Jessika her sisters...brother...

That night they all curled up on a pallet of blankets and pillows in the living room...puppy pile. Watching all the Harry Potter flicks in a row...until they passed out.

Rey sent Ben a picture of them cuddled up on their pallet before the first movie. She hoped he would get a laugh.

They planned to go swimming the next day at their special spot. Rey couldn't  wait.

* * *

 

Ben got his first picture from Rey the day after...well night after she left.  It was pretty late...but it made him chuckle. 

It was of her cuddled up with 2 girls and a boy...on the floor...the caption said...

(puppy pile movie marathon night!)

The next messege said...

(Rose, Finn, and Jessika...my brother and sisters. My crazy family says 'Hi Ben!')

Ben figured they were her Poe and Hux...

He knew she didn't  have any real family. Maz watched out for her like her daughter...she was loved by people.  He could see why...

Over the next week he got more...

...pictures at the beach... restaurants...

....a Halloween store...

...funny faces...

...food...

...then there were randoms of birds, shells, flowers, skies, rocks, the water's edge on her feet...

The second week she sent him a picture someone had taken of her...he had felt his chest tighten as he gazed at it...

She was laying in the waves letting them splash on her...turquoise bikini...hair windblown...smiling bright...eyes closed...sunset behind her.

Ben was speechless...she was magnificent...

At the bottom it said...

(Wish you were here to play with us...you would love my friends...)

He sent back that he would enjoy meeting  them...though the thought actually  terrified him. 

She could make friends with a wall...a hermit...the meanest person ever...HIM...anyone...

...he was good at pissing people  off...being antisocial...hiding from people...

He looked forward to her return. Maz told him Rey agreed to the job. The house was looking great... everything done.

Ben was nervous and thrilled, he prayed she loved it all...

 


	15. Laugh with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey soaked it in...the sun felt warm...so good...she closed her eyes...the water splashed up as it hit the beach and her...her hair whipped in the wind...the sunset was beautiful...Finn took the picture. But Rose told her she should send it to Ben. Show him what fun he was missing with her and her crazy friends...

Rey knew some of the pictures she sent were silly but she hoped it helped Ben not feel lonely...he always struck her as lonely...even though he chose to make himself that way. 

But ...she had been enjoying his company...he had been kind to her...

She wanted to share her fun with him...all the joys her friends gave her...

 

* * *

 

 

Her last day there was fantastic...

Finn, Jessika,  and Rose took off work...Paige joined them.

They spent the day at the resort beach surfing, riding jetskis, swimming, sunning, and grilling. 

Paige made margaritas...peach mango strawberry....yummmm !

Rey sang to the radio with Finn. 

They played beach volleyball with some high school  boys.

One boy hit on Rey...she kindly dismissed it.

That night they sat around a small fire and shared memories...talked about the future...their dreams.

They woke on their blankets on the beach...fire long dead.  

Rey's phone read 5a.m.

She was going to miss them...but they accepted who she was...how she lived...loved her...like she loved them.

She glanced at her phone. 

She sent Ben a Text.

(See you tomorrow) 

He wouldn't  see it for a bit, but she smiled...she looked forward to seeing what Maz mentioned...what he'd  done to the house.

She was excited  to see him...his shy...odd self...

* * *

 

 

 

Ben heard the ping...

 

"Who the fuck?!" He growled.

"At this ungodly fucking hour...?!" He bellowed ripping the blankets off to get his phone from his dresser."Someone better be dead !"

Then he saw who...and his annoyance vanished...his anger was gone.

He smiled...

(See you tomorrow)

Rey...

 

 

 


	16. Ex's and oh's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Benjamin I have been your friend...we got a tad more serious and you freaked out. But you dick, you left me in Berlin without a fucking word! Then tried to avoid me. That's pretty damn cowardly! I deserved better. Honesty for one...common fucking courtesy for two !" Phasma stood in his doorway steamed... scowling...Ben swallowed.

"I....I  have no excuse Phas...I  don't  do relationships...we got more physical  and I didn't want to lead you on..." Ben confessed as he led her to the living room. 

Phasma grinned, "I wasn't  digging for a cozy love thing Solo...we had fun...I  liked you...despite you being well...YOU. Sex doesn't  mean love. But leaving like that was shitty. Anyway, I'm  leaving for business in New York, just thought I'd  check on you when you blocked me.  I'm  your friend...don't be an ass."

"Hux told you where I was? I'm sorry..." Ben stiffened. 

Phasma  kissed his cheek, "Ben, you need to figure your shit out...call me if you need to talk or anything. " she gave him a wink.

He showed her back out, watched her Porsche zoom away. 

She'd shown him many physical  acts without penetration...she enjoyed the psychological aspects of power involving  sex...he had been ...weak in her hands...broken down...she helped him work through some of his shit from when he'd  been a model...but when it was time to completely give himself over he ran...scared shitless...of losing himself...

She'd  gotten in his head where as the few others he got involved with were superficial...a quick fuck and gone. 

Hux told him she was a dangerous  woman...known her for years...but he'd  been tempted...

Now he thought of Rey...she would be back possibly today...he didn't want her to know that man...who he'd been behind closed doors with Phasma...others...what happened  to him when he was young and stupid...trusting...

He called Poe, "hey, you and Kay want to come for dinner? ...we can swim and grill? Phas showed up to talk...Rey is supposed to be back from visiting her friends.... "

Poe knew the tone, "of course man,...you alright?"

"Yeah,...just thinking...dangerous for me..." Ben stammered a little.

* * *

 

"The water's  great Ben...thanks for having us !" Said Kay. 

Poe watched her swimming and smiled. He helped Ben add burgers to the new grill. "You got a big one dude...with all the spending the last couple weeks...are you staying longer?"

Ben shook his head, "my grandad had so much he wanted to add to this place for gran...never had the money...I do, so I wanted to... do... well...everything...plus Rey has agreed to be caretaker...she will enjoy all the improvements..."

Poe grinned, "so she's staying"

"She sent me a lot of pictures  while she was visiting  friends... like I'm her buddy...one picture was...breathtaking..." Ben stared off...then pulled his phone out showing Poe.

"Man, she likes you...either as a friend  or something  else to do that...you were on her mind while she was gone. And wow...that pic is hot! Whoever took the shot caught her looking amazing. She's  beautiful. You my friend  like her, be careful...you are still kind of a wreck...just look at what happened  with Phasma. That situation  got pretty far into fucked up stuff...and you freaked when you got too close to her...let her in too deep." Poe explained.

"Yeah, I know...she pulls me into a calm place...it's wierd...I  found escape in darkness doing crazy shit with Phas...it felt good until it didn't ...the release. But Rey...she makes me see little things...feel things I  don't  understand...good tnings..." Ben went on. Flipped the burgers, added cheese.

Poe set the sides out, the potato  salad, the cake Kay made. 

They heard a roar...the bike.

Rey parked by the back porch, waved at Ben. Disappeared  in the house with her stuff.

15 minutes later as he placed the burgers on the table, she reappeared  in that turquoise  swimsuit. Hair loose.

Ben smiled, Poe yelled at Kay food was done.

"Ben the place looks ...wow! Maz wasn't  kidding...you were a busy boy while I was gone." Rey praised. 

She grabbed food and sat down to chow. 

Kay came up towelling off, "hi Rey! I'm  Kay...this is Poe. Nice to finally meet you. Ben's been telling us about your painting and such.You did some great work on the property,  and inspired  him to keep going. "

"Thanks, yeah, I'll  enjoy checking everything out. This place is so cool. It's  nice to meet you both. So Poe, you went to college with Ben?" Rey took big bites. 

Poe took a sip of tea, "yup, he was my roommate...I  had to make him do something  besides books  and studying. But he's  been a good friend.  He's  going to be our daughter's  godfather.  Already spoiling her rotten."

Rey laughed, "really? What have you done Solo?"

Ben blushed.

Kay piped up, "Don't  you dare be shy Ben. Rey, he surprised  me by having the nursery done and bought all her furniture... he even started her college fund for us. It was too much...but as you've seen with the house...Ben Solo doesn't do small. It really meant a lot to us, my folks don't  have much and Poe lost his mom years ago...his dad isn't  in great health...we are planning to get married eventually,  so money's  tight."

Ben waved her off, "it was nothing. You guys are patient  with me...Poe has really been there for me. You  guys are family."

"That's  so sweet! I'd  love to paint a scene for you in the nursery  if you want...a zoo? Farm? Flowers ? You said it's  a girl?" Rey volunteered.

Kay beamed, "oh that would be super! We saw your big works... they really are gorgeous.  Flowers...maybe a field, trees,..."

"Yeah I could definately, just let me know when. Have you picked a name yet?" Rey picked at her salad.

Poe nodded, "yes, finally. We couldn't  make up our minds. But we picked."

Kay smiled, " Ashley Renee Dameron. Ashley after my grandma...Renee after Poe's mom."

"Perfect you guys." Ben said.

"So pretty, " Rey added. 

"Cake!" Kay beamed.

They sat, ate, laughed. Poe told a  few funny stories from college... then Kay related how they'd  met...that it was actually  Ben's  fault. 

Later they were all in the pool. 

Rey giggled, Ben didn't  move around much, she caught him watching Poe and Kay a lot. "They are super cute together."

Ben got a bit embarrassed,  "yes, I am happy for them. I want that someday...it's hard to see myself there though..."

The sadness  coming over his face bothered Rey.  

He was kind to her...generous to these people.

And...gorgeous...wealthy...why wouldn't  someone want him?

Why would he think he couldn't  be happy with someone?

"You can...everyone can...it's a choice how we live...who we share it with..." she told him kindly.

Ben gazed at her, she felt it go through her. He looked awed.

Ben turned away, "I added many things, I'll  show you all of it tomorrow  if you want...Maz needs you to sign paperwork  and approve your pay. There's a payroll account  in your name that will have weekly deposits. The bank needs you to come fill out paperwork  with them too."

"Thanks...yeah I'll  do that. Show me everything when I get back from Maz and bank?" Rey asked.

"Of course," he replied.

* * *

 

Poe and Kay headed out late, Ben saw them off.

He came back into the house after he cleaned up outside. He made sure the grill was off.

He was tired.

Rey had vanished, he assumed to get ready for bed. 

When he passed through the living room to head upstairs he saw her asleep  on the couch. 

She wore one of his plaid shirts... he swallowed. 

So beautiful...he looked down at her...hair had fallen in her face. He reached slowly tucking it behind her ear. He grabbed a quilt and covered her. 

He listened intently  as she breathed...a lulaby to his aching soul...

He wanted so badly to pet her cheek...rub her skin...

Always legs bare..tempting him...

She has no shame...always in panties and a shirt or tank...he knew she was just comfortable  with herself...she trusted him not to hurt her...

That was enough to keep him in check...

He sighed...

* * *

The next day Rey went to see Maz,  filled out all the paperwork.

She went to the bank. The little debit card felt so odd. She's always just used a tin can to hide her money.

Plutt stole her cash when he fostered her.  He had been an ass. She went to more that 13 homes... his was the last before she requested  emancipation.  His care had left a sour taste.  

He'd  been verbally abusive and physically neglectful. He tried touching her when she she blossomed more curves...despite her malnutrition....she'd hidden from him after fighting back. 

The police had taken him in, she'd  requested emancipation.

Taking extra courses she'd  graduated early and took off...on her own at 15...travelling at 16. Her friends had worried but been supportive.  Maz gave her work and kept her fed.

She had an apartment  for bit before coming to Ben's  property but couldn't pay the rent. Losing it had sucked. 

She felt safe here. Ben was safe.

Rey thought back to George, her first kiss in middle school. He played soccer and had soft lips. But he had disappeared just as fast. His family moved with his mom's  new job...

She crushed on Finn once, but when they'd  tried to be physical in high school, it was odd and wierd. As freshmen  they were eachother's firsts.... but realized they were meant to be friends.

 Rose knew of course. Rey was happy they were so happy. 

Rey took her card and bought some new clothes at Wal-Mart,  pair of sandals. She really thought Ben was paying her too much. Her first deposit was already in the account. $700. 

But Rey knew, he didn't think it was...he didn't see money the same as her...people who had lots of it couldn't  see it the same as people who rarely had it.

He would be offended if she argued about it. 

She saw a game, smiling she bought it...they would play it. 

* * *

 

Ben sat looking over old pictures. His mother had boxed most things up when they'd been there so long ago. 

He set a few out.

There was one of his mother on his grandad's knee, ...a wedding picture of his grandparents, ...another of him when he was small with his parents here. 

He set them in various spots in the living room. He left the box sitting on the coffe table. 

Called his mother.

"Mom, hey. Yeah, all the additions are done. I'm  showing the caretaker  today. Don't  worry, she signed the paperwork...the house will be in good hands." Ben told her. "Everything is set up, I've got my flight set for October first, I'll  stay with Hux in London for 3 weeks then take a flight to you. Luke still in China somehwere?"

"Glad to hear it. Yes, he is son, my brother really has become an old hermit. He was studying with monks last I heard. Your father bought another airline. He has been swamped with interviews. Be glad no one knows where you are. Will we be meeting this Phasma you've  been seen trapsing around Germany and France with?...is she a girlfriend? Is she coming with you?"

Ben sighed, the gossip rags had photographed  them so many times during that 6 months...he was a commodity... someone to catch. "No mom, we are just friends...loosely even that...I'm coming alone."

* * *

 

Rey pulled up and parked by the back porch. 

Seeing the property  in the daylight she could really see all the things he'd  added. 

"Rey...get everything  done?" Ben stood on the back porch smiling.

Rey grabbed her bags, "yup, got us a game to play later after dinner.  Let me toss my stuff in the house. Then I  want you to show me what all you did."

* * *

 

He showed her everything... explained why each item was picked.

He shared memories  of his grandparents  and parents here. 

Rey  loved the bench on the hill...the new habitat  for Chewie...the gazebo... the poolhouse...

"It's  all so great Ben, your gran would think it's  beautiful. The trees ...flowers..." Rey praised.

Ben motioned to the poolhouse. "take a look...it has a bathroom,  small kitchen, a bedroom.  This is for you Rey, there's plenty of room for you to make it your own. You will still have access to the big house and anything on the property ... but I thought you'd  like having something yours." 

Rey laughed,  "you are too much Ben! This...thankyou ! I won't  let you down! This place will stay perfect and I'll keep your happy memories  safe. Omg Ben ...oh a swing !"

She dashed away from the poolhouse to his old climbing tree.

Ben leisurely  walked to join her. "Want a push?" 

Rey beamed, "definately!"

He pulled the ropes back and let go letting her go forward. He kept pushing her.

Her eyes closed as she let the wind hit her face.

Her smile and giggles warmed his heart. She swung and swung.

He could remember  hanging upside from the tree's branches...

"This is amazing !" Rey yelled. 

Ben thought pushing his child on this swing someday was a nice thought...

He shook the daydream away...it will never happen...

"Glad you like everything...my grandad wanted to do so much for gran...its good someone can enjoy that I've  accomplished  things for him." Ben told her. He pushed her again  gently.

 

 

 


	17. Wishful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat on the bench watching sun rise. It's rays kissed her face... embraced the earth...heaven opened up and sang to her...

He saw her sitting on the hill, perched on the bench he'd put in for her.

He grinned.

* * *

 

"Thankyou so much Rey, we finally  decided  on a forest and flowers...can you do her name above the crib?" Kay asked as she guided Rey to the nursery.

Rey smiled, "anything you want!"

"Awesome! I'll holler at you for lunch and dinner." Kay told her as she left her to work.

Rey put in her ear buds and set to work...laying out her paints.

Bach... Dolly... Manson... Tori Amos... Miranda Lambert... Cher... her playlist was varied...

She lost herself as her music played...

 

* * *

 

 

"Chop those veggies hun, ...I think she is oblivious  how much he likes her." Kay told Poe.

"Yeah, I think she likes him too... she sent him all that stuff while she was gone...more onions?" Poe asked.

Kay grinned, "it's obvious to everyone  else...no more onions...go cut the meat to add to the pot."

Poe cut the meat into chunks, added it to the pot. Then chopped the carrots to add.

"Thanks babe, mmmm smells so good." Kay beamed and added more seasonings.

"The room is looking pretty great, have you peeked in there yet?" Poe slid up to her nuzzling her neck.

Kay shook her head, "not yet. She's worked all day though."

 

* * *

 

Rey glanced around the room... painting was therapeutic...

The scenes were coming to life... she loved creating these little worlds...

The drooping stretching trees looked realistic...the fields of flowers held so many types...the river wound...the skies held pinks, purples, oranges...a sunrise washing over it all...

Rey loved sunrises...

She looked over the name above the crib...green vines that looked elegant and curving...

 

* * *

 

 

Ben went into modelling looking to be his own man...find himself...

He was told he had a nice body...a unique look...

The awkward teenager felt confident... at 17 he'd signed on to train under Snoke himself. 

Darkside Modelling  International put out some of the highest in demand models...top dollar earners in the industry. 

Rumors circled the company...drug abuse...cruelty...

Their models had high instances  of depression and other issues... they were pushed hard.

Ivan Snoke donated millions to various causes, he had business dealings in Ben's parent's circles...Leia trusted the man. 

She signed her son up at his wish but missed the signs...his father busy acquiring  properties... growing his airline empire...

The quiet...

The food intake decline...

The mood swings...

He became less and less social...

Snoke overworked  his models... encouraged stimulants... recreational drugs to decrease stress...

He wanted them dependent on him...to feel he was all they had...

Isolation...manipulation...

Ben suffered a breakdown and caused a car crash...kept getting into fights at parties and clubs... almost beat a photographer  to death on set... 

Finally, when Ben failed several classes and punched out a professor...his mother filed paperwork  to get him out of his contract  with Snoke.  It had ended up costing his parents more than he ever knew...

He went back to college, saw a therapist, distanced himself from his parents and limelight. 

Ben travelled after college, feeling uncomfortable  staying anywhere long...

He saw only his flaws in the mirror...In other people's eyes...

He could still hear Snoke's voice in his head...

The voice used to haunt him... drown him in self pity...he truly hated himself...

Snoke called him pathetic...a boy hiding behind the mask of his parents...Ben believed him. 

He'd done the risky shots, the controversial themes...did everything  asked of him utterly devoted before he broke...

He slept with powerful women that Snoke needed for business dealings. He was used...but was blind to the truth until he broke...

Ben sat remembering...it was a lifetime ago...

But the voice it still haunted him...

Rey...she didn't  know that boy... that man...

...the strung out...

...the weak...

...the sleepless nights...

...the shame...

...the emptiness...

...the nightmares...

No, Rey was sunshine...hope...he wanted to give her this place that she loved as he did. 

It made him feel...human. 

He didn't want her to know his ugly parts...

He wanted to give her more...like Poe and Kay...like Hux...like his god daughter on the way...they wouldn't know that pain.

He glanced at his phone, Kay and Poe were about to have dinner with Rey. She'd been working on the nursery  all day.

She was inspired.

She inspired him.

 

 


	18. Shaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey winced, she'd stubbed her toe on the small coffee table...again. the poolhouse was nice but not as spacious as the big house. Still, it was fortifying calling the structure hers. She'd moved her few things inside. Ben had seemed so glad to provide this and the job...Rey knew someone like him was probably used to seeing women swoon. She wasn't most people...but anything he did always seemed so sincere... like he didn't want or expect anything back from her.

"Morning!" Rey said, joining Ben in the kitchen. 

Ben smiled, "good morning, let me know if the poolhouse needs any additional  furniture  or well...you need or want anything...eggs?"

She observed his smooth muscles flex, he grabbed a pan from the lower cabinet then from the fridge the milk...eggs...cheese..."sure... and the poolhouse  is fine. I  may paint inside there if you don't  mind."

"Not at all, it's yours...create whatever imagery you want. By the way, I need to go into town to meet someone, I'm expecting  a delivery. The item is to go into that empty room you decorated. My gran had one, but hers was sold at some point. The entertainment room is rather empty  without one...I look forward  to seeing it there...against the backdrop of your wall paintings." Ben served her some eggs and himself  then sat to eat.

Rey laughed, "not going to tell me what IT is?"

"No...it's a surprise." Ben inhaled his food. "I saw pictures of the nursery, Poe and Kay love it...that was generous of you...and it was quite detailed...beautiful."

"Not close to as generous as what you did for them...do you just have endless funds or what? You spend without a thought it seems like...you did all this around the house...a big investment when you could have simply got it painted and cleaned." Rey pushed.

Ben cocked his head, "my parents built an empire beyond what they had as youths...my mother's  politics...my father's  airlines and various investments. I used my own inheritance with it, I invested and I earned my own fortune a while back as well. I  didn't  spend frivolously...even in my travels. Thus I can afford to indulge  a bit. Besides, I consider this place an investment in my past...my heritage. Poe and Kay deserve alot, they have been understanding and Poe was there...when I was...less than kind."

"I can't  picture you as anything but kind..." Rey pierced him with those words.

Ben stood, washed his plate, "I'll be back. Please tell the men where to set up my purchase. Let me know if anything else needs repairs or improvements...I believe I've achieved what I hoped to."

"Ok, cya." Rey offered as he left.

She heard his truck pull away, she wondered who he was meeting. Why they didn't  just come to the house.

She cleaned her plate.

She popped in her ear buds and set about the house.

She dusted, swept, mopped, ... checked the garden for weeds and gathered veggies.  

Chewie clucked at her feet, there was just one egg today.

She saw the lawnservice workers in the yard, they mowed and trimmed. 

Ben had added so much plantlife around the pool and along the driveway. The men had extra to do.

After lunch the truck pulled up with his delivery. 

"Hello miss! Delivery for Solo,  where can I tell them to set it up?" The man asked.

Rey guided them, "he wants whatever it is in here."

"Ok." He replied, he had her sign his clipboard and directed his workers. 

Rey was taking the garbage out after cleaning the bathrooms when she noticed them gone. 

"I wonder what he bought...a sofa? A dining room set?" Rey asked to the air. 

She made her way back in the main house, and when she walked into the entertainment  room she froze.

Nestled within her painted walls was a piano...sleek and fine. It was a majestic creature. A grand piano...She'd never seen one in person.

She sat on the bench, her fingers caressed the keys...she envisioned the blackness changed to water...of fish and textures...maybe Ben would let her paint it...

She played with the keys...making different  sounds...she wondered if Ben could play...he probably  had lessons as a child...and not just piano...he struck her as someone of many hidden talents.

* * *

 

"Solo, always a pleasure!" The man greeted Ben at the small cafe.

Ben joined him at the table, "hello Jacob, I assume this is about the suppression."

"Well yes, I'm  afraid Ivan has rights to everything  you accomplished under his tutelage. He has the previous  contracts, and although your mother paid to get you out of it long ago. He can profit from what is considered his property. Any photos or books...etc...he can release anything  he wants, it's  perfectly  legal. You were young but it all was approached the legal way. He could've pressed charges when you almost killed his photographer. He didn't. The anthology doesn't  simply hold your images...no one else is fighting it's release... everyone will get rolyalties. I'm sorry Ben, nothing can be done. The law is on his side. Many are looking forward to his new book. It catalogs so many stars he discovered." Jacob explained.

Ben growled, "I hate that he is even still breathing, the man twisted us all...broke us...yet he is still ...after all these years ...untouchable. I barely survived that...life ...under his guidance. I hate that the fashion world is rewarding his cruelty...he molested so many minds...he's no better than a murderer...a rapist...he pimped us out to gain political and business favors..."

Jacob sighed, "but no one ever had proof...came forward. Not even you Ben. People moved on and pursued careers and enjoyed the money they made...contacts he introduced them to. He may be vile...but he did it while covering his ass."

"Someday he'll rot in hell. None of us came away unscathed...it's taken me years to recover...I still can't let anyone get too close." Ben closed his eyes.

Jacob frowned, "I'm sorry Ben, the book release is in November. Every model is in it...every collection he was involved in. You will receive royalties as per your old contract unless you decline them. I have the papers here if you want that. I just work there Ben, I've known you a long time...I'm sorry. The business world isn't  always kind. You could ask him yourself to keep you out of it, but other than entertaining him I doubt it will make a difference. "

Ben nodded, "thanks for checking Jacob, I  can't  face that monster. I  also don't  want a cent from that time. I decline, I'll  sign the papers."

Ben shook his hand and left.

He felt naked again, exposed.

He drove home haunted by images.

His tears fell, it pissed him off that Snoke held such power over him even now.

His mind still hearing his echoing degradation, his body still felt violated by what he'd  let himself  give into...

The drugs had become an escape... potent...numbing ecstasy...he would do shoots and party all night...climb on whoever Snoke demanded with promises of more drugs...until he'd  almost overdosed...

His mother had cried when he'd been hospitalized. She knew something  was wrong after the crash...the photographer... but this was the point of no return.  

Ben finally told her everything... Poe...

She paid a lot of money to buy out his contract. The gossip rags had hung him as a drugged out violent man...that Snoke and his agency were apalled by his tragedy. 

Leia asked him to let it go...and come home. He did briefly.  His therapy helped. Being in college helped. His few trusted friends helped.

He travelled  to keep the walls from closing in...

He slept with people he knew he would not keep...

No one really wanted him...they wanted his name...his family... money...

Phasma had been a breath of fresh air...wanting nothing from him but what he could give...

Dinners and drinks...turned into her introducing him to how to use pain as a pleasure release when he wouldnt have sex with her...

She showed how having power over someone and giving power over himself to them could help him work through his mental shit...

He swallowed. It got pretty intense. In Berlin he had finally moved beyond the bondage and tools...he let her touch him...she was on her knees sucking him off after he had eaten her out....he'd woken up from his haze ...freaked out...

He decided he wouldn't  have sex again like he had been...no more emptiness...and despite her help...he didn't want the pain anymore either...he couldn't  give that last piece to her...

But now...as his tears fell he thought of Rey...

Who was he now? Who could he be? 

This book release opened old wounds...made old scars burn...

His tattered psyche felt peace around this girl...

Yearning...he wasn't  shackled by her...her seamlessly easy ebb and flow intrigued  him...

He could picture his hands in hers, his lips against  her lips, he'd  seen her naked form...he stirred inside thinking of being intertwined and making her moan. 

But...he knew it wouldn't happen. 

She saw him as the owner...her now employer...just a guy...

She she had given signs of friendship...that in itself was new and inviting... precious.

He pulled down his driveway, collected himself.

Wiped his face. 

* * *

 

"Delivery come?" He yelled.

Rey appeared, "yep, it's all set up. Please tell me you can play! It's  beautiful. "

"I can, lessons for years when I was young...along with many other instruments. I endured lessons of many kinds." he laughed, "I can dance quite well."

Rey approached him. "Very interesting  Mr Solo. Dinner is almost done, lasagna! You can show off your mad skills after we eat."

"Sounds perfect." Ben replied.

Rey served him and got her own, poured them each some grape juice,  "business meeting go well? You were gone all day."

Ben cringed, "not really...a transaction I'd prefer not to happen cannot be prevented. I told them I  want no part of the deal, signed paperwork. I hope to not give it another thought. Money is not everything, and there are some truly evil people  in the world. I  have the luxury of choice now...I don't  have to associate with questionable deals or people."

She felt his sadness and anger despite his attempts to camouflage it. "I'm so sorry Ben..." 

She reached over and touched his hand. Gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

Ben felt his heart clench, the touch made every muscle in his body relax.

"Thanks Rey, let's go try out our new piano. I'll play for you as long as you want." Ben gave her a grin.

Rey followed him.

 

 

 


	19. Play a song for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was enthralled by the movement...his long thick fingers dancing across the keys...the music some classical piece of art millions cherished...but all Rey saw or heard was Ben...

She began to float about the room like a ghost...an entity...a petal on the breeze...

Eyes fluttered closed as she seamlessly glided...arms and legs...attatched to some form the music gifted her...

Her heart was beating...her mind racing on some plain Ben couldn't see...but he would be damned to stop playing...

It was a tango of joy and innocent merriment...he could never understand... but lord he wanted to drink it down and feel it...

Her cheeks grew rosey...her laughter filled the room...her delight hugging him as his fingers moved...

"Bring me up into the sky with you darling, 

Take my hand and we'll prance as we swoon,

Don't  leave me to bury my heart in the sand,

Give me your lips and I will give you mine too,

Say a prayer and I'll  hold you sweet boy,

Open your mind and your dreams,

Feel me douse the fires that haunt you,

With my kiss I can silence your screams, ..." Rey sang as she continued  to twirl...

Her words shook him from his stupor, "what are you singing Rey? It goes right along with the notes I'm  playing..."

She sat beside him again, breathing heavy. "It's no one...it's mine...I play at writing some too. You've heard me sing in the kitchen before...it's crap...but I have fun with it...it's nothing."

Ben sat straighter,  ceasing his playing, "It's not nothing...they're interesting words. You... are an enigma you know."

Rey blushed, "you are sweet Ben. You just never know if you will wake up tomorrow...everytime you open your eyes it's a gift.  I  try to live that way. I've lived through some crap...my parent's loss...one of many...I want to feel everything life can give me."

"That's a good motto, if I were braver...I  might try to be more like you." Ben smiled at her.

Rey saw so much in his eyes, "you can...you are brave Ben. What is something  truly terrifying  you want more than anything  to do? Do it!" 

Ben watched her, in her eyes he could possibly drown...on her lips he could die happily..."what I want doesn't  matter... monsters don't get what they want..."

Her confusion was evident,  "you are not a monster Ben..."

"Yes...yes I am..." he said firmly.

Rey stared at him, "I know you have hinted about shady things in your past...hurting people...everyone has made bad choices...bad choices don't  make you a bad person...it makes you a living breathing man...a human being." 

She touched his face, he leaned into her soft palm...

Before he could react she twined her other hand behind his head into his hair pulled him closer kissing him.

Inside he was practically vibrating with fear and the urge to shove her away... scream something horrible to make her want to run...

But she held his trembling form...she licked his lip to gain entry and deepened the kiss.

When she pulled away and got up to leave his eyes were wide. 

"Good night Ben..." Rey softly voiced, leaving him alone. 

He heard the door that went outside close...she'd gone to the poolhouse... maybe...

* * *

 

"Hux, I'm about to get on my flight. I'll see you soon my friend." Ben said.

Hux yawned, " I'll be there to pick you up. We'll get a pint at the pub I told you about..."

"Sounds good. I am definately  in need of a drink...already October...crazy." Ben replied.

Ben had avoided Rey after she kissed him...fear driven and stupid he knew.

It was the thing he wanted so badly but it scared the hell out of him.

He was a chicken shit...Poe told him over and over. 

But it was what it was...he'd avoided her...and she either didn't want to pursue anything or didn't care...

He'd left and eaten away from the house, stayed at Poe's...waiting until late to sneak back in when he did go home. 

Home...it was their home...his but she'd made it hers...invested herself. 

Now it was October...he was staying with Hux...then heading to see his parents in Italy...the book was being released in November... and Poe's daughter Ashley would come around Christmas...

Hux would drag him to pubs he knew...try to get him laid like a good wingman...take his mind off things...maybe it's what he needed...

If he stayed away she might meet someone...someone nice...

He even contemplated texting Phasma...

She would get it...

He boarded his flight. One perk of his dad's  empire was free travel...first class solitude. He drank 3 drinks...strong ones and happily passed out.

 

* * *

 

 

"Kay I don't get it...he just stopped even interacting with me...then left without a word...I know he didn't actually owe me anything  but geeze...not even a 'dont kiss me' or 'goodbye'? " Rey sat on their couch.

Kay shrugged, "he's complicated... but you still have that job...he doesn't  trust easily...he trusted you a lot to give you responsibility of a place he values so much...you know where he is...London with Hux...then to see his folks...he promised to be here when Ashley comes. So he's planning  on spending Christmas  here." 

"At his house or with you guys?" Rey wondered.

"Poe didn't say...but he is well...it probably just scared him...he looks tough but we see how much he likes you...I don't think he thought you'd like him back. He tends to self sabatage...he doesn't  think he deserves happiness..." Kay explained  to the best of her ability.

Rey sighed, "he is dumb...ug. Well, thanks for dinner...let me know if you need anything."

Poe caught Rey as she left, "Ben has a lot to work through...but he thinks highly of you...don't be angry. "

"Poe, I'm not angry, just hurt a little. And confused." Rey said, gave him a hug and headed home. 

Home...his home...but hers too. She never considered her apartment  her home...at any of her foster houses...not even when she bunked with her friends. 

But Ben's house...the property...she thought  of it as home. He hadn't  taken it from her.

* * *

 

"Dude...I...cannot drink ...anything else...my brain is fogbog...I can barely do a step walk thingy..." Ben pleaded.

Hux and Ben had played chess, went to restaurants, museums, parties...and every pub...

It was almost the end of his second week...most of it spent in this haze.

"Oh Ben, spoiled sport...Rachel doesn't  want us to leave...or Cecilia...one more... I am not ready to leave either..." Hux kicked back another shot and proceeded to snog Cecilia in the darkened corner booth.

They'd been playing pool and darts with the girls Hux knew, but inebriation had taken it's toll.

Rachel crept into his lap... "Benjamin Solo...quite the bad boy as I recall... you want a little  treat...I will share if you want..." 

She showed him the powder below the table...at first he was angry... then he remembered Rey...he needed to forget her...he needed to not care...he could do this just once...they were out having fun...he could still have fun...

He whispered in her ear, "not here...I need out of here...your place?"

Rachel lit up, "oh yeah, doll, for sure...Cecilia ! ...we're  headed out...headed back to my flat...you coming or going to Hux's  pad?"

Hux looked a bit concerned but let it go...Ben was a big boy after all...

"See you Rachel ...we will go his place in a bit." Cecilia told her friend.

All the way to her place she was handsy...they made out like starving people...

Once inside she grabbed him and pushed him onto her couch.

She straddled  him.

She unbuttoned  her shirt and sprinkled the little packet onto her right breast. "Go ahead doll, take it...then me...this batch is pretty strong..." she laughed as he snorted it off her, "they call it Starkiller...it blows you away!"

She sprinkled the rest on her hand and snorted it herself.

She cackled as he shook his head dazed...the effect kicking in...it had been a while...

She yanked his shirt kissing and biting his neck...

Grinding in his lap she grinned, he growled..."I am going to ruin you! You fucking crazy whore !"

Rachel didn't even flinch, "that's right asshole...fuck me like you hate me! Show me who you really are!"

He was pissed, so raging and contorted inside...he threw her off only to rip her clothes ...grabbing her neck he unbuckled his pants and pulled himself out...

The condom on the table slid on after he tore it from the packet...he slammed into her...she moaned and yelled yes at him as he felt like he was watching someone else...

He knew the grip he had on her neck would bruise...he couldn't concentrate...his mind floating...

He pulled her legs over his shoulders and pistoned harder... closing his eyes...panting...he wished this was Rey...that he was being tender...soft...that she didn't hate him for running...

The woman was screaming as she came...

He pulled out out her, condom thrown to the side,  and positioned himself at her mouth,  "suck you stupid cunt !" She wrapped her lips around it and enthusiastically worked him until he sprayed down her throat. 

He collapsed, ashamed...sweaty... still strung out and drunk...

"That was intense, but I liked it...a little angry sex can be fun. I haven't cum that hard in a while. You're a different breed than your boy Hux...me and Cecilia  enjoy him but she may want a shot at you if you're willing...or maybe you want us both..." she teased. "Hux was so sure you would not fuck anybody...your high should wear off in a few hours...you're welcome to sleep it off after that fuck....I'm taking a shower."

She left him naked on her couch.

He grabbed his boxers and shirt... found his pants.

He checked his phone...it was almost 4 a.m.

Hux had sent him a text saying he was home with Cecilia, just making sure Ben was alive.

The next text was from hours earlier, a picture of bedding Kay picked out for baby Ashley. 

The last messege was from less than 10 minutes ago...from Rey. She hadn't  sent him anything since even before he left...

It was a picture...it was of the poolhouse...one wall was painted. It was a huge waterfall...a pool at the bottom...a sunset behind it...colors dancing on the water...

At the bottom it said...

("1st  one done")

Ben felt like he was going to be sick. 

He grabbed his jacket  and left before the woman returned. He called a taxi and went to Hux's. 

It was all dark as he entered. But he noticed clothes littering the floor.

He tiptoed to the guestroom. 

He lay there staring at the waterfall... daydreaming of Rey swimming  at the bottom...

He regretted tonight...but he couldn't  take it back...

He hoped Hux could kindly warn Rachel there would be no round 2...or anything else...

* * *

 

"Morning sleeping beauty! Feeling quite hungover and worn out I'm sure...you look like shit!" Hux joked.

He placed asprin and coffee beside Ben.

"I hope I didn't overstep, but I told Rachel not to expect your call..." Hux said flatly. 

Ben grumbled weakly, "no...I  was going to ask you to do it...ug...my head..."

Ben sipped the coffee and took the meds.

Hux laughed, "she was disappointed.... she already has visions of threesomes and foursomes dancing in her head...and Cecilia's...but I saw your face...whatever you did with her...you hate yourself for it now. Don't.  You belong to no one at the moment."

"I know that Hux...but I was drunk...I did drugs with her...was cruel when I fucked her...treated her like a whore...I  don't  want that..." Ben relayed. 

Hux nodded, "yes, I heard. She rather enjoyed earning the bruises you left on her...as far as treating her like whore... well...her and Cecilia are thus...and proud of it. You have nothing to feel shame for. Some enjoy hate and brutality. Gets them off. Just look at our dear friend Phasma ...but if a certain squatter and gentle lovemaking is what your heart craves...Ben go home."

"I can't....I leave Friday to head to Italy. No more pubs or girls while I'm here, ok?" Ben looked defeated.

Hux sipped his own mug, "consider it done...I have breakfast ready, Cecilia left a while ago..."

Ben tugged on a t-shirt and fumbled after Hux to eat.


	20. Shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rey, you haven't heard from him at all...he avoided you like the plague when you took a chance and kissed him. Why would you send him that picture?" Finn read her the riot act. "Don't dwell...you need to go out on a date. You haven't in forever..." Rey knew he was right...but that didn't feel any better.

"I can do this...he didn't respond to the picture...Finn is right." Rey yanked at her collar and adjusted her dress again...added lipstick. 

Kay suggested a small bar in town...the only bar in town. Lando's had a live band and the people were friendly.

Poe had not liked it at all.

Rey sighed. The dress was flowy and light green...her hair loose. She still wore the necklace. 

 

* * *

 

Lando's was hopping. People were laughing, drinking, dancing...it actually  made Rey smile.

She didn't really do bars. Well...not without her friends, and here...Kay was in no condition to come out with her.

She sat at the bar and motioned to the bartender, "can I get a Long Island Ice Tea?"

"I.d.?" He asked.

Rey presented her fake i.d., Jessika knew a guy...

"$8, coming right up." He said. 

Rey gave him her cash and drank her drink.

Listening to the band rock on, she people watched. 

"Hi, my name's Jason, you aren't  from here are you?" A blonde boy introduced himself.

Rey smiled, "Rey...no. I'm from England but I grew up in Florida. I am caretaker of a property here."

"Oh, that's cool, I figured with the accent...but which property?" He asked.

"I work for Ben Solo...his grandparent's property was left to him...he's gone a lot so I get to keep it pretty..." Rey told him, taking another sip.

Jason grinned, "Solo...ah that is the Skywalker Estate...old Anakin and his wife Padme were pretty great people. People think when his wife passed ...he died so soon after her of a broken heart...he loved her to much too live without her."

Rey frowned, "that's  kinda tragic...but romantic..."

"Yeah, hey are you dating Solo or can you make my day and dance with me?" Jason smiled as he asked.

Rey thought he was cute, looked close to her age. "Sure!"

Jason guided her onto the dance floor,  what he lacked in skill he matched in enthusiasm. Rey laughed a lot and had fun. 

He bought her a couple more drinks. They talked more.

Hours later he asked if she wanted a ride home, she had declined but gave him her number.

She got his too. Saying they could hang out again.

Rey looked at her phone...debated, then called Poe. 

 

* * *

 

 

"It's no problem  Rey, really...the house is too far, but we aren't and you don't know anyone else." Poe said as they drove to his house.

Rey sulked, "I know Ben...he's just not here..."

"Rey...I'm sorry...did you at least have fun tonight?" Poe gave her a hopeful glance.

"Actually...yeah. A guy approached me...bought me a couple drinks... we talked and danced. It was fun. It's  kinda been a while...I haven't  really dated much..." Rey explained.

Poe sighed, "name?"

"Jason? He seemed nice. " she replied.

"He's not a bad guy, 22, works at the hardware store for his dad. You liked him? " Poe pulled into his driveway.

"He was fun. We traded numbers. We might hang out sometime...I still kinda wish I'd  hear from Ben. I just want to at least be friends again...it felt like we became friends." Rey fiddled with her phone.

Poe patted her shoulder, "he's coming back. You are his friend... trust me." 

But as they made their way into the house... and Kay set Rey up on their couch, Poe couldn't  help but feel bad.

He watched her fall asleep.  

He would run her to grab her bike in the morning.

Poe gave Kay a kiss on the cheek...she gave him smile and turned to head to bed.

He grinned and patted her bottom. "I'll be in bed in just a sec babe..."

Poe debated...then pulled out his phone. He snapped a picture  of Rey asleep on his couch...sent it to Ben with a messege. Then joined Kay in bed.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben had been dreading arriving in Italy... but once he saw his mother he felt better.

He knew she loved him even though he'd caused most of her gray hair and made her standing in some circles tenuous at times. 

His father bragged about his latest acquisition and offered to take him car hunting. 

Hux had hated to see him go, but he invited him to come visit in the states soon. He would show him the property he'd  improved  in person...perhaps introduce him to Rey. 

Leia showed him the estate they'd  been enjoying...the vineyard. She was proudest of the stables. 

His first few days held quiet. 

Then he got a text from Poe...it was a picture of Rey asleep on Poe's couch. And a messege...

("Ben, you know we love you but man you are an idiot...so the girl you adore kissed you...you avoided her then ran away...without a word to her...she's not even mad at you...just hurt and confused... and missing who she thought was her friend...her friends talked her into going out here. She went to Lando's ...Jason hit on her, they talked and danced...he asked her out. I  brought her to our house. Dude...get your head out of your ass and text her or come back. Or...you may loose her...")

Ben reread it over and over. He remembered Jason... he was close to her age...good kid...

He could not fault her friends, they loved her. Her friends probably told her he was an ass and waste of her energy...they weren't wrong. 

But picturing her out, Jason drooling over her...did bother him.

But he couldn't  be a hypocrite... he'd had sex with Hux's friend...

Poe wasn't  wrong...she deserved truth from him...her having hurt feelings was painful to him. She missed him...his friendship...

He missed her too.  He sent Poe a messege...

("You're not wrong my friend...thanks for the kick in the ass")

He sent her a messege.

("Rey...the first wall is gorgeous... any ideas on the second wall? I'm enjoying time with my parents. I invited Hux to tour the property sometime. Hope you are well. Sorry for leaving the way I did, you are more than just now my employee, I value your friendship... I'll be home sooner than Christmas.")

Ben swallowed. 

* * *

 

 

She didn't respond that night or even the next day...or the next...

But as he sat eating lunch with his mother...his phone pinged.

He couldn't  help but smile. 

(" Ben, I'm glad you survived London... enjoy your family time. We can sit and talk when you get back. I am still here...I am still your friend. Poe helped me drain the pool and cover it for the fall and winter...May I...paint the piano?") Rey sent him.

Ben laughed. Leia watched him smiling.

("You may paint anything you like in our home...you can only ever improve things...") he sent back.

"Ben what has you so amused?...a girl?" His mother prodded grinning.

Ben sighed, "Actually...yes mother... Rey, the caretaker was asking me a question."

Leia gave him a knowing look, "a young woman has been doing all those improvements? Inspiring the fine work you accomplished? Quite the young woman."

"She is...she painted those walls I sent you pictures of. She...was asking to paint the piano I bought." Ben told her.

"Sounds intriguing, I hope to meet her someday." His mother crooned. She smiled and headed in the house, "I'll see you in a bit son, I have a few phone calls to make."

His phone pinged.

("Thankyou, I hope you like it...I'll send you a picture") Rey sent.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey smiled reading his messeges.

Ben was coming home.

He'd apologized, called them friends, said they'd talk.

He called this place  their home. He'd  said 'our' home. 

Her heart warmed.

"Rey, you ready to go?" Jason honked. 

Rey stuffed her phone in her pocket, "yeah, I'm coming. Where are we going?"

"early dinner and a movie...it's a bit of a drive. There's  a drive-in theatre a couple towns over, but it's worth it I promise!" Jason grinned.

Rey thought that he always seemed so perky, "sounds fun."

She couldn't  help but wonder if Ben  had been out with anyone since he'd  left...it wasn't really her business...yet...she wondered.

She also wondered if he'd  care about Jason...about the boy wanting to date her. 

Since the bar, they'd  hung out several times.  He was sweet and upbeat.

Finn thought it was great for her...

Kay and Poe just wanted her to be happy...though Jason had joined her at their house for a dinner and game night.

But ultimately he wasn't Ben.

 


	21. Arms wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ("Can my friends visit me here the week before Thanksgiving?") Rey sent him.

Their messeges consisted of pictures, at random times of random things...

He sent architecture images of places he went, she sent food or leaves...Chewie. 

It varied.

They sent eachother sunrises and sunsets where they were, but no words...until the current  text he stared at.

He replied ...

("You can have any visitors you choose in your home, feel free to use the big house...") smiling, he could see the puppy pile in his living room.

She quickly responded with an ("awesome!")

Ben knew she'd  been spending time with Jason, Poe sent pictures from their Halloween  party....from Kay's  baby shower...

There had been  Rey smiling with him.

So now Jason was going to meet her friends...

Ben sulked. 

But he refused to feel anger, this was his own fault... he would let it play out...he would not interfere... 

If she pursued it, it would be a natural progression...if she changed her mind...

He would be honest about his feelings...tell the truth  in all it's hideous  glory...  even about London...

His past with Snoke...

He didn't know how she felt about drugs...but she'd  always seemed genuine  and patient about mistakes... his fear may be a cage he unnecessarily placed around himself.

He would go home at Thankgiving....

He would go before her friends left...

* * *

 

"You really don't  mind?" Jessika asked unsure.

Rey giggled, "of course not Jess, we really worked out better as friends... he kissed me on our 5th date, we both looked at eachother laughing because there was seriously  no spark...no fire. But you two ! I see sparks flying! "

Jessika nodded, "thanks Rey, Jason ! Wait up !" 

The week had been amazing,... scrabble,  drunk twister, their hodge podge version of Thanksgiving ...

As it turned out, Jason was not prince charming for Rey ...but instantly scorched with her friend Jessika.  

So Jess spent the week snuggling with Jason. 

So when Ben arrived home and found the puppy pile in his living room it was not what he expected. 

He saw Finn and Rose...he recalled  from Rey's  pictures...and Jessika  wrapped up with Jason....

No Rey...

He was perplexed...

He went upstairs  to put his things away...

Rey was asleep in his room. Curled up in one of his shirts...around his pillow...

He was not going to disturb her...but he did place a very light kiss to her temple...

He was happy. 

A foreign  concept to him...until this hurricane of a girl hit him...

He would  assume nothing...he slept in his parent's old room.

He decided he would surprise  them all with breakfast...same as he did her first morning  with him...eggs, waffles, and bacon.

Her friends would be there at least another day or two.

He would observe, find out what he'd missed. Play host. 

He text Poe letting him know he was home. He asked if they wanted to join him at the house for dinner the following  day and meet Rey's  friends... if they hadn't  already. 

 Poe responded that they actually  had, her friends  were cool, but he and Kay would be there.

Ben closed his eyes, he'd  had some good blunt conversations with his mother.

And, despite what the content would be he felt confident  to do the same with Rey.  At the right time...

 


	22. Abs for days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn jumped on the bed, "Rey...Rey... not to alarm you ...but there is a hottie in the kitchen cooking eggs...some delicious smelling waffles ...and sizzling bacon...and Rey...ABS FOR DAYS!" He said in a hushed tone.

Rey rubbed her eyes. And then it clicked."Finn! That...that's the owner I told you about...Ben. Omg...he came home last night! I was in HIS bed...HIS shirt!"

Finn grinned, "I know I'm  with Rose...but I can appreciate grade A meat babe...and that slice is just ...WOW."

Rey cursed inside.

What must Ben have thought?

Where did he sleep?

"So...breakfast huh?...anyone else up yet?" Rey asked sheepishly.

"Nah...the food smell drifted in and woke me...they are still snoozing..." Finn shrugged. 

Rey stared at the doorway, "I  guess let's  go wake them up and I'll introduce him to you guys...he's seen pictures when I was in Florida visiting you."

Finn laughed, "but why did you not show us HIS picture? He is mmmmm yummyiness."

"He is my friend...the property owner...we aren't  anything...I  don't  know what we are actually..." she pouted.

"Let's  go then !" Finn replied, a little too enthusiastic for Rey's taste this nice awkward morning.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben finished the last of the bacon and set the table for every one of his houseguests.

He knew Rey was snoring away when he'd  gotten up...but he heard Finn go up the stairs...presumably to wake her...

When Rey peeked in the kitchen doorway...followed by her sleepy friends he greeted them with a smile and coffee.

"Guys...this is Ben. He owns this place." Rey introduced.

Ben nodded as he added eggs to the table spread of food. "Hello! Finn...Rose...Jessika... good morning...help yourselves....and Jason it's  been a while. Coffee?"

"Hey Solo...yeah, been a minute. Hope it's ok I'm here...Rey invited me to meet them..." Jason looked nervous. He vividly remembered Ben's  temper.

Ben sat with his meal, "no problem at all...this is Rey's  home too."

"Great to meet you Ben. Thanks for letting us crash this week, we've really missed our girl." Said Jessika, taking a seat on Jason's lap. 

Finn grinned and offered his hand, "definately a pleasure man, this place is beautiful."

Ben shook the offered hand."She may have told you already, but this was my grandparent's place. It's  pretty special..."

Rose piped up, "She did, but I gotta say, that bike of your dad's  was what I loved. It's so cool."

"He has many...that was his first... he left it here. His passion now is his planes." Ben told her.

Ben turned to a very quiet Rey who was nibbling her waffles. "It's  good to see you Rey..."

Rey smiled, "you too Ben...you came home sooner than I  thought  you were going to...but it's nice. "

"It is..." Ben stated.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben let them clean up the kitchen when they insisted. Rey had vanished...

He found her back in his room, sitting on his bed.

"Rey?..." He wasn't  used to a quiet Rey. It worried him a little.

When she turned to him,  he felt his heart lurch...tears...she had tears in her eyes. Those endless hazel pools shining...

"Are you ok?" Ben asked...knowing he caused this.

Rey patted the space beside her without a word.

He took the seat.

"I'm sorry Rey...you deserved better than me just leaving..." He volunteered.

She took the hand closest to her, held it tight, "I know...we need to talk...after they go home. I  forgive you...I  didn't  mean to push you into something  unwanted...but for now just let me think please. I  will be downstairs after a shower...tell them for me..."

He didn't prod further...they would talk...just not yet...he would take that offer...she didn't  have to offer anything...she owed him nothing...

"I will, no problem..." Ben grinned as he left the room, "my shirt looks better on you by the way..."

 


	23. Music man play a song for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stared...he had no idea how long at the piano he'd bought...it looked like nature had taken over...encrusted with vines and blossoms...textured with so many various shades of green he would have sworn it was a living breathing thing that had taken root in his house...it was layered with musical notes twined into the vinework...birds of so many kinds and colors peeked out in every direction...insane... hypnotizing... every inch was painted...down the legs...even inside...he ran his fingers over the surface...it felt like leaves...the roughs and smooths... rising falling indentions...Rey did this...gave it new life... like everything else she touched...and HE had brought tears from her eyes...had caused her to quiet the song in her heart...

Rey watched them pull down the driveway after multiple hugs and love you's...

Jessika invited Jason to visit her, they'd  taken WAY too long saying goodbye. 

But then they were gone...

Ben...reality...Rey wasn't  ready to talk to him...seeing him in person again had equally gave her rediculous joy...and ripped  her apart...

She ran from the house and climbed the huge tree with the swing.

It towered...and as lithe...flexible... strong... as she was she got as high as she could possibly  go...she scanned the property  from her perch...

The sound of the piano being played filtered from the house.

He'd wished her friends a safe trip home, and let her say her goodbyes on their own. 

She wondered if he liked her work on his piano...she had told him she'd send him a picture when it was done...then didn't  send one...she had thought of painting waves then changed her mind...

A picture didn't do it justice...

He had socialized politely...small talking...was friendly... gave her privacy with them too before they left...

Ben wasn't a monster...but part her hesitated to want to hear what he seemed determined to tell her...

She felt like it was either something that could make her cry again...or cry for him...she felt things too deeply...

She wrapped her arms around herself...

 

* * *

 

 

Ben played song after song hoping tempt her inside...

He'd  seen her run to the tree...his tree...climb straight up...so fearless...

Always...

Hearing him play would tell her he'd really looked at the piano...what she'd poured in it...

But no...she sat in that damn tree...for hours...

Her friends left at 3 in the afternoon...it was getting dark outside...

He ate and glanced outside...still up there...

He washed his bowl after finishing his chilli and retreated reluctantly upstairs to shower. 

He threw on pajama bottoms and climbed under his comforter... closed his eyes desperate  to just sleep...and not think about Rey in a tree like a squirrel...

He lay there eyes closed, in pitch blackness,  wide awake after an hour...

He heard a noise...he didn't move a muscle...

Someone slid in behind him in his bed...he didn't  move a muscle...

He felt warmth against his back... her cold nose...he heard her sigh...then 20 minutes later steady breathing like she might have gone to sleep...

He didn't  dare move a muscle...or roll over...this was trust...big trust...he would not squander it. 

If he were to hazard a guess...she would be gone before he woke up in the morning...

This was a first for him...a girl in his bed...no sex...no touching really...just her needing him near her...

...reassurance?

...testing the water?

...comfort?

...he didn't care...it made her feel better...

He would hand her the heart from his chest if she needed it...

The sound of her heartbeat...lulled him to drift off...

 

* * *

 

 

In the morning his bed was empty, like she'd never been there...he didn't  plan on saying a word about it.

She'd thought he was asleep...he would not burst that bubble...

The shirt she had used was lying on his chair.

It smelled like her...

'So much for casual indifference'... Hux would say.

Ben smiled...he hadn't stood a chance the moment he found her that first night...

She had unknowingly  marked him...Benjamin Solo...set things in motion...

...he had jumped into the deep waters...

..then retracted out of fear...

...attempted to destroy himself out of self loathing...

...was reborn again...

...regret and forgiveness went hand in hand...

...but could he forgive himself?

...could she?

...he overanalyzed...truth.

...he overindulged many times...

...he was thankful...rarely...

But he was thankful for her...

He stood facing his bathroom mirror. 

The man facing him was not his friend...nor his enemy...but he wasn't sure who Ben was now.

Who was he?

Rey needed to know every facet... the good...the bad...the victim... the monster...to decide what she wanted...he would take nothing from her without that. 

He wanted the same bare truth of her.

 

 

 


	24. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't find her anywhere...but the bike wasn't gone. She had to be around...

Rey had written letters to her parents when she was old enough to understand  why they were gone...that they were not coming back...

In her small bag of belongings the two letters remainded.

She knew her mind was saturated with questions for Ben. But she just couldn't  look him in the eye...all her bravery a stranger.

Staying in the tree so long had been childish...sneaking into his bed...worse than pathetic...

But being near his warm dreaming form made her feel less alone in her confusion...

She was not alone ...

And neither was he...

 

* * *

 

 

She left his letter by the coffee pot while he showered...he would find it eventually...

 

* * *

 

 

Ben saw the evelope...

Dread filled his body...

Letters typically  meant farewells...

But...as he tore it open...he was hopeful...

It started warmly with a 

 _Dear Ben_...

She had laid herself bare...just as he knew they needed to...

There was no pretense... facts...blunt feelings about her life before him...this house...

...what she knew of her parent's deaths...bouncing from foster to foster...being scared... lonely... hungry...

...how miserable  her last home had been...the power she'd felt when a judge granted the emancipation...graduated early...being on her own... homelessness... meeting her little family  of friends ...and Maz...

...then how being here had made her feel...

She felt freedom and pride fixing up the place...adding her touches...

Then...how his presence had made her feel... his priceless actions... generousity...what it did to her when he called it 'their' home.

Jason...and being around Poe...Kay.  

She told him why it hurt her when he left after she'd  kissed him...

Finn had been her first...and it was really just friendship...she didn't  let people get intimately close to her...it was too ...scary....vulnerable...she had gone on dates...but hadn't kissed anyone herself in a long time...Jason had kissed her...but it had felt wrong...

Because it wasn't  Ben...

She asked him to write her back just as openly and leave it on the swing...no filter...no holding back...she wouldn't  judge him...

_Sincerely,_

_Rey_

 

* * *

 

 

Ben reread it many times, then sat at his grandfather's desk in the library to start his reply. 

Hux would scoff at the notion of writing  letters like this...rather than talking on the phone or face to face...but Rey wasn't  typical...in her letter she told him about the letters to her parents...

He started simple...

_Dear Rey..._

It came easier than he ever thought possible...

He started with his childhood...his parents  being gone...their fighting...spending summers or more with his grandad and gran...

His feelings of loneliness and awkward times during school...the skirmishes because of his temper...

Meeting Snoke through his mother...being part of the modelling  agency...the jobs...the sidework...the fall...

He spared her nothing...he was honest about the drugs...the partying...the women...the photographer  he'd almost killed...the crash...his almost overdose...how Snoke had manipulated him...controlled him...the creature he saw himself as...

How his mother had finally fought for him...bought out his contract...

How  he went to college...to find himself... made the few close friends  he had...then travelled to escape...everyone...everything...

himself...

But you can never run fast enough to escape  yourself...

How he'd  met Phasma...who and what she became to him...

He told her how he'd  found Rey that first night...hid from her at Poe's...

How amazing and surprising... refreshing she was...

How the things she'd  shared made him feel...how terrified he'd  been of her vanishing out of his life...

Why he ran...from her after the kiss...

His self hate and fear...

What he did...how truly horrible he'd  sunk in London with that woman...the drugs...his shame...

His time with his mother in Italy.... missing Rey...self reflection...

How he would not have interfered if things had progressed  with Jason...but how relieved he was when it didn't...

That he'd  felt her join him in his bed...

She  was a light in his dark existance...she'd shown him how to realize how blessed he actually was...

He was not blind anymore...but he still was a work in progress... and probably  didn't deserve her kiss...but...wanted it just the same...

He hoped she'd  stay...

Even her friendship was more valuable  than his wealth...

He simply ended it with...

_Benjamin,_

He left it in an envelope  on the swing. Checked on the chicken. Chuckled at the sight of BB hovering near the habitat...the rooster hoping to socialize with the spunky hen... then he went in the house.

15 minutes later he glanced out the window hoping to catch her retrieving  it....it was gone.

He smiled. No going back...she would know all of him...peel back all the rotten layers and the thought actually  felt good.

It was a risk...painful possibly.

But so worth it...

He texted Poe...the reply he got was pride. 

Ben made calls, checked e-mails... and worried a little when that night she wasn't back...the November air was cold...and a storm rumbled in the distance.

He was about to go out hunting for her when the rain began to pour...thunder crashed...lightning crackled...wind picking up...getting rough...

He couldn't  see past the porch...

He brought Chewie inside,  sticking her in the downstairs  bathroom. 

He heard the door slam open in the kitchen...

When he entered...thinking it had been  the wind...he saw her.

Rey shaking, drenched.

"Ben..." Rey mouthed softly.  Then fainted.

He panicked...dialing 911.... grabbing her form , wrapping blankets around her...begging her to wake up...

The ambulance  came. Poe and Kay met him at the hospital in the next town over.

Her phone was ruined by the rain...cheap thing it was...

Jason helped him notify her friends. 

Ben sat at her side. 

He wanted to shake her and kiss her at the same time...

 

 

 


	25. Seconds from madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why in the world was she out like that in November? AND in a damn rainstorm! " Rose fumed. Finn, Jessika, Poe, Kay....they were all pissed and worried. Ben was too...

"It's  complicated..." Ben muttered, still staring at Rey.

Rose stood with her hands on her hips, "well uncomplicate it!"

Before he could say anything nurses made them leave the room...

A doctor came up ..."who is Finn Green?"

Finn moved forward. "I am"

"Mr. Green, Rey has you down as her next of kin in place of parents... etc...boyfriend? " doctor asked.

"No...she's an orphan...I  am her friend.." he explained.

"Well, your friend is suffering from a fever...she was outside in too little clothing for too long...then wet...she has pneumonia. We will be keeping her a few days at least...she should hopefully wake up tonight or tomorrow."the doctor  went on.

Ben cringed.

Watching her laying helpless... sick...he felt at fault...he felt like he was seconds from madness...

The disapproving looks everyone had wasn't  helping...


	26. Blink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She can be...impulsive...well reckless...Rey jumps first then looks to see how far she'll fall...it's a blessing and a curse caring about her." Finn sat with Ben. "Sorry I yelled at you...why ever she was out...you wouldn't have found her unless she wanted to be found." Ben thanked him. But still felts pangs of guilt.

The nurses  did their thing...doctor too...updates periodically.

They told them she had a weak immune system due to malnutrition when she was growing up.

That the weather...her extended time in it.... had gotten  her sick easily.

Her clothing had been entirely inappropriate  for the temperature. 

They were still fighting to bring her fever down...

"She's going to be ok man, she's tough...a little thing like her with so much fire in her won't be down long..." Poe tried to assure him.

Ben was still mortified. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day not much had changed. 

But by late afternoon the following day her lashes began to blink, maybe an hour after ...her fever broke.

"That was a very foolish thing you did Rey..." Rose glowered but hugged her too.

Finn and the others piled into her room...

Rey was glad. 

She recognized how dumb it had been  to be out so long...

Ben hung back...

"Ben?" Rey whispered.

He stiffened, moved closer.

Rey reached her hand out.

He inched closer to her bed and took her outstretched  hand pensively.

"Our cue..." stated Jessika.

Everyone left after more hugs.

Now Rey and Ben were alone...

...holding hands....

 

* * *

 

 

"I read it...your letter...every word." She told him.

Ben breathed deep. 

"I see why you were...hesitant..." she added.

Ben nodded.

"I am still your friend..." She smiled.

Ben began rubbing her knuckles with his  thumb.

She leaned back again releasing her grip on his hand...

He pulled a chair next to her bed to sit.

"Did your grandad really die right after your gran? Jason said people thought it was of a broken  heart..." Rey asked.

Ben measured his situation. "Yes. I believe he did...he couldn't stand a world without her in it."

"Why do you think so?" Rey prodded.

"My grandad lived their whole life adoring her...wanting to do things that would make her feel loved and special...when she died all the warmth that man had in him seeped out...he became more machine than man...they found him clutching her favorite flowers at her grave site...he'd had a heart attack...hence the dying of a broken  heart story..." Ben laid the tale out. 

Rey smiled. "I don't hate you for your past Ben...or for London...you didn't really owe me anything....no one owns you...but hearing about both ...and everything young  you dealt with Snoke's  mentoring...a lot of little things make sense. You are kinder than you realize... you are a perfectly  imperfect man... a beautiful disaster... I  like you...a lot..."

Ben was surprised  but relieved..."I  really like you too Rey."

 

 


	27. Your love is better than ice cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thanks for coming, sorry I worried everybody...but I'm fine I promise. " Rey ended her call to Finn and continued to the diner. She hadn't gotten used to this new fancy smart phone. Ben had insisted...it was necessary and safer for her to have a sturdier phone...waterproof... employers provided such things at many companies. She had tried to argue. But to no avail...after her stint in the hospital.

Kay greeted her as she entered, "Rey! I'm so happy to see you out and about !"

Rey hugged her and sat. Grabbed a menu and searched. "You too...I  think a big fat greesy cheeseburger has my name it!" 

They both chuckled.

Ben had told her Poe knew about the letters, he had left anyone past that knowing up to her.

Poe, to his credit, didn't share what he knew with Kay. But...Rey had. Rey also told Finn...but no one else. 

"I can't  believe  you two went to the courthouse and just took the plunge already...what happened to a spring  wedding after Ashley's born?" Rey asked. 

The waitress came back and they ordered.

Kay shrugged, "well...our baby will be here in no time...we absolutely love eachother ...and life's just too damn short..."

Rey sipped her coke, "true story. Well, congrats. Ben was vague and mysterious about your wedding gift...what did he do?"

"Well...he gave us a trip...for later. Poe gets to use Ben's  boat...we're set to dock in Hawaii for three weeks in May. He said we will need some alone after Ashley settles in..." Kay explained.

Rey cocked her head, "I didn't know he had a boat. Where is it normally?"

"Not here obviously...um...it stays in California mostly. I'm not sure where. But he made arrangements for my mom to watch Ash here. And despite Poe  arguing with him...paid our bills for this month as another baby gift and gave us money to pay them the month of our trip...he told Poe he was like his brother and not to deny the gifts."

"He just throws his money sometimes..." Rey muttered.

Kay shrugged,  "it comes from his need to atone I  think...and says you can't  take it with you when you die anyways. "

"A bit morbid..."Rey stated. When her food came her mouth watered.

"Well...Ben can be a bit serious...I  am glad for him though...that he told you his deal. Poe knows everything  to a point...Hux knows most things...his mom...but nobody has been privy to every detail...he's always been kinda private. You can see why after hearing what he went through...he must trust you alot Rey..." Kay took a bite of her blt.

Rey smiled,  "I see that, he's  hovered a bit since I got out of the hospital... especially after my friends went home. Finn and him found common ground, which makes me glad. God...I can't  believe it's already almost  Christmas! I hope it snows here."

"A bit...it gets pretty cold in the hills chick...you might want to set your chicken up in the barn and catch that crazy rooster too...keep them in there with lot's  of straw. So, does that mean Ben's  confessions didn't scare you off? You really are staying longer?" Kay looked hopeful.

Rey grinned, "I have a job, the place will need me when he leaves again...and he's  my friend...I care about him."

"Rey...he may not leave again...not like before...you two. You kissed him...you can't  change that...you two are beyond friends... you both let eachother in pretty deep...have you faced that yet...what  was said?" Kay was trying to help.

Rey glared at her fries, "I... know. I've been using the poolhouse. He got me this new phone,  we admitted  to liking eachother. But haven't examined the rest yet. It feels good to be home...with him there it feels like home more. I...want to kiss him again...but I would freak out worse if something  made him reject me and run again. He has to kiss me this time if we move past just friends."

"I get it..." Kay comforted. 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben was relieved she was back home. She seemed healthy and happy-ish.

Finn made him promise to take care of her...and take a slow pace as they figured their shit out...

*"You love her...whether you can say the words out loud yet is inconsequential...you do...it's written all over your face. " Finn had told him before her friends left.*

The week before had been rough. But Poe's  impulse to go ahead get married gave him reason to celebrate.

 He took Poe and Kay out to dinner... presented them with their wedding gifts.

Christmas was closing in and he contemplated  what to give Rey...she was not materialistic. 

They hadn't  talked about the words they'd shared in their letters yet...just left it open so far. She'd  offered her hand and friendship... said she liked him...she had not left...

She knew his thoughts mostly. But he had not out right told her he loved her...

Which he was certain of. 

His mother begged him to come spend Christmas  with them...he told her Poe's baby girl was due any time now...he would visit sometime  after...

He also didn't  want to leave Rey...

She was using the poolhouse, but joining him for meals in the big house since she was released from the hospital.  The doctor insisted she take vitamins.

There had been no more late night appearances...but also no more braving the elements  too long.

He thought about getting her a horse... well buying a horse for the property...but it would really  be for her.

As much as she loved riding his dad's  old bike and prized her chicken Chewie... he just instinctfully knew she'd enjoy it.

She had not offered more than friendship...or tried to kiss him again...but he promised himself  he would figure his shit out and kiss her. 

He had survived the book release with minimal requests for comments. Snoke had sent a few emails...called once with an offer. 

He'd  ignored him.

His mother still regretted  how blind they'd  been to his slow drowning state back then...that he'd  been used even by women  she called friends...but he assured  her he was trying  to go forward... finally. that she needed to forgive herself...he had ...

That he was slowly  working on forgiving  himself...

That he loved someone...

That had made her cry happy tears...

Rey was out with Kay for lunch, but Ben was already  making dinner plans...she was going to laugh and smile.

Then...soon he was going to kiss her...

It had to be the right moment...

He had to be sure she loved him too...

 


	28. Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gathered her laundry off the floor...she knew the walk over to the big house would be cold but omg was it fucking cold!

He heard her thudding around downstairs.

"Rey?" He called.

"Yeah! Laundry room !" She hollered back.

He found her sorting.

She looked adorable.  Big fluffy cookie slippers, short shorts, and a long sleeved shirt with unicorns  all over it...and the final nail in his coffin...pig tails.

"Looks like fun." he teased.

Rey glanced at him and smirked, "loads!"

Ben grinned, "hungry?"

"Always..." she patted her belly. 

"I'll  be in the kitchen..." Ben said in a mischievous tone.

Rey watched him go...

He was a manly man built guy but she couldn't  help herself...she found him pretty. 

 

* * *

 

Rey actually  snorted when she laughed at what their 'dinner' was comprised of.  

Ben had 4 different  kinds of ice cream tubs, strawberries, bananas, cherries, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, gummies bears, m & m's, and two huge glass bowls with big spoons.

"My word Solo! You trying to kill us both by putting us in an ice cream coma?" Rey picked.

Ben nodded, "maybe...or maybe I'm  trying to bribe you through your stomach to forgive me..."

Rey smiled, "I already forgave you remember?"

They started building monster sundaes.

She thought it was cute.

He watched her create hers in utter fascination. 

She took massive bites...

They laughed and ate happily.

"Can I stay here tonight? I mean in the big house...the temperature  drop has made the poolhouse  kinda cold. The heat works but not enough." She explained. 

Ben got up and cleaned his bowl... started putting  everything  away. "Of course...and I'll get someone to make the poolhouse  warmer."

He was sticking the last thing in the fridge when small arms circled his middle from behind.

He both froze and got excited  at the same time.

Rey nuzzled his back with her nose. "Can I stay upstairs ...with you?"

She said it so softly...

Ben didn't  turn around...

He closed the fridge.

She remained clung.

"Rey...yes if you want." He finally responded. 

Rey let go and headed out of the kitchen, "well good...you are kind of a walking heater." She joked.

He  turned around and she was out of the room. 

He struggled in his head.

What did this mean for them?

It was a big step...but it could mean nothing.

She had climbed in his bed that one night...but hadn't wanted to be touched... she'd thought him asleep. 

He made his way up to his room.

Rey was in his bed under the covers.

He flipped the light off, but the moonlight gave him a slight view.

He walked over, shed his shirt and jeans,  slipped sleep pants on, and climbed in. 

She faced away from him.

"I meant every word Ben..." she whispered, rolling over to lay face to face.

He sighed, "me too...you really aren't  digusted by what I did in London...by who I  was before?"

"You were a free man in London... though hate sex does not appeal to me... apparently that woman liked it. Besides, as long as drugs are not something  you need now...I  can look at this you...not past you." She told him.

"I was ashamed...of that and about when I was under Snoke...but thankyou... you are a kind person. Rare and real. I'm so sorry I ran...fear is not easy to eradicate... even now I am paranoid..." he sounded shaken.

Rey moved closer, "you were taken advantage  of by that man and his company... young and naive...you've been working through your demons every since...London is just an example... of one of your unhealthy choices...but my Ben has been good to me. It hurt a lot when he ran away from me..."

Ben felt hot... _her Ben..._

He leaned forward...brushed her lips with his lightly.

She hummed.

She didn't deepen the kiss... but she didn't  move away.

"Hold me Ben." She requested.

He wrapped arms around her and held her under the covers close.

He felt her form relax, then knew instinctfully she'd fallen asleep. 

Ben was ecstatic...

Rey was here...with him...not just in his house...their house...she'd forgiven him and allowed a small kiss...and trusted him enough to hold her.

His mind raced until sleep took him. 

Nothing would be the same now...

 

 


	29. Simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simple joys had never been what Ben was about...grand objectives...but Rey was. When all that progressed was her sleeping in his arms after a light kiss... he didn't push. Time around her had been full of new experiences since he'd come home from Europe to discover the sweet little chesnut haired squatter in his house. But in that first moment he could not have predicted her creating a home for herself in his heart. He was all passion and an angerball most of his life...he was big and overpowering... but in her presence he became small...her 'being' was just new. Rey didn't care about money...things...his warmth was treasured. That simplicity and thankful nature softened him... made him want to give her every bit of him...the universe. He had learned so much through pain...but her... he needed her. He finally understood why his grandfather couldn't live properly after his gran passed...Ben now couldn't imagine living in world without Rey in it with him.

"I got sunshine....on a cloudy day, when it's  cold outside...I  got the month of May,...

My girl...talking about my girl...my girl...!" Ben was singing...dancing around the kitchen making biscuits and sausage ...and singing...

He felt alive.

He had woken rested...feeling a new kind of high...pure... unadulterated ...joy. It was terrifying and amazing.  

He'd  just laid there watching her sleep a few moments before carefully  untangling from her limbs and tucking the covers around her.

She looked angelic...but he knew she had fire in her too. He respected that.

Though anyone who knew him would laugh at this sight... Benjamin huge and serious fucking Solo scampering around his kitchen singing into a spatula. 

They could all go to hell in a hand basket...he chuckled.

He was perfectly  content to trade being an angerball ready to explode to being a goofy cheeseball...

He remembered  Rey telling him a while back that holding onto your inner child...seeing life as a child does...with wonder and awe...being thankful for even being able to take that first deep breath in the morning was a gift. 

Ben understood now...this was a gift. She was a gift.

He twirled to the fridge belting out another line and grabbed the oj...setting it on the table ...added plates...forks...

"This was not what I expected to find Solo." A voice he despised curled around his chest and Ben dropped the spatula...his eyes widened...he felt his chest constrict. 

He turned to face the voice. 

The source was wearing a black suit...a stiff and cold expression. 

Ben felt the color...fade from his face. Paled. 

This could not be happening...

Snoke mused, entering the room from his back door, he took a seat at the table Ben had been preparing to surprise  Rey with...

"You never struck me as...so childish Kylo Ren...but I should not be surprised... you became quite weak and pathetic  in the end." Snoke poked. "I'm  here with a proposal.  You declined profiting from the Anthology's release...from taking part in the promotion. Your photos...pushed the envelope...the public wants my more popular themes revisited to promote the show coming up. I  expanded  into fashion years ago...many of my past models take part on the runway...you did before. You are requested more often than any other...even after all these years...your disappearing  act created want. My backers...miss you. I  can make it worth your while."

The knife in his gut turned with every word,  this beast was in his santuary and he could do nothing.

He felt like the boy who had willingly trusted this man again...but yet.  "No...I...am...not him anymore. Leave."

"Ah yes,...you've grown a spine after all. Your mother bought out your contract then...true...but I only released my property because  you were so...disappointing. You've been rejuvenated...I  will give you the pictures and negatives I have in my possession from your side work for me. If you do as I say. One show to feed the hoard...and you can burn the proof that you became quite the in demand little whore. Quick to mount any bitch I sent you to... begging for my praise on your knees...just for another taste of the powder you craved..." the monster crooned...

Ben felt dead inside, pictures.... there were pictures...,"I  didn't  know there was...proof of my time with ...them." his voice shakey.

Snoke cackled, "ah...yes boy...video as well...but I will grant you both. You will do exactly as I say, and for free. You will do the interview I set up promoting the Anthology and the fashion show. I will take pity on you and give you both. You can resume your...life. I  own you boy...I  was and am your master...you will obey. Take the next flight to New York tomorrow. Your hotel and appointments are in place. You will tell no one of our ...arrangement. Or the pictures  and videos go public.  Your mother will see what you were in high definition. Report to my office after you settle in." He rose and walked toward the door. "Until then boy...Kylo Ren was my creation...he is mine. Ben Solo is no one...I will see you in New York. The show is Saturday, your interview  Friday." 

On the table was his plane ticket and hotel information.  

Even after Snoke's  limo was gone.  Ben trembled.

He couldn't  let his mother...Rey... anyone ...see Kylo in action...

He  swallowed, picked up the spatula. Set it in the sink. 

Shaking off his fear. Trying to refind his composure.

He went up to wake Rey.

She looked so peaceful. 

He moved hair out of her face.

Rey gazed up. "Morning...I smell food..." she mumbled.

Ben smiled, "yep... everything is all ready downstairs...unless you want breakfast  in bed..."

"No no...I  will get up." She  laughed.

She inhaled hers as always, he still felt off balance from his visitor.  It had been years since he'd  faced that man. It had been as if he was 18 again and cowering at his feet ...in his head... seeing him.

"You ok?" Rey asked.

"Yes...I have to go to New York tomorrow. Um...business dealings to tie up...fix some loose ends. I  should be back by Monday." He hoped she wouldn't  want details.

Rey smiled, "ok, ...so...what are we now? Friends who kinda like to be affectionate  or...?"

Ben wavered, "I  wasn't  going to push for a label...but I  would love to call you mine...if you want to be. My girlfriend. We can go as slow as you need to do...I  am in no rush... this type of relationship  period is a first for me..."

"Sounds...just right. I don't  really count high school  Finn dating as a real relationship. And dating in general since then hasn't  been too much for me...so this is new to me too...a little scary but in a good way...slow pace is good." Rey rambled.

Ben grinned, feeling better.

"Girlfriend  sounds ok, "she added. "Want to have a movie marathon today and tonight since you have to leave tomorrow?"

"What movies you thinking?" He asked.

Rey looked thoughtful,  "Star Wars... you mentioned I needed to watch all of them. I'll  watch them with  you. We can make popcorn and get pizza later. How many are there?"

"3 pre's, 3 old's, an in between,  and 2 new ones. The newest one comes out next year." He answered.

"Ok, get set up then..." Rey cleaned up the kitchen, while he hunted down his movies on his firestick.

Yes, a normal cuddly day and night with Rey was just what he needed before facing the vultures and wolves in New York.

It was perfect...she let him hold her hand as she leaned against  him or laid her head on his lap as the movies progressed. They took snack and bathroom breaks. A few kisses here and there. 

He hated the idea of leaving her.

But Kylo Ren needed to die. To be forgotten.

His resurrection would be agony. But he would suffer through it to finally have peace.

He kissed Rey's  hair and drank her in. 

He could do this.

 


	30. Ghosts of the lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben felt lost as he boarded his flight. Their night had ended with them falling asleep in the living room before the last movie ended. The marathon had been all day and most of the night. She'd asked a thousand questions during each film...and if anyone else had done that he would have bitten their head off... her he just answered. Popcorn, pizza, cookies, and marshmallows chomped as they went. Saying goodbye had been hard. A sweet hug and kiss had sent him on his way. Poe drove him to the airport so they had a good couple hour drive to talk. He filled him in.

His flight was long and boring.

His dread growing with every passing second.

His mother knew about the book, he had been  ignoring his past and now it was biting him in the ass.

But...Ben was not Kylo anymore. He was sure of that. 

He was stronger...not the timid easily mentally molested boy...

He could get through this...set fire to the past...kill it...

That world didn't  have power over him anymore...it couldn't  poison him...

Rey would welcome him home on Monday  and this new wonderful chapter of his life could continue...

* * *

 

The hotel was over the top...typical of Snoke.

The meeting in his office all  business.

The obligation was the fashion show,  he recognized  other past models he'd  worked with as they were prepared.

He also saw fresh meat...young men and women  who reminded him of himself...

He saw the tell tell signs of drug use...observed them being whispered to and touched by backers of Snoke....

He felt sick...

A familiar scent invaded his nostrils...

"Well well Kylo...I  actually  thought you were dead..." she purred in his ear, hand on his shoulder.   Her dress looked liked it cost more than his house...and his boat put together...his fist clenched.

"He is..." Ben removed her hand. "I'm  just here for the book...the show...nothing else."

She pouted, "disappointing...I  did so enjoy your pitches for Snoke back in the day...so enthusiastic... such dark wanton stamina...he allowed me to view our time together...for a price...after you vanished... but wouldn't  let me purchase  them. Oh well...I  suppose I need to check on my latest playmate...they go on a few before you do...if you change your mind...come find me...name your price and I'll  gladly accept. No one can quite satisfy  the itch the way you did..." she left him and he unclenched...taking a deep breath.

No one else was brazen enough to approach him like Bazine ...but she had no tact...she saw everyone around her the way Snoke did...useful or unuseful...they didn't see people as people...just cattle...

His smokey eyes and lips lined stared back at him...the music pounded...

The show went well...

He used to love the attention  at shoots...

After washing Kylo away from his skin he headed to the after party...he was meeting Snoke in his home office this time. 

That was more discerning... frightening...

He vividly  remembered snorting coke off his master's  desk and thrusting away into women over it while Snoke watched...they'd hand him a check and leave...Snoke thanked them for their  support...

Bazine had been one...her tastes more...deprived...Snoke had relished Ben's  degradation...

The more pills...powder... the more Kylo  was in charge  and he became less human...less empathetic...he didn't  want to feel...

"Ah Kylo,  come on in my boy, time for a show. " Snoke crowed. "Have a seat...I  will keep my word but first you will watch your past. You owe me my satisfaction..."

Ben took it all, every single film... silently horrified...a lot he didn't  remember...because he'd  been so high...it was like watching a stranger...that man was not Rey's  Ben...

Snoke handed him the pictures,  the negatives, and flash drive. "You can't  forget him now boy...he is burned into that memory of yours...a cruel twist of fate yes, but it pleased me to see your features twist as you watched how much you loved it then...doing my bidding...a slave to my orders...enjoy your freedom Benjamin...it lives in a shallow grave..." Snoke dismissed  him.

 

* * *

 

 

On the side of a dark back road Ben burned it all...cried for his innocence...

He was reborn...he had to be...


	31. Alone in shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He returned to his hotel with no intention of staying even the night, but his flight wasn't until morning. He felt...free...but dirty. In the past he would have drank these thoughts into oblivion...buried himself between some random set of legs and tried to ignore the ache. Instead he shed his clothes...leaving them in a pile by the door...wandered to the bathroom. Turning the water to practically scalding, he stood under the spray...let the tears fall...

His phone pinged, it was very early,  he had a while before his flight, but he smiled at what he received. 

Rey sent him a picture  of waffles. She was having breakfast.  

("One for me...one for you! lol") it said.

On his waffle was strawberries  in the shape of a smiley face. 

Ben felt better. 

She had no idea how wonderful  she really was....how much he truly loved her...

She came into his life by accident. A whirlwind  of nothing he ever experienced  or expected... a smack in the face that woke his sorry ass up.

He was walking through each day dead inside...

Rey...

He sent a text back. ("Mmmmmm delicious...just what I needed.") 

He sent a text to Kay to get Rey out of the house the rest of the day if possible...to take Rey to get her toes done or anything...

He made a call. Then packed to head to the airport. 

 

* * *

 

 

Rey returned  home after a girl's  day with Kay.

She'd  enjoyed it.

Lunch....toes...movie...but she was excited  to get home...Ben would be home some time tonight.

She missed him.

She waved at Kay  as she drove away...walking in the front door she stopped in her tracks...gasping...

 

* * *

 

 

Rey was dumbfounded...

The entire living room was full of daisies...she moved throughout  the house... every single room was full of daisies...vases upon vases...

In the kitchen on the table was a note...

_I thought with winter upon us you might be missing the flowers..._

_Benjamin,_

Rey stared at his words...there was thousands of flowers...her favorite  flower...all over the house....

...how did he even do this?

...where did they come from?

Ben...

Rey cried...she wished he was already there so she could wrap her arms around him and kiss him.

She sent pictures to Finn and Kay...

No one did things like this...and he just kept doing them...

She would  have adored one daisy...it would have meant just as much to her.

She picked up one and stuck it in her hair...

He would be home soon...she couldn't  wait.

 


	32. Daisy if you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey was anxious. She couldn't wait to see Ben after what he'd done. The flowers were such an outlandish gesture...

"Ben..." Rey greeted him at the back door. "They are beautiful."

Ben felt a tad of his dread melt away, "I'm glad they served their purpose...I just wanted to show you what you have given me...a bit of wonder in a bleak world."

She marvelled, "you know I would have found amazement  in a single daisy..."

Ben smiled gently, cupping her cheek, "I  know...that's why I  wanted to give you so many...you don't expect anything...it makes me want...need to give you everything... you value the little  things. Most people have lost the ability. "

Rey was astonished  yet not, "you do too...I've seen it."

"I've learned the hard way...money can't purchase happiness...it attracts the empty promise of joy...but you are real." Ben leaned close.

Breathed her in.

He felt home. His misery in New York seemed far away...she was his home.

She closed the distance for him,  their lips brushed soft ... tenderness he only gave to her.

He once thought himself incapable...so full of rage and too damaged...

"Have you ever truly celebrated Christmas Rey? My family does, I  haven't  in a while, but since I'm  here I  thought I might." He asked. 

They had moved to the living room.

"Actually not really, we did put up a small tree at Rose and Finn's. Most of my foster homes didn't  do much at holidays. That last one that was so horrible  definately  didn't. I would enjoy attempting a real holiday celebration with you Ben...it would be a new adventure." Rey said laying comfortably across his lap.

"Well... we will then, my mother was disappointed I wasn't joining them this year in Italy...but she did not mind so much when I told her I was spending it with the girl I .... I love..." Ben told her, still toying with her hair.

Rey sat up wide eyed, "you ...love... me?"

Ben took her hand, "yes...you made my heart beat again...but I  don't ever want to lie to you.  I  told you in my letter my past...what I remember...who I  was...but in New York, the business I had to tie up... was with Snoke. He came here. Made demands...I  had to go. There, I  was vividly  reminded why I left that life...why I barely survived  it..."

"I love you too Ben...whatever happened  you can talk to me..." she squeezed the hand she held.

"He released an Anthology book of us...his models...themed shots he had done...and apparently  has been very involved in fashion the last so many years...so he was hosting a fashion show featuring popular models from the past he'd launched. I was requested...after my disappearance some even thought me dead. He had leverage, so I had to go. I did the promotional interview for the book since I'm  in it...I  declined to be involved with the book beyond that...I  walked the runway in the fashion show. " he took a deep breath.

Rey tensed, "there's  more...I  see it in your eyes...go ahead."

Ben sighed, "I was faced with the past at every turn. Snoke is still a cruel master... using people for his profit...drugs and pimping out his models...I  was approached  by a woman I  had been with when I was younger. She asked about having me again...I dismissed her. It shook me though. Back then she gave him a check for my services...like so many others...he watched us perform ...I  was fucked up on coke and other drugs. She had me several times...I hate myself for it... There's time I don't  remember...the drugs made me easier to control...I lost myself ...my pride...I  did whatever ... whoever he demanded...I  was drowning...dying inside... the agreement for me to come to New York was that if I accepted that he would give me the evidence  of my shame. I never knew it existed, I  was oblivious. He had pictures... video footage of me fucking those women...degrading myself...he made me watch them...before he would give me everything  and allow me to leave. I  ...watched and it was like seeing a stranger...I  was so high then... most of the depravity I'd  forgotten...he told me my freedom lives in a shallow grave...that now I've faced Kylo Ren...his creation...that I can't act like I'm not him. He gave me the pictures, negatives, and flash  drive...I  burned them. I  wanted to kill him...kill my past... I couldn't get back here to you fast enough... I won't blame you if you are disgusted... if you leave...I'm trash...he ruined me..."

Rey was quiet, but when Ben thought she would leave him...she simply took his other hand.

"Ben, Kylo is part of you...what he did...you did...what that beast used you for was wrong...but you survived. You were the monster as you called yourself...angry...in pain...trying to forget and numb yourself... you couldn't  run from your past...you learned that in New York. I don't see you as disgusting Ben...I love you. Your mother and father  love you...Poe... Kay...Hux... we won't  abandon  you...I  am not leaving..." Rey reached up petting his face.

Ben closed his eyes...soothed...

He pulled her to him, "thankyou...I  am still trying to figure out who I am now...to forgive myself...I  don't see what  I expected...I don't see pity or judgement...I  see acceptance... kindness. Can I ...can we go to bed? ...I just want to hold you...I'm exhausted..."

"Definately...tomorrow you start your new life...let Kylo rest in peace... let Ben be happy. Come on !" Rey led him upstairs.

In his bedroom Rey pulled his covers back, then turned to him... slowly removed his clothes and then let him take hers...

She laid down, pulled him to her naked form.

He laid his head against  her breast... she twined her fingers through his hair...

He fell asleep  to the rhythm  of her heart...

He was content in this simple sensual embrace...tonight they would not make love...but they had found eachother's  bodies as a comfort...they wanted to feel every inch...the warmth...

Ben felt safe...

Rey felt safe...

 

 

 


	33. Hold me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lust is a funny creature...humanity has lost itself many times to it's control...wars fought over it...Ben had no idea how just holding Rey could sate his.

After that first night,  Rey didn't  sleep in the poolhouse anymore... it was never discussed  per say ...but they held eachother  every night.

No barriers...

But it was chaste. 

He rested against her chest or her his, hands never wandered...

The one holding would pet the other's  hair or back as they drifted  off...

Gentle kisses littered any time in proximity. 

They prepared  for Christmas. 

Ben bought a large real tree and set it up in the living room.

Rey made him help her bake various cookies and decorate them.

They bought and made ornaments for their tree.

It was simple. It was perfect.

Rey could not decide what Ben's  gift would be...he could buy himself  anything...

Ben did not suffer the same ...he knew exactly  what her gift would be...

 

* * *

 

 

Rey prayed for snow. 

She  saw little of it in Florida. 

Christmas  eve she talked Ben into a holiday  movie marathon... and as usual  they fell asleep naked and warm under his covers...

 

* * *

 

 

She woke to his hand caressing  her cheek. 

"Merry Christmas  sweetheart. " he whispered,  kissed her temple, "here, I got us big fluffy robes." 

He presented her with one, it was heavenly  soft.

He put on his own.

They retrieved coffee  in the kitchen.

Rey slipped onto the back porch.

"Ben ! Snow!" Rey was beyond excited.

Then she noticed movement  darting across the field.

"What is...?" She squinted.

"Omg! Ben! There's  a horse out here!" She yelled.

Ben grinned beside  her, "I know...he's yours. Merry Christmas!"

"Ben..." Rey was floored.

"His name is Falcon, my father knows a guy...I thought you would love him....since you enjoy the motorcycle  so much..." Ben was proud.

Rey teared up, "I do ! You shouldn't  have...but omg...he's beautiful! Thankyou!" 

She wrapped  her arms around his neck.

He felt content.

"We'll  have some breakfast, bundle up,  and I'll  introduce  you... I  got me one too. We can go ride together..." he offered.

Rey kissed him,  "I  would love that!"

Now she was a bit nervous  to give him her gift...

 

 


	34. You say goodbye,  I say hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe was anxious. No Ashley yet. Kay was terribly uncomfortable...

"Are you ok sweetie?" Poe was trying, "need ice?"

Kay smiled, brow sweaty, "I'm  ok Poe..."

"I'm sorry...just nervous...worried..." Poe was fidgety. 

Kay knew, "she's  fine, she will come when she's  ready...trust the doctor. "

Poe kissed her forehead  and held her hand. 

"Goodbye quiet house...hello princess I will spoil!" Poe cooed. "Come out safely... meet daddy and mommy!"

Kay laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey and Ben  hurried to the hospital. They were excited.  

Kay went in the day after  Christmas...Poe let them know  when she was close.

They bought her flowers and a pink elephant.  

Ben was going to be a godparent. He was feeling so blessed.

Having Rey with him felt amazing.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben kissed little  Ashley. He held her like a pro. 

When Rey took her turn, he couldn't help himself...he pictured her holding their child.

 


	35. Inspire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben felt that warm fuzzy feeling he never thought he would...seeing Rey holding baby Ashley.

She looked like a mother.

She was cooing and smiling at the little  girl. The whole time they visited he was awed.

He never thought he'd  feel peace.

He never predicted  meeting someone  he could love.

He never dreamed someone would love him.

But Rey did.

So now as they rode home, he dreamed of new possibilities...

He saw the glimmer  that could be a future...

A wife...

A family...

Rey was a bit damaged  in her own way...trust was not easy for her...

He felt privileged  she gave him something  so difficult for her to give.

He wanted to try...

He wanted to be a man worth the effort...

She held his hand in the truck.

It secured  him in a way that was astonishing and defining...

She knew Ben Solo...his skeletons...his demons...

She had not ran away screaming...

She made him need tenderness...

Want every romcom promise...

He envied Poe and Kay...

He would have that.

Rey deserved no less.

He has wowed her with thoughtful gifts...gestures he could buy...but his vulnerability...his heart he was trying  to lay bare...his mind and body...his soul.

She had heard his deeds and kissed him...held him with her warmth.

Ben wondered how it would feel when they truly  explored eachother...connected physically  beyond chaste nuzzling...

But...he would not push her.

Rey was worth the time.

New Year's Eve could be fun. 

He could plan a trip for her. 

He tossed many destinations  out of his thought process almost  immediately...

Her family ! She lost them...

He could give them to her in a way...

Ben grinned. 

He could  do that. He had resources...

She would  know her history...if she had any blood still in England...he would find them for her...

He decided he would call Mitaka when they got home to start the search for information. 

He also decided  where they would go for New Year's...

"Rey, how do you feel about meeting my mother?" Ben asked with a smirk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	36. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey had looked at Poe and Kay's sweet daughter...felt overwhelmed. She wished she had been raised by her parents...they had been stolen from her. But this miracle they took turns holding was so beautiful. The look Ben had in his eyes when he observed her with Ashley in her arms...made her a bit nervous.

Rey had licked her wounds...let him explain...his letter had touched her somewhere  deep inside...

Since his return it had been  interesting to say the least...

He consistently surprised  her with his generous nature...

Though this gentle Ben was  not his pattern...she knew he had not always been  this man.

She enjoyed hearing him interact with Poe. Watching him with the baby...was educational...

He loved her...she loved him...

She wondered what that meant...

 

Until him...this place ...Rey would  have defined love by Finn...Rose... Maz...

By memories  of star creatures... the roar of motorcycles...paint...the smell of trees....flowers...

By cookies...pasta...cuddles... bedtime stories...

There was no denying the want either...

He was wonderful  to look at...

His skin was warm and inviting...

His lips made her starve to kiss him...

Their moments together as they got to know  eachother since the summer...a delicate balance...

Their moments  more recently less innocent yet...still almost religious.

He felt like home.

He felt like family.

He made her feel less desire to be alone...even though most of her life she'd  kept people at arm's  length.

Now...his mother...his father... because he had those ...were part of her future...

Rey was nervous...

He was so strong to survive  what he'd  lived through...and be how he was with her...

Would they see her like he does?

Or as someone using him?

Rey only really  wanted him...

Yet his spoiling had come with perks...life experiences she may never have had...

The flight had been ok.

He kept assuring her they already adored her for simply making their sulky antisocial  child want more out of his own chosen path...she made him happy.

He  made her want more too...she was just scared...new territory at every stage now...and still sex wasn't  on the table yet...

They held eachother  nightly but neither pushed ahead...they laid naked...but didn't  grasp...or grind...nothing obscene...

But...Rey saw the want in Ben's  eyes....she felt it in her own body...in her own bones...

It would come...they would let go and fall...deep down the rabbit  hole of lust and desire...his touch was soft...her mind created many a fantasy...about his mouth...his fingers...other parts....the thoughts made her blush...

Ben wasn't  paying attention  at the moment...and neither had brought up this little standstill of progress...yet Rey really wanted to ask him...

What he wanted...what he sees coming...what he needed...

Rey needed Ben. She was convinced  he was created simply to endure until fate brought her to him and vice versa...

She thinks that just maybe...her parents were smiling for them... would like him. 

Rey hope Leia and Han would like her. 

As they grabbed their bags and he ushered Rey to their taxi, she took in the fact she was now in Italy... after a first class flight... headed to an old vineyard to spend New Year's Eve with his parents.

Rey swallowed. Straightened  her back. They would love her... because she loved him. It was that fucking simple.

"I am so glad you talked me into this Ben..." Rey stated as they rode closer and closer to the estate.

Ben kissed the hand he held." Mom is excited...you are the first girl worth bringing to meet them. The first person I have ever truly loved...you matter...I'm proud to introduce you. I am even proud of myself  for once too."

Rey beamed.

"We're here...ready?" He gave her a reassuring  smile.

Rey smiled back, "I  think so..." 

She giggled.

 


	37. Hugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey thought Ben's parents were the sweetest. Both gave her a big hug and they came in and welcomed her as family.

"Ben she's adorable!" Leia poked her son in the side as they set the dinner table in the main dining hall.

Ben grinned, "she's amazing mom... I  got lucky."

"You really did! When do you plan to meet to her family?" Leia asked.

Ben groaned, "um... I  can't...don't ask her about them please. She will bring it up on her own time...she's  an orphan. She has friends she thinks of as her family....they're great...but her parents  were killed  when she 2 or 3."

"That's  so tragic Ben...well I can make up for that a bit...she has us now and you. By the way, I  know about New York...are you ok? Does Rey know all of it?" His mother tensed.

Ben reassured  her, "I held back nothing...she knows every ugly  thing. New York  was.... emotionally and mentally  draining...but that chapter finally  feels closed. Dead and buried. Snoke had pictures  and videos of me with....women like your old friend  Bazine...I  had to do him a favor to get them from him. I  didn't want Rey...you...anyone to see those things...he says he gave me all of it....I  burned it all."

"Bazine...I  could have scratched her eyes out when you finally  confessed what he'd  been having you do....and the drugs...Ben you almost died several  times...you almost killed  that photographer ! I  can't believe  we didn't see it sooner...and that woman...my friend...we trusted Ivan...I  trusted her! My supposed  friends and colleagues  treated my son like meat !" Leia teared up.

Ben rubbed her back, "mom, I survived...and now I'm  building  a life I didn't  think I'd have. I  really just want to move forward...I  need a favor too..."

Leia perked up, "favor?"

"I know I've only known her since the summer ...but I need her ...I  was wondering  if I can have gran's ring? To give Rey?" Ben asked his mother timidly. 

"Oh honey! Of course! Your gran would love it ! When are you asking?" Leia was hopeful. 

"When it feels exactly  right...I  promise  I'll  let you guys know. But I  wanted her to meet you and dad. I  want her to see how important  she is...no one was ever worth this effort before. She's  just different... special." Ben hugged his mother. 

Leia smiled, "I  am so happy  for you. She has brought new life to that house and you. Well, dinner is ready...shall we rescue her from your father?"

Ben laughed,  "he was showing her his motorcycles and cars...she's actually  in hog heaven out there with dad."

"Unique young lady for sure... anyways... you can go fetch them. I'm  going to wash up." She said.

When Ben  found Rey and his father  she was in one of his old sports cars... grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

"Your dad is awesome!" Rey greeted Ben with. 

Han smiled,  "you are quite the treat Rey. Ben, she knows a lot about cars and engines in general. And such a beauty ! Definately  a keeper... " Ben nodded, "yes sir...new surprises every day... keeps me on my toes."

"Dinner ready?" Han asked

Ben grinned, "yep, mom sent me to find you two."

"Good... I'm  starving !" Rey patted her belly.  

 


	38. Lines in your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey observed Ben while they ate with his parents, attended the theatre, and simply puttered around their massive home. The stables and garage had been her favorite hiding places. His father's car and motorcycle collection ridiculous...his mother's horses so elegant to watch running. Rey felt welcome, cared about...so this was family.

Rey watched the mare and  colt running, they were playing...it made her  heart soar. A momma and her baby.

A smile decorated her face.

"You can come back anytime you know, with Ben or without him...you are welcome." Leia offered.

Rey jumped.

"Oh...you startled  me Leia, sorry. Thankyou. This place is amazing. Ben didn't  tell me much about here, but did tell me a little about you guys...his growing up. He is really a good man despite  the foulness that tried to destroy him..." Rey stared out at the fields.

Leia considered  her words, " yes... we have made some bad choices over the years...Ben suffered through his...it hurt me to see his pain. I feel guilt for not protecting him sooner from Snoke."

"You did in the end and he knows you both love him...he is lucky to have you." Rey told her.

"You are quite forgiving and sweet for a girl who's  suffered as well. You have a strength in you...he needed someone like you. The story of finding you in the house is amusing...I  knew there was more to it." Leia laughed, " but my son wasn't aware how you affected him immediately. The things he did for the house...you...those efforts showed what his self loathing wouldn't  allow him to say out loud...he loved you...he never stood a chance..."

Rey blushed, "I  ... love him. He was something different...it scared me and wrapped me in comfort too. He made me wonder... then broke my heart... then inspired me. He is special.  I  just hope our pace isn't  going too slow for him..."

Leia nodded, " you are young...he will go at a crawling pace for you... he has never felt this connection  before...he will be patient...though he can be stubborn...and does have a temper."

Rey chuckled, "yep. But so do I."

Rey hugged his mother. "Thankyou, I am glad I got to come here. I miss my parents...it's nice to feel this."

"Rey, honey, you are home with us...him..we are your family.  Anything  you need. Ok?" Leia hugged her again.

Rey could not stop the happy tears,  but smiled. 

They returned to the house. 

 

* * *

 

 Ben saw them talking, but didn't  interfere.  

The ring in his pocket burning a hole.

He loved her...this crazy girl...

Who danced and sang when she cooked or painted.  

Who decorated everything...

Who loved nature and animals...

Who's  heart was so big...who loved her friends with devotion...

Who climbed trees, rode bikes, and hated clothes...

Who was tender and sensual...

So beautiful...

He  grinned.

 

 

 


	39. Screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her shriek echoed...the sound bouncing down the dark halls...Leia practically fell out of bed trying to run to Ben's room...Han trailing behind...

At the door Leia could see Rey...tears streaming...screaming at  the top of her lungs.

 Arms and legs flailing...

But her eyes were closed...

She was tearing at her skin...

Ben was trying  desperately to pin her to prevent more injury...

"Rey ! Rey ! Wake up ! Please stop ! Wake up !" He was yelling now.

Leia covered her mouth, tears of her own threatening to come...

Han moved forward to help Ben...

Her breathing started to slow...

Her limbs stilled...

"The blood...it's everywhere.  I ... can still ... taste it... it won't come off ... I  felt them die ...momma ... is screaming  for me...momma..." Rey's words jumbled and sounded thick...

Her body stilled even more under Ben and Han's hands, her eyes fluttering. Still wet. Her face flush.

"Rey?" Ben tried coaxing her to see him...hear him..."I'm  here...it's ok...there's nothing happening...it was a nightmare..." he stroked her hair  and kissed her forehead. 

"Ben?..." Rey replied weakly.

Leia moved closer, "is she ok Ben?"

"I think so mom...can you get her a cold cloth ...she's burning up..." Ben kept close to her.

Rey's eyes widened. Blinked...once twice... "I'm ... ok... they're gone... you're... here... it wasn't  real?"

Ben smiled, "yes..." his mother returned  with the cold cloth. So he washed her face and folded it on her head. 

"Were you dreaming about your parents? You were talking about your mom." He asked reluctantly.

She winced, "I ... yes, I  remember the day they died sometimes... those people... killed our parents in front of us...then took us. Ben... it was horrible...I  try not to think of it...but your family...being here made me think of mine...you are blessed... I  miss them..."

Kissing her knuckles,  he felt his heart lurch. "I'm  so sorry Rey...you were so young when  it happened..."

"Yeah, ...when they shot her...the blood covered me...then they shot my father...I got sick and dropped to my knees..." Rey spoke so softly... "they didn't  bother washing us...we were transported to the U.S. that way...when we arrived we smelled...our bellies ached...I was so thirsty...the container was found in a raid ...human trafficking...I  was going to be sold..."

Ben couldn't  take it...he pulled her to him.

He held her like she would vanish if he let go.

Leia sat on the edge of the bed, "Ben, ...I had no idea... Rey, honey we are here." 

Han stepped back.

"Dad, thanks...that was... intense. Can you grab her a glass of water?" Ben had not released her.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben felt helpless. 

 

 


	40. Mother may I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben sat quietly in the car with his mother. They sat without a word in the parking lot for an hour.

"Ben...she's like you...traumatized. no child should have to experience... that. 2 or 3 years old?" Leia spoke in disbelief. 

Ben frowned, "yes...I  was almost a man when Snoke did what he did...she was small...helpless. It hurts me to think of it. And what could have happened  to her had the raid not occurred...the buyers... were buying children mom...for sex. I'm  glad those monsters were stopped. She... I  can't  even think about what they'd  have done to her...what I went through was disgusting  enough...but she's still her. I see her as precious. How do I help this?"

Leia sighed, "son, there is no right course here. She has helped you... just by being present. Just give her the same. Patience, kindness, love... make sure she never feels alone or abandoned."

"I hurt her when I left...when she kissed me I got scared and ran... you didn't  see the affect that had on her...I  will never do that again." Ben assured himself and his mother.

"You learned...she forgave. Her demons are different  than yours... though to look at her you wouldn't think...she radiates sunshine and joy...her artwork...so much skill... emotion. " Leia stated.

Ben ran his hand through his hair, "she isn't  bitter...she has tried to live her life well..."

"Well...just love her Ben...she needs that. I  look forward to calling her my daughter officially.  She's  a gem. She deserves happiness. Don't ever hurt her son...no more running..." Leia patted his cheek. "We will give her what her parents can't...the life taken from them. We will never abandon  her."

"Thankyou..." Ben says. 

Leia grins, "For what?"

Ben smiles wide, "for being my mom...loving me. I am sorry if I took it for granted..."

"Teenagers do that Ben...you figured out a few things along the way...and you will figure out how to help her...while helping yourself heal. " his mother pulled out of the lot and turned their car in the direction  of home...

Ben watched the trees race by...


	41. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The horses respond to you...you soothe them like you do me..." Ben watched Rey with amused respect.

Rey stroked the large horse's mane, "they are magical  animals...you Ben are not an animal." 

Ben laughed, "some would argue that's not true ! 

She punched him in the arm.

He inched closer.

"Rey...can I ask you something? It's  personal but ... I need to ask..." Ben asked timidly. 

Rey smiled, "yes..."

"We...we've kissed...held eachother... do you want more ? I have no problem  waiting...I mean, I  just want to be on the same page...I want you to feel safe with me...I won't pressure  you. You said Finn was your first everything...and that no one got close to you really until Jason..." Ben prodded feeling a bit uncomfortable. 

Rey nodded, "yeah, Finn was a good friend...but it was awkward...I  did go on a few dates after that... but never felt right with the guys... Jason was nice...but I really wasn't attracted to him...you ruined that possibility...my heart was yours already..."

Ben blushed, grinning. "I am lucky...and you are so beautiful..."

"So complimentary these days Solo...trying to woo me?" She teased.

Her hands moved to his chest, "I want you Benjamin...I just need slow...I need you close...but it scares me to let go that much...I  could be hurt by you ...if we give in that far..."

"I understand your worries, kissing you...touching you...it lights a fire inside  me that I've  never felt  before... you know what I was... what I did for Snoke...and the women since then...I am not proud of those acts...but I've never loved anyone...never made love with someone... not to be crass...but fucking is different...it can be fun or a release or a distraction...but it's empty..." Ben slowly explained. 

Rey smiled, "I don't see you as tainted Ben...you learned value from having none...feeling nothing...you feel real love ...it's cheesy but true."

"You are right." Ben leaned closer, lips against  her cheek.

"I want you so much Rey..." Ben muttered low. 

It made Rey's  body quiver... goosebumps spread across her skin.

She sighed.

"Kiss me..." Rey whispered.

Ben wrapped his arms around her, kissed her softly. "Delicious..."

Rey deepened the kiss, her hand caressing  his neck...her other hand moving lower...

He backed her against  the stall wall...

His own hand found her breast, rubbing...kneading through her dress. She moaned into his mouth...

"So soft...god I love you..." he breathed between kisses.

Their bodies were flush against eachother.

Rey could feel him hardening, she moved her fingers lower still... to graze him through his slacks...she kept kissing him with more hunger...she could feel her own wetness...

He moaned into her touch,  "Rey... "

Rolling her hips into him, they explored...he had never suffered such want...he was starving...

"If...we don't stop now...I don't ... know... if I can..." he whispered. 

Rey smiled, "I want something..."

She tugged at his belt,  but he stopped her.  

"Not that... I  ... " Ben held her wrist. But his other hand trailed up her thigh...found it's  home under her dress...

Her damp panties made him growl into her neck, he kissed and nipped,...his fingers petting the wetness tenderly...

He slid the fabric to the side,  began to stroke in and out while his thumb circled her clit...

Rey arched into him, eyes closing, breath hitched...

He quickened his pace and found her lips again...

Adding a second finger he continued...

She wailed when he added a third...

"So warm...so wet...my beautiful girl..." Ben kept going until she clenched....soaked his fingers...he held her up...her legs wobbling."I've got you..."

"Oh Benjamin...that was...mmmm... nice..." Rey let him hold her, she laid her head against his chest.

He grinned. "Let's get back...a shower and dinner are calling our names..."

Rey giggled, "I ... yes, shower and dinner...definately."

 

* * *

 

 

"The party is not gigantic Ben...but you  and Rey do not have to go... your father and I are obligated to make an appearance. There could be guests in attendance you won't  want to see...I have no control over who's  there..." Leia offered. 

She adjusted her gown.

"Mother, I know. Thankyou, I don't  relish the idea of seeing Ivan or Bazine...or any of the others...I  wouldn't  want Rey to have to either.  Those assholes won't  miss that event though...we will enjoy a romantic dinner here. " Ben replied.

Leia patted his cheek, "wish me luck...I will have difficulty not scratching  Bazine's psychotic eyes out ! She'd  do good to avoid me tonight."

"Be careful  mom." Ben hugged her.

"You enjoy your night son. I love you." Leia headed off to find Han and leave.

Ben went to the kitchens  to direct what he wanted their dinner to be. 

He smiled. Rey would love his surprise he hoped.

He couldn't help but think of how she'd glowed as she came from his touch...he'd wanted to do so much more...but it was a start...

She needed slow...she needed to feel loved and wanted completely...

He could do that...

When they were really  ready they would give themselves to eachother...

He loved her so much...

She was all he wanted...

 

 

 


	42. Whisper your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home felt good. They enjoyed New Year's with his family. Rey hoped his parents weren't freaked out too much by her nightmare...her past. Ben had survived a trauma too...they could help eachother...

Rey let the hot water run over her body...

The steam in the large shower relaxing...

Lost in her thoughts she drifted... her hands kneading her own breasts..."Ben!"

He rounded the hall,  "yes?! ...you forget your towel?"

"Come here!" Rey yelled.

Ben entered and held his breath when he saw her...wet and pink skinned from the hot water...

"Rey?" He managed.

Rey reached out, "come in please... wash my hair?"

He did not have to be told twice...

Leaving his clothes quickly in a pile, he hopped in.

He worked the shampoo diligently  through her hair...rinsed it carefully. 

Next he massaged the conditioner through her hair...rinsed it out...

Rey turned to face him holding a poofy loofa. "and the rest Ben..."

Ben's  eyes widened...pupils dialating...

He squeezed her lavedar scented bodywash onto it making suds...

He rubbed it over her chest and neck, then her back when she turned...up and down each arm...

She faced him again ...raised one leg so he could start with her toes on that side...as he gripped  that ankle...working up the calf...thigh...

He repeated on the other side when she raised that leg...

"You missed something Ben..." she teased.

He brought the loofa to her stomach... circled it lower...

He slid it between  her legs and rubbed...thuroughly cleaning... listening with rapt attention  when his motions created her moan...

The loofa was lost to the floor as he replaced with diligent fingers...

He leaned his forehead against hers, her sharp intakes and pauses making him feel accomplished...

Once she keened against  his palm he dutifully  retrieved  the soapy utensil and cleaned her proper...

When they left the shower he wrapped a towel around her...

They brushed their teeth and snuggled into bed...

He was quite alert down below but was not going to insist  on anything  changing the circumstances...she had invited him in...he'd enjoyed making her cum...it was enough...

As she fell asleep  looking satisfied, he grinned...he did that for her...he gave her that feeling of being wanted...pleasure.

He  was unselfish ...he wasn't the monster Snoke tried to remind him he was...Ben could be romantic... Kylo was a mindless fucking  brute...a rutting animal...

Rey loved Ben...

Ben loved her.

He could forgive himself for Kylo...

When she was truly ready...

Ben would make love to Rey...

SNOKE COULD FUCKING CHOKE ON HIS OWN CRINKLY COCK !

Ben nuzzled her hair...kissed her neck lightly...

 

 


	43. Redheads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben invites Hux to visit...laid down ground rules...

"So she accepted you...every pussy you impaled...every drug you devoured...every bit of temper lost...and you finally  feel worth a damn...about fucking time Solo." Hux always had a way with words...he felt not being blunt or saying anything  nicely could lead to miscommunications...he didn't have time for such nonsense. 

Hux hugged his friend, patted his back.

Ben nodded.

"I  am how do I  say it...proud of grown up Ben." Hux went on.

Ben pouted, "don't patronize..."

"I would never my friend...she is the chocolate  center of a rotten life you've led...not that I didn't indulge you at times ...but the people  that love you despise your reckless tendencies  to self sabatage...you punish yourself..." Hux gave him a grin. 

"I'm  glad you're here Armitage...did I leave much of a mess in London?" Ben muttered showing Hux in.

"Nothing I  couldn't  handle..." Hux laughed.

Hux glanced around as Ben gave him the tour...

"Rey will be back shortly...she went to visit Poe and Kay, their little  girl Ashley is adorable...Rey likes babysitting. " Ben explained.

Hux set his bags down, flopped on the bed. "She's definately  tallented... those paintings...the piano...lovely. I see it you know..." 

Ben stiffened, "see what?"

"I see what she's  done...where I typically  see a raging anger....a storm of self hate and regret I  see a calm surface in those eyes of yours. Your Rey calms your storm Benjamin." Hux sighed. 

Ben smiled, "she did...does...it happened so by accident...she was just here when I  came back to fix my grandparents place up...I  was lost the moment I saw her asleep  in the moonlight...I tried to drown those thoughts when I  partied with you in London...I know she deserves better than my broken ass...but Armitage I love her...it's different  from my love for you... Poe...Kay...my parents...I  never thought I  could feel so much..."

"Love is an all consuming  thing my friend...I  haven't  ever felt such myself...I  envy your luck...it's a privilege. I  continue  to wallow in depravity and vice...I  had to entertain Cecilia  and Rachel after you left...you left Rachel wanting...her wants were a bit frayed...intriguing. Yet...love...I  am happy for you." Hux took in a breath.

"I think I'll  nap and shower, dinner out tonight my treat? Invite Poe and his wife. Rey sounds like I'll enjoy making her acquaintance. I know your mother did...she phoned me when  you two departed her company.  You asked for the ring...good for you brave knight!" Hux dismissed  Ben.

Ben grinned, "yes I did...I'll let them know about dinner...rest well."

 

* * *

 

 

Ben adjusted his dress shirt. Deep blue.

 Rey wore an elegant long sleeved solid lilac dress.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

Hux was still asleep  when she got back.

"Italian place...Hux loves pasta...I  told you ...you were meant to be best friends based on that alone... you are a noodle addict!" Ben teased.

Rey poked him in his ribs, "he sounds different  for sure, he is a trouble  maker..."

"No...he just accomplished trouble... accompanied me during my own ...kept me somewhat  safe ...sane...when I was determined  to hurt myself...he never judged. He likes you already based solely  on my change of interest. That I can smile. But fair warning...he's extremely  blunt.  Poe is used to him...Kay learned to like him...mom loves him...dad thinks he's  a coarse playboy...he doesn't  filter his words..." Ben explained. 

Ret scoffed, "I'm no delicate flower as you recall...I  can respect people's  differences... their quirks. Besides, I have a soft spot for redheads..."

Rey giggled and smacked Ben on his butt.

"Oh really....should I  be jealous?" Ben joked.

"No...but I  am blunt too...I  have my own questions for him...if he can handle them. Let's  get downstairs ...he needs to quit primping so we aren't  late meeting Poe and Kay..." Rey dashed down the stairs.

Hux was waiting in the kitchen. "Well well Benjamin...she is gorgeous ! In a not fake tittied, not too much makeup plastered, non slut way. I approve." He inched forward and kissed her hand. "I'm  Armitage Liam Hux...please call me simply Hux. It's my preference  miss Rey. I  am honored...our Benjamin  doesn't date...you have cured his whoring with your radiant smile. We are all pleased to see your presence in his life. I look forward to diving into that pretty creative head of yours."

Rey eyed him, Ben started to worry...but then she hugged Hux. "It's  nice to meet you...let's go eat!"

Hux gave Ben a wink as she exited ahead of them. 

Hux gave Ben a smirk when he saw his friend's gaze following the fabric movement of her dress intently as she climbed in Hux's rental car...

Yes...Hux knew Ben Solo was a goner... in the best way...no more wing man...and he was glad of it.

As they rode into town and then on to the next town to the Italian restaurant, Hux turned to Rey, "so, tell me about this chicken... Chewie? That you are so fond of...Ben says it rules the house!"

Ben laughed.


	44. Have a noodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giovani's was a nice but not overly priced place, still Hux insisted on treating everyone. He was intrigued by Rey...her affect on his buddy Ben.

"So what will it be Solo ? Your usual lasagna  or will you be adventurous?" Hux prodded.

Ben scowled, "maybe...ravioli... mushroom..."

"Rey?" Hux turned to her.

Rey grinned, " I  don't  know if you've  been warned Hux but I am basically  a garbage  disposal  of food in general ! Any pasta is terrific  to me !" 

Hux laughed,  "ah ...a girl after my own heart. Very good indeed."

Poe chuckled,  "You say that now...just watch ! Then gaze lovingly at the bill !"

"Poe shut it !" Rey threw a roll at him.

Poe tossed one back at Rey.

Kay teased them, "oh are we children  now? Having food fights?"

Ben ignored them.

Hux leaned in to Ben, "I  assume  the ring is burning  a hole in your pocket my friend...I  have no worries your adorable  squatter will say yes...she looks at you like you do at her..."

"I ...hope so. " Ben muttered.

Hux sighed, " don't get insecure  now Benjamin... I  have seen you many ways... under a multitude  of circumstances...you love that girl. And my friend...she loves you. She will be elevated and honored  to be your wife. She knows your worst...she's seen your good... show her your best..."

Ben nodded, "I  ...we have not crossed THE finish line yet... close... but not over..."

Hux chuckled, "that is unimportant ...sexual prowess is nice...but you two have intimacy and passion... the rest will follow  when she is ready...trust me. Her life has not been easy either...steps are a necessary. You will find it's  worth the journey."

"Who made you so wise Hux?" Ben joked.

Hux smirked, "failure is a loving teacher Benjamin...respect it...learn from it..."

"Now, food....mmmmm!" Hux stated to everyone. When their dishes were set in front of each of them.

Dinner was enjoyable. 

Hux shared some of his milder Ben stories...

Ben turned several shades redder...

Rey kept pushing for more so Poe and Kay added their own stories...

Rey got Ben to share chocolate  cake with her...he was quite surprised when she fed him bites...

But it was...nice.

Ben found seeing Rey laughing and sharing niceties  with his few close friends  enlightening...

She was something  special...

He saw no malice  in her...

She calmed him...

Lifted him...

She was kind to everyone he introduced  her to...

None of Hux's  brashness...vulgar bluntness made her shy away either...

He was impressed.

Soon...he needed to ask soon...

He clutched the small box in his pocket for the millionth time.

 

 


	45. Hux affinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat on the porch watching Chewie and BB pecking at their evening seed treats. Dinner had been so comfortable. When they got home, Hux had challenged Ben to chess. Rey was entralled observing how competitive they both were. They talked smack, it was hilarious. Ben interacted so differently with this friend. He kept referring to Hux as 'old man' to try to get a rise...then came the drinking games with cards...Rey held her own.

"Your boy cannot hold his liquor tonight my dear, the wine at dinner and the amounts he inflicted on himself during our games have left him...slobbering on the couch..." Hux chuckled.

Rey smiled, "he doesn't  drink much around me...definately not the amount he had tonight."

"He doesn't  do a lot of things around you my dear...that he used to do." Hux pointed out.

Rey nodded.

"You know, ...he was worried about London...that telling you would alter your impression of him...his past with Snoke...his temper...but you surpassed his wildest dreams by giving him hope. " Hux went on.

"Benjamin  does not trust...easily. Then  again... I do not believe you do either...you bothered to look below the surface...that in itself is a compliment  to your character.  You are strong of heart, despite your own hurt. Instead of bitter and cynical. " Hux sat down beside her.

Rey glanced at him, "you have seen a lot of his bad days..."

"I  have my dear...I've seen him so drunk his was puking and pissing himself...I've witnessed him almost beat a man to death...I've seen him fuck woman after woman all the while hating himself...I've seen him drugged out of his mind, balls deep as per ordered, half starved from malnutrition,  and crying...I  have held his hand in the hospital when he almost died...comforted his mother...I've seen him give everything  for nothing..." Hux sipped his coffee.

Hux continued   "But I've  seen beauty too...he has a giving heart...that has been used and broken so many times... mistreated...and then he came upon an adorable  little squatter  in his grandparents  home..."

Rey wasn't  sure how to respond. "He told you how he found me? He didn't tell me at first."

Hux smirked, "yes dear, ...he arrived late at night and discovered someone had been using his house... low and behold it was a naked nymph of fantasy that was bathed in moonlight...your spell cast immediately...he was quite distraught.  It was amusing to me and Poe actually.  He hid at Poe's house as I recall, sent fixers and appliances...done even more since then... he was terrified  of scaring you off...a fate worse than death..."

Rey laughed, "I  was just worried  I'd  get thrown out...but then I saw him. He woke me to breakfast  one day...he was ...um ...hot...abs ya know...shirtless"

"Well, he does have that going for him ! And that princely hair !" Hux joked. 

Rey looked nervous, "I  do love him...I  promise...I  don't  care about money... things...his past... we all have pain or experiences good and bad we carry with us... I  just hate he was used and hurt... he is beautiful  to me.  I  trust him to try not to hurt me..."

"He wouldn't  intentionally...just do not allow him to self sabatage. London was such. His reaction to trying to lose himself in drugs, alcohol,  a woman who meant nothing...typical. He hated himself. He thinks you deserve better...so he tried to forget...and immediately  regretted  his stupidity...men are dumb creatures. You are aware I'm sure...but he lights up at your name. He knows you are not materialistic... it is a blessing. Too many are. He has enjoyed all your little moments  since he discovered  you in July...you are his hope for a fulfilling  life. It's  all he desires...to make you smile. "

"You...are definately  the wordy one of the group." Rey teased. "But thankyou."

Hux patted her shoulder, "no thanks needed. But do know, I expect great things between  you too. I  am now your friend...call upon me any time... if he is downward spiralling for some reason...or you need to cry over burnt cookies... same difference. I  live in England...not another planet. I  only draw the line at a zombie  apocalypse  or painting my toes... I  abhore  the walking dead... disgusting...and there is no color nail polish that compliments me."

Rey grinned, "what about purple glitter?"

"For the zombies?" He teased.

Rey punched his arm, "no ! ...you !"

Hux glowered, "I  would never..."

Rey kept her mischievous  grin.

Rey put the chickens  in the barn and they went in.

Hux sat his coffee  cup in the sink.

Hux glanced down at the man on the couch  snoring, "do you want to move him to his bed?"

Rey laughed, "nah...just help me roll him on his side. I'm  going put a new pillow here and cuddle  up with him. Do you mind covering us up with that big quilt once I'm down?"

Hux marveled, this sweet creature. "I certainly  can my dear...I  will tuck the children into bed...shall I read you a story as well?"

Rey stuck put her tongue at him, "ass!" 

"So mature missy!" Hux joked.

As he left the room he watched them a moment.

Rey cuddled up to Ben, Ben nuzzled into her neck happily.

 She began to pet his hair.

They were adorable. 

Hux smirked.  Ben was lucky...

Hux climbed the stairs and kicked back on the bed he was given.

Bringing his laptop to life he saw a missed messege from Phasma. 

She was asking how their Ben was.

Hux promptly  replied that Ben was good...in safe hands. 

He also sent a request. Was she still coming to visit in London after his return?

She sent back a yes.

Hux grinned...Ben needed to be told of course...but not yet. This was ...new...and odd...and he wasn't  sure what it was yet...

He did however think Ben would want his friends  happy. 

He closed his eyes dreaming of her thighs trapping his head again...

 

 


	46. Yawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben found himself sore, drool faced, and confused. He must've passed out on his couch during their drinking games. "Oh ...my...god...my fucking head..." he complained. Rey was cuddled up with him. He smiled.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Hi yourself...I  decided joining you on the couch was easier than trying to move you upstairs  to bed...even with Hux's help it would have been hard." Rey told him.

Ben yawned. 

"This is nice to wake up to...sorry I passed out. You guys stay up long after?" He asked.

Rey shrugged, "not too long... chatted a bit. He cares about you...he's been with you through a lot ..."

Ben nodded, "definately...he's cleaned me  up many times...he brought me back to mom...many times during my dark period..."

"He was very blunt...no sugar coated answers...no egg shells walked on...he was there when you did things for Snoke?" Rey inquired.

Ben couldn't  quite read her expression. "Yes...he is connected  to so many people  at multiple  levels of that industry...he tried  to warn me...then just tried to be my friend  and keep me alive ...out of jail..."

"You were blessed to have him... and eventually Poe and Kay..." Rey  said.

She kissed his cheek.

Ben sighed at the light touch.

"I was...though I didn't always treat him like I should have...he partied with me sometimes just to be there...for mom. He never judged just was there for me when the dust settled...he helped mom get me out" Ben explained. 

Rey smiled. 

They got up and made their way upstairs.

They took a long...indulgent bath.

Threw something cozy on and sought out breakfast. 

"Flakes or Lucky Charms?" Rey asked.

Ben smirked, "Fruity Pebbles...I  know there are some left..."

Rey dug in the pantry and sure enough..."yep, found them. Here."

"So...what is the plan today?" Rey asked. She chonped a bit of her flakes. Looking so much like a chipmunk.

Ben laughed."smaller bites Rey! No one is going to take it from you!" 

Rey made a face...and continued  to chomp ungracefully.

"I am actually  going to do some running with Hux when he wakes up....errands. but I want to take you somewhere later. It's  a surprise.  Wear anything you want. Just be ready  to leave by 7." Ben directed.

Despite herself, Rey yawned. "I might go back to sleep when you two head out...."

"That  would be perfect..." Ben grinned. 

* * *

 

Hux heard them wake up and make their way upstairs.

He heard them enjoying their bath... chuckling, he thought they were loud. In the best way.

He hoped Ben wouldn't  chicken out and ask her to marry him. 

 


	47. Pampering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Ben made arrangements...errands done, they returned home.

"You really  have added much to this old property  Benjamin...the girl inspired you. I find her pleasant.  Refreshing." Hux told him in the driveway.

Ben grinned, "thanks, I  think my grandad would like all my improvements.  And Rey...she's amazing...inspiring for sure."

"Has she been enlightened  about your ...time with Phasma? You confessed so much..." Hux needed to know for his own reasons.

Ben gave him a curious  look, "actually  yes... why? That's  an odd thing to bring up..."

Hux smirked, "well...as it were ... I  was curious  if she would react badly to ever being in Phasma's presence...in the future... or you... would it make you uncomfortable?"

"No, Phasma  and I  had a good talk recently. She's  happy for me about Rey. I  still consider her a friend. I  explained  her to Rey, she seemed to understand  why and where my head was then. I  don't think she would react wierd...or feel threatened. "

"Well... I am relieved  to hear it. We crossed paths at a gala in France. The occasion was terribly boring and she approached me. We conversed...she's a different  breed of woman to be certain...we've seen more of eachother since then...I  hoped you'd be thrilled two friends of yours...perhaps hit it off." Hux paced outside of Ben's  truck.

Ben laughed, "she's a bit intense in her tastes...but I have no problem  with you two doing whatever you're  doing...you are adults Hux."

"Thankyou ...I  wouldn't continue  enjoying her company without your blessing...your friendship means alot to me. I have found... I  am open to new horizons... she has relished  in educating me." Hux beamed.

Ben laughed. 

"Her aftercare is quite...tender. We may never have known eachother if not for you Benjamin. Fate is a humorous thing it seems. I find she satisfies that itch that others have barely scratched." Hux added.

"Happy for you my friend. Phasma will never bore you... I wish you luck. Rey will say the same I'm sure...she's such a kind person." Ben patted his back.

 

* * *

 

 

"What in the world?" Ben was highly amused.

Rey giggled,  "what?"

Hux shrugged, "she's a bit relentless..."

Ben found them watching My little Pony and Rey was painting Hux's toes.

Turquoise.

Her's were bright pink. 

They both had green facial masks on.

"Seriously? Wow..." Ben  shook his head. He'd been buried with paperwork in his library for his mother. He didn't he had left them unattended that long. 

Rey gave him a look, "don't make fun Solo...you're next ! "

"Ha ! Um...not happening !" Ben grinned.

Hux threw a pillow at him, "that is what I said...your girl is quite insistent."

"We leave soon...Rey you need to wash your face and change. " Ben instructed.

Rey jumped up after she finished Hux's  last toe, "shit ! I lost track of time ! I'll  go get ready. "

She dashed upstairs. 

"Should I send Phasma a picture  of how manly you look right now?" Ben picked on Hux.

Hux glared, "not if you want to make it out if this room alive long enough to surprise  your  Rey."

"Hmmm...fine. You suck.  Poe would love this ! Anyway, ...I  hope she likes it. Thanks for your help today." Ben took a seat on the couch.

"She will...it's from you." Hux assured him.

Ben adjusted  his dress shirt.

Rey came down an hour later.

Ben stared.

"Benjamin  has been rendered apparently speechless my dear...you look lovely." Hux stated. "You two enjoy your evening. I  have a hot date with Skype." 

Hux made his way upstairs.

"Rey...you really do look beautiful. Let's  go." Ben told her offering his hand. 

Rey smiled, blushed, "thanks."

The dress way lower cut at the bust than she preferred, but the deep green fabric made her feel sexy. 

Her hair loose except one side braid over the top to keep it out of her face.

He opened the door for her at the truck. 

As they drove, his hand crept to her hand.

She squeezed  his.

"So where are we going?" Rey asked.

Ben gave a michievious glance, "that ...would be telling."

"Brat..." she muttered.

Ben prayed it would all go perfectly. 

It had to.

She had to love it.

He desperately needed her to love it.

He felt the box in his pocket. 

He could do this !

 


	48. Gentle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben knew. He knew Rey was the most sincere person he'd ever met. She saw the good in others and beauty in the world around her that someone else wouldn't even notice. The parts of him that digusted himself craved for her love to mold him like clay into someone worthy of that kindness. Her trust was a priceless gift.

Rey was confused. She thought they were headed somewhere for maybe a nice dinner...but the drive just kept going. 

Then, they were at the airport.

"Ben-?" She started to ask.

He shook his head. "Just trust me.."

He grabbed her hand and tugged her through the airport to the private area. 

"It's  my dad's,  one of them anyway.  This is James, he's our pilot today." Ben added.

Rey smiled. She saw a twinkle in his eye. It warmed hers.

He knew she didn't  need things like this...but... he could give them.

 

* * *

 

They landed in New Oreleans first for a late lunch. He showed her the sights.

James messeged Ben that they were ready to go when he was.

Back on the plane Rey tried to find out what he was up to next.

Ben would not give anything away.

The box in his pocket burning a hole. His palms sweaty.

He was nervous.

She fell asleep  not long after take off.

He watched her sleep.

This amazing creature would be his wife...she had brought the man out of the monster and saw his light. 

He wanted to give her a family... children...

To want for nothing...

She had no idea just how rare a find she was...

 

* * *

 

 

The private landing strip had sandy edges...

Rey blinked looked out the small window.

Where in the world?

Ben grinned. "Hi. You're  awake... good. This island is off the grid so the speak. It belongs to my father. Off the coast of Mexico...it's small but beautiful. It's  not considered  part of the U.S. or Mexico."

Rey was flabbergasted. "An island?"

"Yep." Ben looked quite pleased  with himself. "There are clothes and supplies already in the house.  The caretakers have prepared a meal. I  hope you like this. "

Rey smiled, "I do...it's a lot to take in...but wow. How much money do you actually  have? I felt privileged when I could afford new nail polish or chocolate...new paints.  I'm  still not used to the access to what you seem to be."

Ben was happy."I know...it's why doing this for you gives me joy. You expect nothing...you just want me. So I enjoy spoiling you. Because  you are thankful for every single thing. "

Rey kissed his cheek. "Thankyou."

"Come on, we can freshen up and eat, then maybe take a nap. I'll  show you around completely  tomorrow. There's  a waterfall  here and a nice white sandy beach. The house is nice. There's  a pool too." Ben guided her from the airstrip to the house.

Rey enjoyed their meal. He told her about coming here with his parents.

She couldn't  help wondering how much an island cost...

They took a romantic shower after and cuddled up naked and content to rest.

Ben ran his hand up and down her spine until she fell asleep.  

Tomorrow  had to be perfect.

He had to suck it up and be brave.

He had to trust her with his heart.

She will say yes...

She's  happy...they're close...have really opened to eachother...

She will say yes.

She was not something  he could buy...

But she will see his truth...how much he truly needs her...her love. 

He kissed her temple. Hugging her tightly to his  chest.

So this is happiness...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	49. Echoes in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wrote carefully...she watched Ben's chest rise and fall...she looked at his skin...at his fingers...at his toes sticking out from the comforter ...heard him breathe.

She pictured this fabulous  mess of a man with someone  better  than her...

...taller than her...

...prettier...

...bigger breasts...

...more money...

...less insecure...

...truly functional...

...undamaged...

 

She was nervous  by the pace...

She never thought someone would slip under her defenses...

He was so beautiful.

She didn't  need him...she wanted him...

The words creep into sentences... working across the page like a growing  creature...

It was strange  feeling these ...things...

So this is happiness...

 

* * *

 

 

Ben yawned  and stretched...

He felt the bed was empty...no head on the pillow...no warm body there as his hand reached...

Where was she?

What the fucking hell?

...a letter...

There's  a letter on the nightstand...

No....he begs the universe...

please no...

He opened  it slowly...more scared than he ever had in his life...

 

_Dear Ben,_

_I felt at home in your house. I_

_feel at home in your arms. You are_

_home to me. You make my heart_

_sing. You make my body feel truly_

_alive. I see long days and nights of_

_j_ _ust getting  to know eachother. I_

_know you will hold me...let me cry...I_

_know I  will hold you...let you cry..._

_You make me laugh...and feel like_

_dancing. You inspire me. We will_

_listen and be whatever we will be..._

_something great._

_I love you._

_You are my heart,_

_Rey_

 

Ben took a deep breath. 

She...didn't run. 

"Hi Ben..." Rey spoke softly  from the doorway.

Ben smiled. "Come here...please."

Rey blushed. 

She sauntered over to him.

His hands moved up her sides. His head rested against  her chest. 

Her fingers slipped  through his hair. 

"Do you even realize  what you've given  me?" He told her.

Rey laughed. "You've  given me the same."

"Ready for your surprize?" Ben said mischievously.

"Definately. "Rey leaned  down kissing him deeply. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was sublime.

She held his hand as they strolled.

 

Ben didn't  talk.

Rey didn't  talk. 

 

They marinated in the breeze, the sounds...

He led her to the falls.

They sat. He pulled her into his lap. 

"You like it here?" He asked.

"Who wouldn't? It's a fucking paradise?" Rey joked. 

Ben nuzzled into her hair.

"Close your eyes..."  Ben whispered.

Rey cocked her head.

Ben grinned.  "Trust me...please."

Rey nodded. Her lashes closed.

Ben pulled a small box out... opened and held it in front of her eyes.

"Open  your eyes sweetheart..." he spoke softly. 

Rey opened her eyes...they widened. "Oh...my...fuck...Ben!"

"Is that a yes? I don't want to live a life without you in it...always.  My existence would be a blur. You are everything. " Ben  stated.

Rey kissed him.  "Yes!"

He  slid the ring on her finger.

So this is happiness...

 


	50. Jump with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey had encouraged him to do many odd or adventurous things since he found her in his house...now this. Ben felt like a pussy.

"Come on Ben ! It's  going to be phenomenal!" Rey was pulling at his hand toward the edge.

Ben winced, "but...it's... a bit high."

"The view is gorgeous ! It's  begging for us to jump !" Rey was not giving up. 

Finally at the edge, they peeked down.

It was a....drop.

Ben knew she would not allow him to deny her...as if he could for long.

Rey grinned, "ready?"

"1... 2 ... 3... !" She counted.

"Go !" She yelled.

Hand in hand they jumped.

They hit the space below with a loud splash 

"Omg  it's  so damn cold !" Rey said through chattering teeth.

Ben laughed. "Your idea ! Come here..."

She nuzzled into his arms as they floated. 

* * *

 

 

Rey picked at the fruit on the coffee table.

She was wrapped in a thick comforter.

"Do you want a small wedding?" Ben asked her. "My mother will push for huge..."

Rey beamed, "mother...I guess she'll be my mom soon when we get married huh?" 

Ben smiled, "yes she will...my family will be yours. "

"I honestly  want something  small... I  never considered  that I'd ever get married though...I  have always ended up pushing people away...I  have let you get closer than anybody..." Rey stated.

He curled around her. "You  are nice and toasty in this thing. Mmmmm... I  am glad you will be mine. This is quite the jump for me too...I  thought I was too damaged to build something  real. I  love you so much."

Rey kissed him. His hands found her breasts. And one moved lower.

She  loved how he could make her cum so easily  now.  They hadn't  even had complete sex yet.

Their hands worked eachother.

 These moments were perfect to her. 

Wife...

She was going to be someone's  wife...

Why was that thought blissful yet more terrifying  than jumping off the waterfall cliff ? 

 

 

 


	51. Lace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rey I know you're not the fancy expensive type but this is perfect for your frame. Ben will be speechless. I want you to not look at pricetags and pick whatever you adore most. It's my right as mom to treat you to this. I got a son not a daughter so you will humor me." Leia stated holding up a lacey silk dress. It was the most intricate, delicate looking thing Rey had ever seen ...and the tag was $25,000. Rey cringed.

"It's  lovely..." Rey replied shyly.

Every dress Leia handed her was some name brand someone. 

Rey twirled in front of a wall of mirrors multiple times...in multiple dresses.

Rose and Jessika beamed.

Kay cried.

Finn grabbed  some dresses he thought were nice too. His were less fancy...less pricey.

Rey did love the lace work though... it made her picture climbing roses...dancing butterflies...

"Oh Rey honey you look so pretty!" Leia began to tear up and hugged her.

The store associate seemed pleased.

Rey didn't want a headpiece, she thought simple tiny flowers in her hair was more HER.

No one argued.

Leia brought a box out of her purse. "I know you don't like all the monetary things we've  done... but this means a lot to all of us. You are special  to us.  My boy is so happy. These were my mother's  too like the ring so I want you to have them for the wedding if you'll  indulge me. I wore them too. Ben's  great-grandmother as well. Simple pearls. "

Rey teared up.  It couldn't  be helped.

Opening the box she gazed at the pearl earrings. 

"Thankyou." Rey sobbed happily. "I'd  be honored."

"Great...so which dress did you prefer?" Leia asked.

Rey smiled, "I  think I like that one best." She pointed at one slung over the chair near Rose.

It was a lace one.

Long sleeves of an intricate floral pattern, low cut in the front and back, cinched waist, thin material for the bottom also laced detailing, no long train...simple yet elegant. Modest priced compared to most...

Rey seemed happy with her purchase. 

"Ok, lunch now...starving!" Directed Jessika.

They enjoyed a light lunch and continued  girl's  day at the salon...

They kept chattering as they got toes and fingers pampered... facials...then their hair done. Leia insisted it was all her treat. 

"This has been so fun!" Leia exclaimed. "Rey, what style shoe do you want?"

"Actually ...I  asked Ben if we could both go barefoot. He ...agreed. And he isn't wearing a normal tux..." Rey  replied a bit timid.

Leia looked a bit surprised, "oh... well that is different. But it is your wedding.  If he agreed it is done. If it makes you happy."

"Thanks." Rey said. She knew her future mother in law thought it was wierd.

 

* * *

 

 

They drove back to the house that night exhausted. 

Ben greeted everyone. "Enjoy your girl's  day?"

He gave Rey a quick peck on the lips.

"Yep, got a dress...did a bit of girly  pampering at the salon. Just tired now." Rey told him.

She hugged her friends goodbye. Leia talked to Ben a while in private before she left. 

The wedding was still a bit away, but most details were squared.

It was going to be small, at their home, and simple.

Rey didn't  want a 1,000....or a 100 people there...just the few that mattered. It was for them not everyone else. Ben had completely agreed...he was not keen on tons of people anyway...loner type like her.

They cuddled up watching Battlestar Galatica and munching rice crispy treats.

"Mom asked me why barefoot" Ben stated...then chuckled. 

"What'd  you tell her?" Rey whispered.

Ben smiled, "I told her we are free spirits who like the feel of the grass between  our toes...and how much you hate shoes!"

He loved to tease her.

She punched him pouting in the arm.

 

 


	52. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux called Ben early in the morning. Ben sulked ...he hasn't had coffee yet...the nerve. "Someone better be dead Hux! It is 5 a.m.!"

Hux chuckled, "well does a deceased career  count as a good corpse for your sensibilities Benjamin?"

Ben rubbed his chin and sat up in bed, Rey still fast asleep beside him, "you have my attention...who?"

"Snoke...do you not even scan the news anymore ? Have you decided to live under a rock in your blissful romance?" Hux teased.

Ben smiled to himself, "how?"

"He added one too many skeletons... his closet burst so to speak...one of his models had enough...of Bazine...of him...the drugs...the abuse...they took the videos to the authorities...all of them...the pictures...he kept a copy of everything... everyone he ever...took advantage  of... yours were not included....my contact told me they've  interviewed  so many. You will probably  still be contacted... he's been arrested...he's not the only one. It will be going to court...the press is having a field day....his house of cards has fallen..." Hux paused.

Ben was relieved but hesitant. "I wanted him stopped...punished... but I thought it was all behind me... Rey  is so excited  about the wedding... "

Hux understood. "She will support you. You have your family...myself and Phasma... Poe and Kay...you're not alone.  Let the bastard fry...get closure finally... then celebrate by marrying your dream girl. You may not even have to get involved...I  just wanted to check on you. I  didn't  want some overzealous  reporter  being how you found out if you had not heard yet..."

"Thankyou my friend...I think I can handle this. I feel stronger than I have in years. I  need to talk to Rey...and mom... just in case." Ben thanked Hux again. Hung up.

He set his cell on the nightstand and curled up against Rey...she was so warm...

They only had days until they were married...the shitstorm of his former tormentors  could wait...

If he had to he knew he would testify...embarassment be damned...that psychotic sadistic demon would  not haunt him again!

He would not hurt anyone again!

He should have turned him in himself...

He had been too weak...wanted his past dead...ash...buried...forgotten...

He would support the ones coming forward...

 

* * *

 

Hux had been right...his mother's  lawyers were armed if it was needed...

The case looked good...so much evidence.

The press crucified the evil creep... the videos and pictures went back pretty far...there were many that had been underage at the time....some deaths attributed to the life he'd forced upon them...

In the end...it was clear no amount of money or friends in high places could dig him out of this grave Snoke had dug himself...many of those friends were being buried with him...Bazine was too...but the case would still be drug out in court for a long time...

Ben stood staring down the isle smiling at Rey. 

She was the only thing that mattered...he was not going to worry about the court case...he was happy...free...

Tears threatened at the edges of his eyes as she walked toward him ...escorted by Finn...

Their few close friends  and family  present...

No press...

No hundreds of society buffs because of his parents wealth...or his past...

Rey's chicken was ring bearer...

She looked like walking art.  Bare feet...loose hair with a touch of small flowers...lace dress hugging her form perfectly...as if she was the angel come to save his battered soul...

The most beautiful magical being to ever cross his path...

As they exchanged self-written vows then kissed sealing theiur promises...he felt like his heart would burst.

They were not alone anymore...

They were healing eachother...

They were starting a new chapter...

Rose caught the bouquet...

Hux caught the guarder...

Phasma laughed, but sported a sparkly something on her finger... so maybe they would be the next ones to take the plunge...

Ben hoped so...

They danced and sang...ate cake...

Everyone wished them happiness...

All Ben could wrap his head around was she was officially  legally his! 

Tonight was their honeymoon...

They weren't leaving to go on their trip until the next day... so tonight they were spending as man and wife would be in their house...in their bed...

Ben lay there patiently in the silken black boxers she'd  bought him waiting for her to exit the bathroom and show him what surprise  she decided to wear...

The suspense  was killing him...

 

 

 

 


	53. My home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was truly left dumbstruck as she entered the room...she was art walking...priceless.

Rey had her hair loose...every trace of wedding day makeup gone...

He could see every lovely freckle...

The room lit only with a single candle that sat on the dresser... provided just enough light...

He inhaled deep, her perfume was soft and floral...just a taste...

His eyes glided up her form from her adorable  bare feet...up her tone legs...the lace that hugged her skin was still quite see through...

The subtle fabric a shade of pale peach...no panties just the gentle hint of cover...it made his body respond immediately...

Ben felt hard...he couldn't recall being harder in his entire life...

"Rey...I  don't  even have words..." it came from his lips as a hushed confession. 

Rey giggled, "so I succeeded at trying to be all sexy for you ?"

He laughed, "you would have been sexy in a paper sack honey..."

She blushed.

He knew she just didn't  realize how stunning  she was to him.

She made her way closer. 

Reaching the bed she placed her palm against  his chest. "I want slow...we have time to explore. I  want you to remain still. Close your eyes..."

He obeyed.

He felt her fingers tracing his skin, over his facial features, down his jaw, neck, over his chest, each nipple, up and down his arms, his abs, each leg, thighs, then his cock...it was gentle, her ministrations....

Then her touch stopped...

Ben trembled...

Her lips followed the entire path her fingers had taken...

Ending in the same place...

He moaned as she took him inside the warmth of her mouth...he felt so wanted...hungered for...

His hands clenching to reach for her...

He desperately  wanted to do the same to her...touch and kiss every inch...

She let his go with a pop...laying over him, chest to chest, she nuzzled his nose with her own, ...kissed his cheeks, his eyelids, then devoured his lips.

Leaning up, she rolled off and onto her back.

"Ben...."she beckoned throaty, "my turn..."

Ben's  eyes snapped open, and followed her example...

First his hands,  then his kiss, his mouth happily finding every inch...moving the peach fabric from her belly, off her breasts..pebbled rose dusted nipples....

He widened her legs to enjoy her center, wet and waiting, she arched as his tongue worked, joined by delightfully  thick...skilled fingers...sucked the nub of nerves...

Her hand gripped his hair as he created her first orgasm...not relenting until her body ceased it's  spasms...

He twined his fingers through hers above her head, nudging himself between  her legs.

As he pushed inside slowly he felt her tense, breath hitch...

...heart pounding like his own...

Rey rocked up to meet his thrusts...

She was glad they waited ...

He was glad they waited...

"Ben...oh Ben..."she moaned in his ear...

He captured her lips.

It felt like they became one person, one body, blissfully  content...

When she came hard again moaning his name...he lost himself to release..."Rey..."

They panted together afraid to move, not wanting to separate...they were home....

 


	54. Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He traced her spine ever so gently as she slept. She was what made waking up every day worth the effort.

Ben had enjoyed spoiling her on their honeymoon.

Instead of one trip he had taken her to many places. 

He wanted to give her the world, he'd  been dead inside too long ...when she breathed new life into him...

Rey being her had fussed a bit...he knew she didn't  care less about fancy trips...jewelry... society... status...

It made her deserve the world even more.

She valued him...

He thanked the heavens for such a gift.

She made a home for him. She was home to him. 

No one and nothing could ever replace the joy. No one could fill the void in his heart if she was gone.

He wanted to treat everyday as their last. His mother agreed. 

His parents fawned over her. 

He had found her family as well, but had not approached  the subject yet.

A cousin.

Her mother's  neice was all that was left. He knew it would  be hard but so good for Rey to know her...find out about her family. 

He loved touching her. Never tired of her warm skin, the blush he created. 

When she gave herself  to him the night of their wedding it was like being reborn through her...his past experiences lost...like it had been  another man's  life...

He kissed her shoulder.

They were in Japan this week... next was China...then Ireland...she had enjoyed New Zealand and trapsing  around Africa...

...they had donated to many causes...he would use his money to help those like her childhood self...who been alone... suffered... she had given him his heart back...he would use it.

 

* * *

 

 

Snoke lost his freedom...Bazine... others...who fed on the flesh of the innocent...

A year later and Ben grinned. He was glad of it.

Closure.

He'd  reached out to the many ...the sea of victims...the families of the dead...and given the resources to heal...

The foul man hadn't  escaped prison...

Hux had called him and let him know when he was dead.

Killed in his cell...He'd been brutally raped repeatedly...beaten... tortured...a month after he arrived.

One of his past victims had residency in the same prison...

The man had been 13 when Snoke took him under his wing...like many...young naive...like Ben had been. 

Even hardened murderors looked down upon molesters...child rapists...those who would sell young flesh...the man had broken  down to his cellmate about who Snoke was to him...his cellmate had shared...

Ben had not killed him...but it was fitting...his end not painless but drawn out...a taste of the evil he'd  committed.

Hux had gone to the prison seeking closure for Ben. The man had sought him out to confess.  

Snoke's  death ruled unsolved because  no witness would point to the the culprits... despite punishment. 

Ben wondered if his gruesome end gave others like him...the man... closure. 

Rey had stood by him. His mother...Hux and the others...he had testified  at the trial... humiliation be damned...

Bazine had served minimal time, claiming to be a victim as well... being threatened to keep silent...to participate...

Her money had saved her, her station, her father's  influence...

Other wealthy men and women  like her who had delighted in Snoke's  gifts of flesh and drugs paid fines, suffered embarrassment,  went to jail... reputations gone...

Even now Ben had nightmares of their hands...mouths on him... grunting... writhing...

Rey held him, petting his hair when he cried, he told her everything he remembered...and if something triggered forgotten  moments...she worked through it with him...

He felt so dirty and raw...but she washed him clean. Kissed his face.

* * *

 

"Mother this was kind of you, the foundation will help so many. Free counselling and resources. Not just his victims...but so many others..." Ben was thrilled.  

Leia nodded, "thankyou, I'm just glad it's over. That you...any victim of such brutal cruelty  can find peace to have a new life...I  am so happy you found Rey..."

"Me too...speaking of which, I  should get her back to the hotel. Our flight is early to head home." Ben added.

He moved through the crowd, he saw her looking ever his princess as she spoke to a senator. 

Then he saw HER.

A flick of green and gold moved behind Rey...a surge of people obstructed his view.

Then no Rey...no HER...

Ben panicked...

He saw a door not too far beyond where he'd  seen Rey.

Pushing inside...he followed the sound of footsteps hurrying away down dark halls. 

At the end of the hall was a grand library. 

"Rey?" He called. 

Hearing nothing. 

No...please he begged...

Bazine grinned wickedly. "Well Kylo...how good of you to join us..." she almost hissed the words amidst the darkness. 

Light seeping in from the large windows.

"What do you want Bazine? Give her to me!" He demanded.

Bazine's long nails dug into Rey's  neck as she held her from behind. 

He could tell Rey was not ...all there...drugged?

"Kylo...what? ...no kiss to greet an old friend?" She curled her nails deep enough blood dripped down Rey's  neck...her body somewhat limp...eyes closed...

"What did you give her?" He said flatly.

"Your old favorite...the drug Ivan gave you when he had you ...entertain groups..." she laughed. "You recall, it made you more receptive...you'd moan and take every cock...let any bitch take a ride...ha! You loved it...so hungry for his praise...his kindness after...the numbness  he'd  grant you...his friends enjoyed the ones like you...so well trained...pity."

"Shut up." He breathed shaking.

"How old were you the first time he bent you over his desk Kylo... taught you what pain was ? How to submit? He offered to sell you...to me once. But you escaped...the overdose...the first one...so then he kept you closer...always present at transactions... he would rewatch the footage over and over...look at your pictures...share them...you just wanted more...so hungry...so young..." Bazine twisting the knife in his mind.

"Does she know ...your young wife? How truly depraved you became... how desperate for a fix? She was practically virginal when she gave herself  to you...I could tell...the way you revered her. Does she know you've taken more cocks than some porn stars? Fucked and abused more women than she could possibly  fathom? What I made you do?" The demon of a woman was pushing. 

Then he saw the gun. It was pointed into Rey's  side.

"He's  dead Bazine...what purpose does this serve?" He begged.

She narrowed her glare, "you...the others ruined our well built empire. So much time lost...money drained...I  lost my company...my status...temporarily my freedom...I am empty without my ...release."

"What you were doing...what he dealt in was evil...wrong...you are evil..." Ben stated.

His eyes darting to the gun and her nails ...

"You...were my favorite you know... you bowed in your submission ...fed every lower base need we had...it took his words... the right taste of oblivion  and you opened wide...snarling... wild animal ready to perform. Has this girl ever even seen YOU? " Bazine kept prodding.

He found her repulsive,  her pokes pushing memories he'd  repressed to the forefront...it was maddening.

"She has seen me...loves me anyway, she's  held me broken... made me laugh and feel joy... brought me back to life..." Ben  couldn't  hold in the tears now escaping his eyes. His hands shaking...

She took him in, "you have grown Kylo...a man now...would you die in her place then Benjamin ? "

"Yes..." he replied with no hesitation.

"Yes...yes you would. The monster would sacrifice himself to save his prey... interesting...Snoke wouldn't  see the change in you...he denied it. I  saw it...good for you. You didn't let him taint you completely... or her..." she sighed.

He was confused. "Let her go please..."

"She is quite pretty Kylo,  would have earned him alot back in our day...like me...before he changed me...you...all of us...I  am not worth saving...maybe you still are..." Bazine released Rey's  neck allowing her to crumple to the ground. 

Ben went to her, holding her.  "Rey?...Rey...please be ok?"

Bazine watched them a moment.

Then while his eyes were still gazing at Rey... a gunshot echoed. 

Bazine lay in a heap near them... blood expanding from her head across the floor...

A security  guard came running among others...soon paramedics...

Ben looked down at the women... Bazine had been one of his tormentors... but now...he pitied her...and Rey...he was thankful that the shadow of his past had not taken her from him...

 

 


	55. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mom, ...yes we're home. The Dr's finally let me bring her home. The drug is out of her system, she's resting upstairs. We... were very lucky..." Ben took a deep breath as he reflected on how the situation with Bazine could have ended vastly different...

He hung up the phone, and climbed  the stairs to check on Rey. 

He was so very thankful...

"Ben?" Rey asked  weakly.

Ben leaned down kissing her forehead. "I'm  here."

"Is she...?" Rey looked sad.

Ben turned away, Rey's  heart was so much bigger than his. "She's  dead, when she let you go she shot herself..."

"She was in pain...she hid it by becoming  like those who hurt her... she hurt you...I  wish she had found what you have...release from that pain...the ability  to forgive herself..." Rey held a solemn tone.

Ben sat next to her on the bed, "it's  harder ...to forgive yourself. You are such a force in my life. Thankyou again...for loving me..."

He curled up in the bed beside  her.

She stroked his hair.

"It was such an easy thing to do...love you..."

 

* * *

 

 

"Poe ! Hurry up ! You're making us late !" Kay yelled. 

"I'm coming!" Poe yelled back.

He joined her in their minivan, headed toward the baby shower.

* * *

 

 

"Jeeze I feel like a cow..." Rey  complained. 

Ben smirked, "you are absolutely  beautiful  Rey. "

"You have to say that...because I'm  full of your baby..." she chuckled. "I'm due any day.  She will be so excited  to meet her daddy. "

His hand rubbed the swell of her belly. "I love your dress, so sweet. You have made me so happy."

"Come on, everyone's  waiting... your mother out did herself...our friends are here to celebrate Danielle." Rey smiled. 

 

* * *

 

 

His heart beat so fast, all she had to do was look his way...even now and it was like the first time...

 

* * *

 

 

Rey opened their gifts, played silly games, it was a fun day.

"Thankyou all so much, we feel so blessed. " Rey  smiled at their sweet friends.

 


	56. Dani

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben kissed her cheek, school...his princess was starting school. "Have great day sweetheart...learn lots!"

Ben loved building.

It had become a therapeutic outlet. He built furniture  and sold it at leisure...the money wasn't  needed but it made him feel accomplished. 

Rey had become a well known artist,  her pieces unique.  She painted objects or scenes in spaces as commissioned.  No two pieces of art the same. 

She had a waiting list.

But...her main priority was Danielle.

Ben wouldn't  have it any other way.

Their daughter brought them so much joy.

 


	57. Smiled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey twirled in the rain in their yard with Danielle...Ben watched the spectacle with a chuckle.

"Momma ! Go faster ...faster!" Danielle  yelled giggling.

Rey smiled.

Twirling....whirling...

Ben welcomed his girls onto the dry porch with big towels. "Here, warm up. I  made hot chocolate."

Rey snuck him a peck on the lips, "so thoughtful  Mr. Solo."

Danielle  grinned, her parents were icky sweet to eachother  but she loved it.

She liked her teacher and seemed to want to try everything...

Her favorite  was art though...they found her decorating  like her mother many times... Rey saw her expressions  and felt pride.

Ben was glad their daughter would have a happy healthy home to grow and thrive. His parents spoiled her, as did their friends , but she was not materialistic...so thankful for little things just like Rey. 

Ben sat on their couch with his hot chocolate.

Rey and Dani sat on the floor after changing into dry clothes working on a 3-D puzzle. 

Rey's  cousin kept in touch, and periodically  Ben treated her to free visits. Rey took Dani with her to visit Sharin too.

Leia and Han left the property  in Italy and moved closer to them. They didn't  like the idea of missing big moments in their granddaughter's life.

"Momma, did daddy always make you love him so much?" Dani asked.

Rey smirked, glancing at Ben, "I  liked him at first sight...but he definately  made it hard not to fall in love...he's my match honey. You will meet yours someday and they will just fill your heart."

Dani grinned, "I  figured. I'm  gonna go  finish my book...love you momma!" She wrapped warm little arms around Rey's  neck, "love you daddy!" Jumped in Ben's lap for a kiss and hug.  

Then Danielle was gone, bounding up the stairs. She adored reading in her blanlet fort when it rained.

"She's  really something..." Ben commented. 

Rey got up and plopped next the him. "She is...and we made her. She's  a walking reminder that we had so much love in us. She will do amazing stuff ! "

"That she will because  you are amazing and strong...she is just like you !" Ben kissed her gently.

Rey blushed.

"Let's  do pancakes for dinner..." Ben suggested. 

Rey laughed. "Perfect"

They twined their fingers and Rey laid her head on his shoulder.

 


	58. Lay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the stars they spoke of futures and the past.

"I can't  believe Dani graduates tomorrow..." Rey sighed.

Ben held her palm to his mouth and kissed her warm skin."I  know... she's going to do great. Her trip is all set up with mom after. She has her college plans in place. Rey, our daughter  is set."

"I'll  miss her..." Rey cried.

"Don't  cry, you know we have done right by her. She's  amazing. And you still have little  o me?" Ben tried to offer her comfort.

Rey laughed, wiping her cheeks, "yes...I  do"

They cuddled closer on the blanket, before long their hands couldn't  be stopped and they were making love.

Rey adored touching him...never had enough, and Ben...was no different. 

Panting after, tugging back on her panties  and smoothing her hair diwn, "we probably  need to get back to the house and sleep  in our bed."

"Ah, but this has it's  merits...I  love you so much...I enjoy making you scream under the stars." Ben teased.

Rey grinned, smacking his chest, "teenager....I swear you're like a teenager."

"Do you want to go on a trip too? While Dani  is off with mom? You know I  can take us anywhere..." Ben offered. 

Rey nodded. "Where we went years ago...that island. Just us."

"Done. ...and Dani will be fine, mom is taking her all over Europe to meet people and see the museums. Spa fun, shopping, she will enjoy Grandma  time." Ben agreed.

Rey kissed him, slid her hand to pet his neck. "You are still so beautiful  to me..."

They never made it to the house until morning. 

The rising sun didn't  help hide them as they snuck back in the house.

"Oh god ...mom ! Dad ! Really ?!" Dani quipped as they  came through the kitchen.

"What?" Ben muttered. 

Dani made a face, "you two...I  swear ! You're  worse than my classmates ! Hormonal and horny ...geeze !"

Rey chuckled, kissing Ben's cheek,  "maybe...but we made you so be grateful. We gave you life !"

Ben smirked, "I'm getting in the shower... Dani, mom and dad will be here soon...they wanted to take you to breakfast before graduation."

"Cool..." Dani  smiled.

Rey fixed herself  some coffee.

She remembered the pain Ben went through...she went through before...and then... they've  had this blessing filled life...

Rey smiled.


End file.
